Ten Straight-Edge Bands With Hilarious And/Or Terrible Names

Categories: Lists
goodcleanfun-shoppingforacrew.jpg
Straight edge can be funny too.
Last night, Washington D.C. straight-edge stompers Coke Bust ripped open Churchill's Pub like a moody Norse God leveling some mountains out of ennui. And really, would you have expected any less with a band name like Coke Bust?

Straight edge is usually pretty serious business. So while not entirely the "LOL" kind of funny, that aforementioned hardcore crew moniker is still better than some one word assertion of strength, triumph, brotherhood, or any other Braveheart bullshit.

And guess what? Turns out hardcore's history is littered with hilarious and/or terrible band names. Check out Crossfade's ten favorites after the jump.



10. Good Clean Fun
While their name is just clever enough, we've included this wacky late '90s Washington D.C. vegan-edge band for their next-level hilarious hardcore parodies. The lyrics, album art, and even song structures are all finely tailored to lampoon Good Clean Fun's base genre and scene with an intellectual lightheartedness seldom heard at Earth Crisis concerts. But don't mistake GCF for a joke band: These guys are as serious about sobriety and animal rights as they are about spoofing scene politics.



9. xLooking Forwardx
xLooking Forwardx is mid-2000s generic-edge so formulaic that we're not even sure it's worth doing the math to determine which wave they actually are. (It's gotta be at least the fourth.) Basically (though not specifically), they are the band that Good Clean Fun was making fun of. A quick look at the x's adorning either side of their self-help-y band name is confirmation that these dudes are drinking the straight-edge brotherhood Kool-Aid with delirious aplomb. Accordingly, the music and cover art both seem like they were created in a universe where if it doesn't have a crucial breakdown, it isn't music.



8. Far From Breaking
What's this? The lady doth protest too much! If ya'll were really so secure about your man-love sobriety cult, why would you need to have your band's name be a constant reassertion that you still haven't sold out? Might as well have named the band, "Please Believe That We're Still Straight Edge."



7. Liferuiner
Ah, Liferuiner ... Just rolls off the tongue. If this band had been practically any other subgenre from the punk-hardcore-metal axis, they would have been awesome. But because they're straight-edge, you know they're just talking about drugs or whatever. You call your band Liferuiner and you better ruin some damn lives, not give people speeches on the power of positive thinking.

6. Uniform Choice
Finally, a youth crew band from one of the initial waves (West Coast skate-edge), not just some infinitely self-referencing throwback to the last time someone threw back to '80s hardcore. This group's name lands at number six for being so comfortable in embracing herd-mentality and conformity. Just one spin of their record (any of them, pick one) gives you the feeling of having spent the night with Xs on your hands and a sneer on your face toward the clueless norm who wandered in without realizing he's the only person smoking a cigarette.


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4 comments
HorrorBiz
HorrorBiz

I used to listen to a lot of hardcore/punk music in middle school and part of high school, including some of the bands mentioned here. Now that I am nearing the end of college and haven't listened to any of these bands in years, I read this article and think back to the old days and can't help but laugh. I still have friends who listen to this stuff religiously, but I don't know how they can bare it. As this article mentioned, hardcore has been around for over 30 years and every song by every band sounds the same: Heavy breakdowns mixed with some guy yelling incomprehensibly. Has anyone seen the videos of Negative Approach when they reunited a few years back? I can't believe people actually paid and came long distances to watch that crap and could honestly admit they got any enjoyment out of it.

 

I'll probably get shit from all the hardcore fans who visit this page for writing this, but I don't care. This article pretty much sums up my feelings on what I once thought was actually good music.

Mrguy
Mrguy

crossfade is just as bad as any of these names

Dumbarticle
Dumbarticle

Floorpunch is from NJ. Nice reporting dickweed

somejerk
somejerk

the non-conformists were conformists

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