J. Lo's Midlife Crisis on Video: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

See also "Madonna's Midlife Crisis on Video: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown."

J. Lo is freaking out.

She's 43 years old, she just dumped her hubby, and she's existing in the post-Will.i.am./Lil Jon electro-pop explosion. We've all seen what this has done to Madonna. And now the Latin songstress is "Goin' In" on her own sad grasp for relevancy.

From slick dancers to near-nudity, the super-buff Flo Rida, and oh-so-many shiny things, Lopez's new video for a song off the soundtrack to that shitty Step Up sequel is a sloppy trainwreck of attention-getting gimmicks.

Just see the cut for Crossfade's extremely detailed breakdown of J. Lo's midlife crisis on video.

0:00 - 0:14
The video starts innocently enough, with J. Lo's luscious lips all bedazzled in rhinestones. She blows a wish on a magic flower. We imagine it's something like, "Oh, please let this song be an obnoxiously far-reaching hit that no one will be able to escape this summer."


0:15 - 0:44
WTF, wolves? Well, lupine creatures are a clear sign of a mid-life crisis. No one has wolf friends in real life. Meanwhile, J. Lo blurts out some terrible Black Eyed Peas-esque bullshit about "tonight is the best night ever, I'm totally happy with my life, this song doesn't totally suck." Then we get to see Jenny trying on all her looks, from rich street hoodlum to rich stage dancer. Some people are rioting in a ship yard, but no one knows why.

0:45 - 0:58
Cue the most pre-packaged, freeze-dried, just-add-water electro drop possible.

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This beatch is nasty, the wigs, the lipos , the nasty skin, she only looks good on highly produced tv or photos.

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