Ten Most Musical Politicians Ever: Barry Obama, Mitt the Mormon Honky, and Others!
|This guy? Oh, that's just Obama's new World Bank nominee.|
They will shake the hands of thousands of strangers. They will gorge themselves on local cuisine. They will kiss the stinkiest baby. If votes depended on it, a politician would throw his own mother into the path of a moving train. These people are like junkies, fiending after your pledge to vote for them this November.
Of all the completely inane ways that politicians try to appeal to the public, none makes us feel more awkward-slash-awesome than musical appeals. And now that election season is heating up, we thought it would be a good time to assemble the top ten most musical politicians ever.
10. Obama Sings Like Al Green
A list ranking musical politicians is difficult not only because a surprising number of public servants (state, national, international) have all stooped to that level. But also because it's hard to parse the unbelievably dumb from the legitimately good. In the case of Obama's real quick dip into Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" back in January, Crossfade must admit that we not only drank the Kool-Aid, we chugged it until our mouth was overflowing with red drank dripping down our "Yes We Can" fanboy faces. What we're trying to say is we found the President to be cooler than cool. The Chief was ice cold.
9. Mitt Romney Sings Like a Mormon Honky
Obama sings a few bars at the Apollo Theater, and all of a sudden the POTUS has a fucking ringtone and sales of an Al Green song from 1972 skyrocket by 490 percent.
Well, the campaign supporting Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney was probably hoping its candidate would receive a comparable boost by performing a rendition of "America The Beautiful" at a campaign event just 11 days after Barry O's big debut in Harlem. What ol' Mitt's handlers didn't realize was that the Massachusetts governor is an absolute vacuum of cool. The man doesn't have a drop of grace, musical skill, or stage presence. And based on his rushed delivery and the way he goads the audience into joining him, there's no doubt he was pooping his pantaloons.
8. Orrin Hatch Sings About Hanukkah Like a Mormon Honky
Orrin Hatch, a Mormon Republican Senator from Utah, wrote a song about the Jewish festival of lights, Hanukkah, because ... Well, we're not really sure why. But at least it's better (just a little) than Mitt Romney busting out schoolboy patriotic hymns. Hatch's track made its debut in a video posted on the website for Jewish culture and lifestyle magazine Tablet. And in offering half-explanations for the song's existence, he revealed to the New York Times that "Mormons believe the Jewish people are the chosen people, just like the Old Testament says." Yeah, whatever. We're just waiting for the Senator's tribute to Kwanzaa.
7. Robert Byrd Is More Southern Than a Bowl of Grits
When tapped to perform some bluegrass for peanut farmer Jimmy Carter, Robert Byrd is a purebred Southern gentleman. He takes his jacket off like a smooth operator. He gives a few, soft-spoken shout-outs: Mr. Prez, Mrs. Carter, his own shawty. And he somehow holds it completely together despite being clearly ripped (on moonshine?). Look at the way he holds the mike stand. Dude is seeing pink elephants that are so drunk they're even seeing pink elephants.
6. Condoleeza Rice Plays Piano Very Seriously
God dammit, Condoleeza. Could you be anymore boring? This video isn't even notably bad. We could probably make better jokes about how all those dicks (not just Cheney) spent eight years calling you Condi.