Ultra Sells Out, Scalper Tickets Going for Triple the Face Value
But for procrastinating electro nuts willing to drop a few hundred bucks on scalper tickets, the opportunity to trip balls in downtown Miami is still alive.
The news came as a shock to everyone, smeared across the top of the festival's website, "Sold Out!" in big blue letters. Both General Admission (GA) and VIP tickets gone without any signs of single-day tickets on the horizon.
But then, a small ray of hope: Results of a quick Internet search produced 53 tickets (at time of posting) on StubHub, ranging in price from $754.94 to $3,200. Then we found several people selling Ultra tickets on Craigslist. And pretty soon, we were back on the horn with our ecstasy dealer.
Just kidding, y'all. We haven't done ecstasy since high school. That shit's so 2000-and-late. And as for paying anything over face value for a music festival, that's just fucking obnoxious.
Wait this one out, pookie heads. The festival is 34 days away, and the "sold out" announcement may just be an Ultra marketing tactic to sell more tickets at a later date (as previously mentioned).
But even if it's not, let this be a lesson to all you procrastinators: You should've bought tickets months ago, electro scum.
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