Your Anti-Guido Party Guide to Ultra Week in South Beach

PaulyD-Guido.JPG
We guarantee guido DJ Pauly D of Jersey Shore is NOT in this guide.
If you're a discerning local EDM lover, then you probably have a love-hate relationship with the month of March.

On one hand, it's the best month out of the year in Miami for the sheer awesomeness of parties and bookings. On the other, it also summons massive hordes of the much-maligned guido.

Now no disrespect to the Italian-American community -- we're simply throwing the term back in the faces of the very Jersey Shore types who popularized it to begin with.

For Miamians, 'guido' has come to define a certain breed of douchey, trashy tourist meathead that invades South Beach during WMC and Ultra Week. They mob up the hotels and pool parties with their eye-sore fashion sense and rowdy fist-pumping, and sink the good-taste quotient of the whole place, even lower than usual for SoBe. It's the reason why many prefer to avoid the Beach altogether in favor of parties tailored for more sensible music fans in Wynwood and downtown. 

Now, while we can't guarantee a 100-percent success rate for this guide, we've determined which South Beach parties will be mostly guido-free. The breed tends to gravitate towards loud, brash big-room EDM, like Armin Van Buuren's cheesy trance and David Guetta's commercial pop-house. Therefore, we can almost assure you that the following underground lineups will offer some major respite from guidohood during Ultra week.


Tuesday, March 22


Nic Fanciulli Presents Saved at SET
Featuring Nic Fanciulli, Matthias Tanzmann, Stacey Pullen, Tim Green, Gary Beck and Jordan Peak.

Wednesday, March 23

Bullitt Agency Mixer at Cameo
Featuring Audiofly (Anthony + Luca), Carlo Lio, Danny Howells, Darren Emerson, Davide Squillace, Dubfire, Jonathan Peters, Luca Bacchetti, Matthias Tanzmann, Miss Nine, Nic Fanciulli, Norman Doray, Satoshi Tomiie, Serge Devant, Shlomi Aber, Steve Duda, Tatiana Fontes, Tiefschwarz (Ali + Sante) and Umek.

Planet E & Desolat at Delano Hotel's Louis

Featuring Carl Craig, Loco Dice, Martin Buttrich, Stacey Pullen

Joris Voorn present Rejected at SET
Featuring Joris Voorn, 2000 and One, Edwin Oosterwal, Deetron and Maher Daniel.

Safe, Future Mob, and Supernature Music Present Flying Circus Miami 2011 at Nikki Beach
Featuring Audiofly, Lee Burridge, Nic Fanciulli, Davide Squillace, Radio Slave, Damian Lazarus, Jamie Jones, Matthias Tanzmann, Art Department, Matt Tolfrey, Guti (live), tINI, Luca Bacchetti, Alex Niggemann, Lazaro Casanova, Carola Pisaturo and Andres Dyer.

Thurs, March 24

15th Annual Ovum Party at Shelborne South Beach Resort

Featuring Josh Wink, Steve Bug, Nic Fanciulli, Gregor Tresher, Luca Bacchetti, Davide Squillace, Shlomi Aber, MANIK, Burnski, Droog and Jozif.

People Like Us Pool Party at The Surfcomber
Featuring Loco Dice, Davide Squillace, Seth Troxler, Martinez Brothers, Yaya, Guti, tINI, Livio & Roby and Paola Poletto

Proton Miami at Love Hate
Featuring Chris Fortier, Neil Quigley, Opencloud, Chava, Rollin Connection, Leland McWilliams and John Baugh

Friday, March 25

Listed Plays It Safe at Victor Hotel
Featuring Clive Henry vs. Cassy, Dan Ghenacia vs. Shonky, Guti (live), Dory, Boris Werner, Matt Tolfrey, Craig Richards, Radio Slave, Lazaro Casanova, Inxec (live), Droog and Nikita.

Visionquest Feat. Seth Troxler, Guy Gerber and More at Shelborne South Beach Resort
Featuring Lee Curtiss, Ryan Crosson, Seth Troxler, Shaun Reeves, Guy Gerber, Benoit & Sergio, Footprintz and Tale Of Us.

