Five Coachella 2011 Headliners Absolutely Not Worth the Dehydration and Sunstroke

Categories: Lists
KingsOfLeonCoachella.jpg
Kings of Leon ... Not worth it, dude.
Coachella announced its 2011 lineup a couple days ago.

And while there's plenty of great bands listed in fine print (the Morning Benders, Tallest Man on Earth, Thao and the Get Down Stay Down) on the festival's e-flier, the headliners listed in bold read more like a shitty Now That's What I Call Music boxset.

So while you contemplate shelling out half a grand on airfare, camping equipment, and festival tickets just to sweat your balls off in the California desert, check out Crossfade's list of Coachella acts NOT worth the dehydration and sunstroke.

5. Kings of Leon
We don't hate on bands for selling out, cleaning up their image, and writing catchy radio rock tunes. We hate on bands that write shitty follow-up albums and throw temper tantrums when birds shit on stage. Plus, we saw Kings of Leon well before 15-year old girls were downloading "Sex on Fire" as their fucking ring tones.

4. Kanye West
On top of being a dickhead, Kanye also sounds terrible live. Why else would he rely on glow-in-the-dark stage sets, and fucking auto tune? And remember, folks, he showed up for his Bonnaroo performance nearly two hours after he was scheduled to go on. He's not a good headliner.

3. Jimmy Eat World
Has anyone heard the new Jimmy Eat World album? Neither have we. In fact, we had forgotten all about the band until a fried of ours invited us over their house to play Guitar Hero. However, if you're dying to see Jimmy Eat World live but don't want to make the trek out west, they're playing Ft. Lauderdale on February 3. We'll warn you now, they're not a good live band.

2. Duran Duran
We would've been cool with any other British new wave band, but Duran Duran sucks. There music isn't catchy, it's obnoxious, and the last thing we'd want to listen to after a hot day in the desert is Simon Le Bon.

1. She Wants Revenge

This Crossfader's first music assignment at college was to review a She Wants Revenge show in Tallahassee. 15 people showed up to that show, and though they weren't terrible, they're definitely not Coachella caliber. They also haven't released a full album in four years, just a few mediocre EPs since then.

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5 comments
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squirrel squirrel squirrel
squirrel squirrel squirrel

Okay, a typo here or there, I can understand, but the amount of grammar mistakes in this article leads me to believe Gonzalez hardly has a working comprehension of the english language. Read a book.

jerk
jerk

No books, just 'e-fliers'

Carlos
Carlos

I'm echoing Phil here. Coachella is hot but not humid and therefore bearable, also water is $2. I've had much more water and heat problems at Ultra.

Also, if the idea of seeing what kind of spectacle Kanye will bring when headlining the closing night of the biggest music festival in America doesn't excite you, your taste in concert-going experiences is questionable. Does Daft Punk only have a cool pyramid to distract from their vocoder vocals too?

Phil
Phil

Have you even been to Coachella, its not that hot...its beautiful at night...theres shade and free water/drinks EVERYWHERE. Your a herb.

Existential Psychobabble
Existential Psychobabble

We get it. You are the arbiter of good taste and all things cool. Thao, the Morning Benders and the Tallest Man on Earth should do a pow-wow jam sesh and headline Coachella. That'll be worth our time.

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