Ten Songs Sexy Enough to Get a Lady Pregnant
|Yes, those are tiny pregnant ladies in Barry White's hands.|
If the number of Wayans children is any indication, black people know what's up when it comes to creating baby-making music. Plus, artists like Marvin Gaye, Al Green, and Barry White made a living on orgasm-inducing music, so it's difficult to compete against guys whose sole purpose was to facilitate fornication. With that in mind, we've made sure to only pick one song per artist.
In no particular order, here are ten songs that are sexy enough to get a lady pregnant. And in some cases, even men.
10. Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On"
Planned Parenthood performs abortions by playing Marvin Gaye records backward. In the '80s, he was shot by his father. The official record states that it was over an argument, but we're pretty sure it has something to do with his songs being so powerfully sexy he needed to be stopped before Earth's population spiraled wildly out of control.
9. Al Green's "Simply Beautiful"
"Let's Stay Together" is easily Al Green's most famous song, and that's why it's not on this list. "Simply Beautiful" is mellower, softer, and contains more sex mojo than the "horny goat weed" you can find sold over the counter for $1.99 at sketchy gas stations.
8. Barry White's "Love's Theme"
Barry White's voice is so powerful it can make a eunuch fertile. When he was alive, he could reverse vasectomies by humming "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" in the direction of a neutered nut sack. In fact, Barry White was responsible for the Octomom's litter. With such a forceful voice, he needed a way to tone it down a bit, because sometimes you want only one child at a time. That's why he wrote "Love's Theme." And that's why every porn flick uses the "Love's Theme" porno guitar sound.
7. Boyz II Men's "50 Candles"
Not one of their most popular songs, but definitely one of the sexiest from Boyz II Men's 1995 Grammy-winning album II. Legend states that if a man times his thrusts to the beat of this song, the son conceived during that particular bout of coitus will go through puberty faster than all of his peers. Boy to man, indeed.
6. Sade's "Kiss of Life"
Women love them some Sade, and she'll be performing at the American Airlines Arena on July 16 to a sold-out crowd of ovulating women seeking seeds. She's basically Beyoncé with better music and without all the bullshit. Nigeria tried to redeem itself for all those email scams by giving us Sade. Just kidding, the Brits raised her, so they should take credit.