Teksupport Presents: Hideout vs. Moon Harbour Recordings at The National Hotel

Featuring Dubfire, Matthias Tanzmann, Davide Squillace, Luca Bacchetti, Audiofly, Guti, Boris Werner, Carola Pisaturo, Luna City Express, Antonio Piacquadio and Dave Rosario.

Saturday, March 26th

Listed presents Diynamic vs. Cityfox

Featuring Stimming, Solomun, H.O.S.H., Lee Burridge, Ryan Crosson, Slow Hands
Deetron, Giorgio Roma vs Alex Dolby, Dory, Hoj, Naveen G


Sheik 'N' Beik Miami 2011 at Nikki Beach
Featuring Martin Buttrich (live), Behrouz, Matt Tolfrey vs. Inxec, Pablo Cahn-Speyer, Mikael Stavostrand (Miami exclusive), Sergio Santos, Nikko Gibler (live), Jeffrey Scott, Fong + Julio, Gil Montiel, Memek, Xander and Kimberly Kitty.

Teksupport Presents: The Sankeys Pool Party at The National Hotel
Featuring Antonio Piacquadio, Butch, Carlo Lio, Dave Rosario, Ellesse + Todd Terry (back to back), Nic Fanciulli, Paco Osuna, Steve Bug, The Martinez Brothers, Tiefschwarz + Sante (back to back.) 

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9 comments
Bucc
Bucc

I will be one of the guidos at the guido party and be proud about it.

trendy
trendy

just saying that it seems you always read in here the same tired criticism of south beach nightlife, it gets mindlessly repeated and some of it is a bit of an over reach, especially when you consider that this paper is in bed with a lot of downtown promoters. and it always speaks about the same old people the same Miami Dade, fiu, um clique they all went to school with. it is advertising and promotion disguised as journalism. so you have to wonder how pure and critical it will be. obviously both scenes can coexist there are plenty of suckers to fleece on both sides of the bridge. but this downtown elitism with its holier than thou street cred is a bit overstated and sounds like it is overcompensating a bit compared to the success that south beach has had and how it transformed the area and region at large. unlike downtown and those empty towers and lofts meant to house the young and hip surrounded by one of the most violent and impoverished neighborhoods in the usa.

marlon
marlon

Awww trendy seems a bit hurt.

trendy
trendy

nice, i love it, you take any opportunity to bash south beach throwing your old, tired, worn out complaints while praising your good taste and DWTWN hipster sensibilities, but then go ahead and list 99.9% of parties taking place IN SOUTH BEACH not in your beloved gentrified crack neighborhood with your "underground" clubs surrounded by poor and destitute people you wouldn't even think twice about making eye contact with unless its for the sake of being cute and ironic. the truth is the sobe clubs you hate and your beloved "good taste" hipster elitist lounges are two sides of the same coin. your pathetic! get out of miami grow an ironic beard and join the rest of the poseurs in brooklyn

seriously give it up

The Situation
The Situation

who are you kidding, this shit is greasier than Kenickie at Thunder Road

Katie
Katie

Trendy, or should we just call you genius? The title of the article is Your Anti-Guido Party Guide to Ultra Week in SOUTH BEACH ( I took the liberty of CAPPING South Beach for you since you couldnt read it as it is the title)

Levisman
Levisman

The point of this article is to highlight the parties specifically IN SOUTH BEACH during Ultra Week that still have underground EDM lineups and therefore cater to people with discerning taste, you fucking idiot.

I'm not a hipster and I don't have a beard. I hate the downtown Miami hipsterati just as much as you do. I just don't like the lowest common denominator tourist trash that WMC/Ultra bring to Miami. Look me up on Facebook if you wanna talk more shit to my face: Sean Levisman

iheartmusic
iheartmusic

I love it! The new breed of journalists who threaten to kick your ass if you disagree with their work. LOL -- anyhow, a great read and I couldn't agree more. It also made me laugh because there's a lot of truth spoken here. Fact is, South Beach does become POLLUTED with guidos during WMC.

trendy
trendy

news flash for you MIAMI is polluted with Guidos 24/7, they may not call themselves guidos but it is the same crap. have you ever been to kendall? doral?

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