Top Ten Christmas Gifts for the Broke-Ass Musician
|Photo by Lorri Auer|
|Gift No. 1: Your broke-ass musician needs new socks in a serious way.|
With so much goodwill and charity flying around during the holidays, you'd think that maybe we could extend a little help to musicians in need. Go buy someone like Danny or Jake a special present.
See the cut for Crossfade's top ten Christmas gifts for the broke-ass musician.
1. Stockings Not like the ones you hang by the chimney with care. Like regular socks. You ever seen a band kicking it backstage with no shoes on? Gnarly.
3. Condoms Because for some reason, they just sprang to mind. And because they protect against groupie-transmitted VD. Of course, those musicians may not wear them, because they protect against groupie-transmitted VD. Which everyone knows is good for your rocker cred.
4. Guitar Strings Because they're always breaking, stretching, getting old. And packs of them are pretty cheap, which makes them good for giving. But, nothing's cheap for a broke-ass musician. Of course, your broke ass guitarist may also need...
6. Cigarettes This one may seem like a joke. But it isn't. Cigarettes have gotten goddamn expensive, and broke-ass musicians, who by and large love chain smoking, simply cannot afford them for themselves.
7. Beer Kind of like number six, only it's not that expensive. Unless you're draining a few sixers at practice, a small pony keg at the gig, and a couple of tall boys for breakfast. Whatever kind of musician your musician is, they'll appreciate this.
8. Gas Card Right now we can almost hear you snickering. Or saying, "this guy's an asshole." But it's a better gift for the broke-ass musician than you may think. Getting to gigs and practice can drain the tank, and with the cost of oil on the rise again, well, you can see where that's going. Pre-paid gas cards are the perfect gift for the musician who's van's always out of gas.
10. Music Apps That's right, anything you want to do, there's an app for that. Apple wasn't kidding with that shit. PocketGuitar, which turns your iPhone or iPod Touch into a virtual guitar neck, Chordmaster, which puts a massive chord library at your fingertips, Cleartune, which is a digital tuner, and Pianist, which is like PocketGuitar but for pianists, are al prime examples of great gifts for anywhere from $0.99 to $4.
Rock Kulture-Miami presents I'm Broke and It's Almost Xmas Rock-N-Art Show. Friday, December 16. Vinyl & Kai, 1131 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $5. Rock Kulture's also promising $4 domestics, $5 imports, $3 shot specials and $15 buckets.
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