An Extremely Detailed Breakdown of Vanilla Ice Ripping a Giant Juggalo Bong
|Vanilla Ice: Down with the clown and stony baloney.|
Vanilla Ice is one chill dude.
He not only sang "Ice, Ice Baby." He also found a way to adapt it to nu-metal! Just imagine the stoner youth of America never having the opportunity to mosh to this completely necessary redux. Vanilla Ice's contribution to American culture is immeasurable.
Need more evidence the Ice Man is cooler than cool? Well, TMZ just released photos of the rapper and celebreality star taking a mammoth hit from a giant bong while onstage at the recent Gathering of the Juggalos.
Crossfade found the images so poignant, we felt it necessary to conduct an extremely detailed breakdown of Vanilla Ice's Insane Clown Posse-inspired public intoxication.
This image recalls Michelangelo's "The Creation of Adam." Only in this version, God is an anonymous gloved Juggalo, Adam is Vanilla Ice, and the gift of life has been exchanged for the gift of a five-foot, fully-loaded Juggabong.
Vanilla hypes his impending bong rip. What if every stoner had a hype man? Y'know, your boy on the mic, toasting the expensive, ridiculously large equipment you use to smoke marijuana.
And like a baby Juggalo sucking the rubber nipple on a nice warm bottle of Faygo, Vanilla Ice wraps his lips around the gargantuan water pipe and embraces the void.
Upon exhaling, he immediately starts coughing, prompting more than one face-painted Dark Carnie to exclaim, "My boy hasn't coughed like that since back in the day, yo!"
From the look on Vanilla's face, it's safe to assume that he's completely forgotten whatever it was he was saying and he's kinda freaking out, maannn. You'd get the fear too, if you were bliggity blitzed onstage in front of thousands of unwashed Midwestern clowns.
Chill Fest 2011 with Vanilla Ice. Saturday, September 3. Seminole Casino Hollywood, 4150 N. State Road 7, Hollywood. The show starts at 6 p.m. and it's free. Call 954-961-3220 or visit seminolehollywoodcasino.com.
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