Boxing Gloves, Anger Management, and Other Thoughtful Gifts for Chris Brown's B-Day

Categories: Lists, Nightlife
Chris Brown.jpg
Happy Birthday, C. Breezy!
Look at him now!

Yesterday, Chris Brown turned 22 years old. And tonight's the so-called "Official Celebrity Birthday Party" at Club Play.

But if you're gonna go scream "Happy B-Day!" in the little sparkplug's face, you can't show up empty-handed. It's only good manners to bring a gift.

What, though, do you get a spazzy, girl-beating, window-smashing pop star with everything? See the cut for Crossfade's very thoughtful suggestions.

5. Boxing Gloves
Remember when Chris Brown punched Rihanna in the face a bunch of times? Well, he did it with his bare hands. But with these Everlast wristwrap boxing gloves, he'll be protected the next time he decides to go all C. Breezy on somebody. The man's got beautiful, scar-free knuckles. Let's keep it that way.

4. A Razor Blade
Motherfucker needs to shave his head. Have you seen the blonde fuzz that's been growing out of his skull lately? He looks like Sisquo's butch baby brother.

3. A Glock
Despite the goofy hair, Brown's been hanging out with hard cases like Lil Wayne in an attempt to score some street cred. So why not get the guy a glock for his b-day? Best-case scenario: Breezy catches a gun wrap just like Weezy. There's nothing more dangerous than a pretty boy in prison. And if he survives jail time, the world will never again call him a rage-driven crybaby prone to ridiculous chair-throwing tantrums. But if they do ...

2. A Four-Day Anger Management Retreat in Northern California
Breezy lost his mind and smashed a window after being emotionally overwhelmed during an interview with Good Morning America's Robin Roberts. So obviously, the little dude hasn't conquered his anger issues. Which is why it would be hugely therapeutic to spend the better part of a week meditating, breathing deeply, and performing synchronized choreography with Buddhist monks in the mountains of Northern Cali.

1. A $40,000 Bottle of Dom Perignon
We don't know if Brown's a boozer. Maybe he enjoys a nice foamy flute of superexpensive sparkling wine. And maybe not. But you can never go wrong with a $40,000 bottle of the bubbly shit. Plus, it's got plenty of alternate uses. Say cleaning your sneakers. Or spraying haters in the face. Or making like the French and dipping your junk in it when there isn't time to take a shower before your next booty call. Just like C. Breezy, champagne's straight classy.

Chris Brown's Official Celebrity Birthday Party. Friday, May 6. Club Play, 1045 Fifth St., Miami Beach. Call 305-532-4340 or visit clubplaysouthbeach.com.

ChrisBrownClubPlayBirthday.jpg

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Location Info

Map

Club Play - CLOSED

1045 5th St., Miami Beach, FL

Category: Music


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10 comments
Laravaleria95
Laravaleria95

Happy belated birthday chis Brown... Just another fan sayingg hay :) hopee it all went well and i still listen to your música regardless¡,,!

????
????

your just fucking hating that his album has sold over 270,00 copies in the first week and that he has enough money to through a party like this!!! everybody makes mistakes that was TWO years ago do you think you will get anywhere by bring up shit in the pass well no you need to find someone ealse to talk shit about because chris brown has turned his life around and he has alot of people supporting him #teambreezy and they will never stop supporting because he's our inspiration and that will NEVER change !!!

Lana123
Lana123

... would have to agree with Guest,,, o.o

aimee
aimee

this is bullshit. who are you to judge chris brown???? he made mistakes, so what?? leave hiim alone. no matter what people like you say about him he's still gunna succeed. ONE THING YOU NEED TO DO: GET OVER IT YOU HATER!!

Guest
Guest

GET A LIFE @PAJOT u low life scum bag. u don't even know what happened that night ur ass should be sued for this blog. u slandering a man and defaming him thats a crime and ur freedom of speech is not applicable to this article. grow the fuck up u racist.

Nicholas3t
Nicholas3t

@s pajot fuck this article you no life racist chris brown hater GET OVER YOU BITCH

Sean Pajot
Sean Pajot

You can call me a hater 'cause this gift list makes jokes at Chris Brown's expense. But a racist? What exactly is racist here?

Guest
Guest

ur not making jokes ur defaming someone and just being down right mean. U need to delete ur blog post. Theres crazy people in the world that will actually hurt him or someone else. You are not only defaming/slandering him but you are also cyber bullying him. Get a life and get over it. YOU WERE NOT THERE YOU DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. ALL U KNOW IS RIHANNA'S STORY WHICH IS ONLY 1/10TH TRUE ALL OTHER SHIT IS A LIE THAT SHE SAID. HOW COULD SHE BE BEATEN IN A CAR WHEN ALL OF THE MARKS WERE ON THE RIGHT AND NOT THE LEFT. WHERE IS THE BITE MARK? WHERES THE BRUISES FROM HER BEING CHOKED? HER LIP WAS SPLIT FROM HER OWN TEETH SHE WASN'T EVEN PUNCHED IN THE MOUTH. HER NOSE WAS NOT BANGED UP. NOTHING SHE STATED IS EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE IN THE PICS MTO POSTED.

IF SHE WAS PUNCHED IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY LIKE SHE SAID WHY WASN'T HER EYE SWOLLEN? WHY WASNT HER EYE IN THE DISCOLORATION PROCESS? WHY DID THOSE 2 BUMPS GO AWAY SO QUICKLY? WHEN YOU CAN ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS THEN HATE ON CHRIS OH AND BTW, SHE HIT CHRIS IN THE CAR REPEATEDLY AND WOULD NOT STOP HATING HIM.

IF THAT MAKES CHRIS A BAD PERSON FOR HITTING HER IN SELF-DEFENSE THEN OH WELL. DID YOU ALSO KNOW THAT RIHANNA ABUSED CHRIS NUMEROUS OTHER TIMES IN WHICH SHE NEVER MENTIONED? SHE ONLY MENTIONED 2 TIMES BECAUSE HE DID SOMETHING.

BEFORE YOU PUT FORTH JUDGMENT OR OPINION KNOW THE WHOLE STORY AND READ HER STATEMENTS, SEE HER 20/20 AND LOOK AT THE PICS.

LAST ONE THE FIRST PIC THAT WAS RELEASED WAS DONE WITH A FISHEYE LENS. DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS LOOK IT UP AND SEE PICS AND COMPARE.

HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!!!

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