Bruise Cruise Travel Tip: Don't Smuggle Drugs Onto the Ship

Torben Bjorn Hansen, Flickr
The Bruise Cruise sets sail from the Port of Miami on Friday. And while there's plenty of dope coming through Dodge Island, y'all better think twice about sneaking some out; narcs like to prey on unsuspecting travelers, especially theme cruise passengers.

In January, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents partnered with the U.S. Marshall Service, DEA, and Broward Sheriff's Office to raid the MSC Poesia before it left Port Everglades for the hippie-friendly 2011 Jam Fest cruise. The unannounced visit resulted in 15 seizures of small amounts of weed, hash, 'shrooms, acid, some prescription pills, and drug paraphernalia--otherwise known as "the kind of shit you find at any music festival." 

But the January 4 raid also shed light on a disturbing reality. The longtime law enforcement tradition of profiling has reached an all-time low, the high seas.

The hippies + jam rock = narcotics stereotype lead police to a couple of dime bags and a pipe or two that were presumably worth less on the streets than the cost of the sting operation itself. Nonetheless, it ruined the trip for everyone that had to suffer through jam rock sets sans psychedelics. As for Bruise Cruisers, the idea of a similar raid isn't too far fetched.

Think about it, have you ever been to a Jacuzzi Boys show that didn't smell like Cheech and Chong's van? What about Surfer Blood? Those guys love toking so much, they even tweeted a picture illustrating how weed's greater than the music industry. That type of shit is gnarly. But it's also worrying. Is anyone else afraid a K-9 team and surprise raid's gonna kill the sweet vacation vibes minutes before the Carnival Imagination leaves port? 

Our suggestion: Get stoney bologna with us at the pre-party on Thursday rather than smuggling contraband onto the ship. It's safer, and you can always find someone selling cheap schwag in Nassau, Bahamas, when the ship stops there on Saturday. Forgeo the lame souvenir t-shirt you promised your friends back home, and treat yourself to a sack of Bahamian bud instead.

Bruise Cruise with master of ceremonies Ian Svenonius and the Black Lips, Vivian Girls, Surfer Blood, Strange Boys, Thee Oh Sees, Quintron and Miss Pussycat, Ty Segall, Turbo Fruits, DJ Mr. Jonathan Toubin, and Jacuzzi Boys. Friday, February 25, to Monday, February 28. Carnival Imagination, boarding at the Port of Miami, 1015 N. America Way, Miami. SOLD OUT. Visit

Bruise Cruise Kickoff Party with the Black Lips, Vivian Girls, Surfer Blood, Strange Boys, Thee Oh Sees, Quintron and Miss Pussycat, Ty Segall, Turbo Fruits, and Jacuzzi Boys. Thursday, February 24. Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami. The party starts at 6 p.m. and tickets cost $20 via Ages 18 and up. Visit

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Location Info


Port of Miami

1015 N. America Way, Miami, FL

Category: General

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maritime attorney Galveston TX
maritime attorney Galveston TX

Getting yourself totally familiarized with the routes and exits can really save you in tragic events that can occur while you’re offshore. Know also all the communication devices available like intercoms for you to report or inquire any casualties.

marine paneling
marine paneling

Have a great time during your cruise vacation, the safe and legal way. We are fortunate that cruise liners have a wide array of amenities and we will never get bored while at sea. Meet new people and mingle, without the worry of any endangerment from the ship's sturdy structure, the crew's great services or your own actions.

Paul Motter
Paul Motter

Wow... that is quite the article, I have never seen a journalist using the world's filthiest word gratuitiously before, you must be proud of your team, New Times.

Is this event really going on a cruise? I truly feel for the staff onboard, I can just see the food fight in the dining room - that is assuming all the guests are the same inteligence level of this writer. But somehow I doubt there many people equally as banal and clueless as this so-called reporter. Umm, I suggest you think about why they didn't invite you along.

Paul Motter
Paul Motter

I said the same thing - and my comment was deleted. I guess Miami New Times is not so proud of its high school drop out reporters.

Just FYI: I am from Phoenix and I knew the original Phoenix New Times music reporters like Dewey Webb (just saw him a few months back). You guys couldn't carry his lunchbucket.

(New Times newspaper franchise started in Phoenix)

double sigh
double sigh

your writing is fucking balls. i hope no one is actually paying you anything, because that would make me sad :( (anyone who uses the words 'stoney' in front of the words 'bologna' should have their fingers revoked)

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