Ten of 2011's Best-Selling Albums and the Real Reasons They Sold So Well

Categories: Talking Shit
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Not THAT Nielsen!
​The Queen of All Media, Perez Hilton, is all about the latest Nielsen Soundscan totals, which feature a number of the gossip blogger's faves, like Lady GaGa and boring old Adele.

For Crossfade, though, Soundscan is a lot like the Grammys: It don't mean shit. Yeah, great, the illiterate, Facebooking masses spend one million iTunes spacebux on Justin Bieber autotuning Lil Wayne's wettest farts. Oh yeah, we're absolutely positively fucking sure that "music" will stand the test of time.

Wanna know the real reasons this garbage makes so much money? Well, check the jump for ten of 2011's biggest sellers, and what convinced so many fools to buy them.

The Artist: Coldplay
The Album: Mylo Xyloto
Units Moved: 467,000
The Real Reason This Album Sold: Radiohead fans are generally a conservative bunch. And when Thom Yorke's sugar plum flower power interpretive dancing gets a little too abstract, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin provides this nation of mouthbreathers with the safe and sentimental sonic wallpaper that it so desperately needs.



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The Artist: Britney Spears
The Album: Femme Fatale
Units Moved: 713,000
The Real Reason This Album Sold: Once upon a time, Britney Spears was public enemy number one when it came to influencing your tweenager to dress up like a promiscuous tart. But these days, suburban parents are begging their daughters to put down the Gaga and get back to a more familiar, traditional, low-concept kind of sluttiness.



beyoncerealreason.jpg
The Artist: Beyoncé
The Album: 4
Units Moved: 940,000
The Real Reason This Album Sold: Mrs. Jay-Z + Baby bump media bump = Megahit! And uhhhhh ... She's Beyoncé.






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The Artist: Bruno Mars
The Album: Doo-Wops and Hooligans
Units Moved: 976,000
The Real Reason This Album Sold: Comparable to the aforementioned Spears/GaGa and Coldplay/Radiohead dichotomies, people listen to Bruno Mars when Justin Bieber gets a little too intense.




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The Artist: Taylor Swift
The Album: Speak Now
Units Moved: 3,776,000
The Real Reason This Album Sold: Outside her central fanbase (high-fructose corn syrup-chugging Tea Party enthusiasts), the only reason anyone has given a flying fuck about Taylor Swift in the past three years is because Kanye West interrupted her acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. And Swift's numbers in 2011 are the greatest testament to the sustained trickle down of being turned into a meme in real-time by Kanye.


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17 comments
Guest
Guest

a song by Rihanna, a dirty, disease-ridden skank, is the best of all time?  matt preira is a fucking retard that doesn't know shit about music.

SelinaaWozz
SelinaaWozz

Another restaurant cliaimed to use fresh mozz arellacheese,where it's dishes were actually made with economy cheddar.the"fresh pasta"advertieshed on another meau tumed out to befrozen.--Agedate. c0m --a nice and free placefor younger women and older men,or older women and younger men,to interact witheach other.

SelinaaWozz
SelinaaWozz

Another restaurant cliaimed to use fresh mozz arellacheese,where it's dishes were actually made with economy cheddar.the"fresh pasta"advertieshed on another meau tumed out to befrozen.--Agedate. c0m --a nice and free placefor younger women and older men,or older women and younger men,to interact witheach other.

KaleoK
KaleoK

Adele is the Michael Bolton of our times. Dreadful shrieker godawful songs.

Lan
Lan

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Lan
Lan

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Lan
Lan

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Lan
Lan

I am a 27 years old doctor,mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good man who can give me real love, so i got a sername Andromeda2002 on  Agedate.СòM, a nice and free place for younger women and older men,or older women and younger men, to interact with each other.Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

ZongVoo
ZongVoo

That jsut looks like its gonna be good dude.www.Total-Privacy dot Net

ZongVoo
ZongVoo

Dude does indeed seem to know what the deal is.www.ULtimate-Privacy dot Net

Ohhhhhfuhhh
Ohhhhhfuhhh

lmfaoooooooooo Nicki minaj's reason was priceless

Shitbull
Shitbull

LOUD is as much as a wet fart as Lil Wayne's music. A bunch of nasal-y, uninspired music. 

Strelnikov
Strelnikov

You're a persistent spambot, aren't you?

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