Exxxotica 2012: Top Ten Porn Parties in Miami This Weekend

The Blonde Connection: Sex professional Amy Brooke and drug smuggler Mickey Munday.

Cocaine Cowboys' Mickey Munday and XXX Stars. With Amy Brooke and Eden Adams. Saturday, May 19, 11 p.m., Trio on the Bay, 1601 79th Street Cswy., Miami Beach; 305-866-1234; trioonthebay.com. Free admission for Exxxotica ticketholders. Ages 21 and up. After smuggling tons of coke between Colombia and America, evading the Feds by disappearing into the Everglades, and eventually spending a few years in the penitentiary, original Cocaine Cowboy and spoken-word artist Mickey Munday has finally retired to lead a quiet life of leisure. Like, uh, you know, hobnobbing with porn stars all night.

Go learn some pole-based aerobics with Bella.

Belladonna. Saturday, May 19, 11 p.m., Club Madonna, 1527 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-534-2000; clubmadonna.com. Admission costs $20 at the door. Ages 18 and up. Even a ten-time AVN Award-winning adult film actress, porn auteur, and XXX studio exec needs a few fun hobbies. Like making homemade wheatgrass juice. Or being "absolutely 100,000% in LOVE with aerial silks." Or teaching nude, pole-based aerobics on weekends.

Via BangBros.com

Ms. Briana Bliss, rear view.

Climax with Briana Bliss. Saturday, May 19, 10 p.m., SoBe Live, 1203 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-725-3353; sobelivesouthbeach.com. Tickets cost $20 to $40 via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Climax? We could be dealing with a case of premature (female) ejaculation here. After all, there's still an entire day and two porn parties till Exxxotica 2012 officially reaches the squirting point. Yet, as SoBe Live's DJ Nasty says, "[MS. BRIANA BLISS] IS A PORNSTAR. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MAY HAPPEN. OH OH OH."

Go pingin' and pornin' with Joslyn James.

Happy Ending Ping-Porn Tournament With Joslyn James. Sunday, May 20, 9 p.m., Chalk Ping-Pong & Billiards Lounge, 1234 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-8662; chalkmiami.com. Admission is free. Open bar with Exxxotica ticket or RSVP@chalkmiami.com. Ages 21 and up. Grab your paddle and a couple of balls ... It's time for a lil' ping-porn. And according to Tiger Woods' ex, top-notch sexter, and table games aficionado Joslyn James, there are two keys to coming out on top: (1) "You have to psyche out your opponent"; and (2) "It's all about how you work your hands."

Share a (figuratively) postcoital cigarette with Charmane Star at the Catalina.

Exxxotica's Official Afterparty. Hosted by Charmane Star, Kagney Linn Karter, Allie Haze. Sunday, May 20, 8 p.m., Maxine's Bistro and Bar at The Catalina Hotel & Beach Club, 1732 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-1160; catalinahotel.com. Admission costs $20 at the door. Ages 21 and up. Spending three whole days at the Exxxotica expo chatting with porn stars, testing futuristic sex toys, and hoarding freebies is a lot like making love to yourself on a cheap leopard-print bedspread. And this official afterparty is the post-coital cigarette.

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