Blowfly Ate Out Bruise Cruise Kickoff Party at The Stage, and the Bitches Loved It
|Photo by Ian Witlen|
With Blowfly, Quintron & Miss Pussycat, The Togas, Mikal Cronin, and Deaf Poets
The Stage Miami
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Better Than: Not seeing an elderly dude talk to a 23-year-old girl about eating her pussy.
Whoever tipped America up like a pachinko table, shook the map, and set the hipsters knocking through the wastelands of America toward Miami got the price right.
Last night at The Stage, foreign drunks came together in the name of music, good times, and cruisin' for a bruisin'.
Some time around 10 p.m., The Togas showed up wearing togas, some drunk guy in the crowd yelled, "Toga!," and the band started up its set of covers, ranging from The Rolling Stones' "Paint It Black" to all kinds of rehashed rock 'n' roll-type shit, including a great version of the Beatles' "Helter Skelter" to end the set with the singer screaming, "Give me all your money, give me all your money, give me all your money!"
Speaking of which, note to The Stage: $8 for a pint of Guinness is a ripoff. My piss is worth more than your $8 beer. You know how much Natural Ice a person can buy for $8? Approximately 16 tall boys. That's 256 ounces of malt liquor. That's enough to stay drunk morning, noon, and night. Is it too much to knock a buck off that pint? Hell no. Either make the cup bigger. Or give us a bailout.
After The Togas, we got Quintron & Miss Pussycat. They started with a puppet show. Something about snakes raping schoolbuses. Clouds were involved. Can't remember how it ended. There were cool sound effects and vocoded microphones. Girls loved it. Movies were recorded.
Then they stepped out of their puppet box and performed some uptempo Bayoutronic punk rock dance music from New Orleans. There was a killer DJ scratching solo, high-speed 808s, and Miss Pussycat lending a proper dose of "Hell yeah!" to each song.
Darren from Chico, California was having a blast. He said, "I spent $3000 to see $5 bands. This is where people come to have fun. Miami is the gateway to the Caribbean. No bands come to Chico. It fuckin' sucks. I'm a Goner at heart."
What the hell's a Goner? "That's all these guys right here. All these bands are out of the Memphis scene: Eric Friedl, Goner Records, Jay Reatard, Greg Oblivion, The Oblivions. They're the backbone of this whole scene. It's a tiny record shop, but they put out all the best shit. It's raw, it's straight-forward, it's no bullshit. How it sounds live is how it should sound on record. It's real. We're not expecting no fancy bullshit. Oh, hell yeah! Here comes Blowfly! Hell yeah, Miami!"
Miami's king of dirty rap was backed by a locktight funk band, expounding on the virtues of the best kind of pussy in the world, his 84-foot dick, porno freaks, fucking everything, incredible fucks, pussy masterpieces, his four extra-long pussy-fuckin' fingers, sucking dick, eating pussy, and pussy hell. It was amazing.
There was a silver-haired woman poppin' that coochie. There was a crowd of chicks at the foot of the stage waiting for Blowfly to spray his "cum on their eyes, thighs, souls, holes, faces, lips, tits, hips, slits, and clits."
He beat the music up fast. He broke it down slow. The crowd screamed in approval. And then he walked off stage.
The Bruise Cruise kickoff fiesta continues at The Stage tonight. So if you are looking for foreign ass that's looking to have a good time, this is a good place to find it.
The Crowd: Out-of-towners looking for a good time.
-"Best Pussy in the World"
-"84 Foot Long Dick"
-"Incredible Fucks" (Interlude)
-"Girl Yo Pussy Is a Masterpiece"
-"Four Long Pussyfuckin Fingers"
-"Suck My Dick"
-"Eat It (Just Eat It)"
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