Madonna's Midlife Crisis on Video: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown
The 53-year-old pop star's new video for "Turn Up the Radio" is terrifying. And this has nothing to do with some outmoded idea that women shouldn't be sexual when they, like Madonna, are only a couple months younger than Alaska's statehood.
No. What's wrong with this video is that Madonna is parading a mid-life crisis through Italy, a country long-ravaged by war, earthquakes, volcanoes and centuries of garlic farts. They have suffered enough.
There's a difference between people being carefree and exciting in their later years and an old perv with a bad dye job cruising for babes in a rented convertible. The latter is what happens in this video. It's people like Madonna that had our mothers calling from the front door, "Now, you kids stay where I can see you."
There are no laws against Madonna committing her atrocities to video (cf. Madonna's film career). Nevertheless, we here at Crossfade offer an extremely detailed breakdown of Madonna's extreme breakdown.
OK. First of all, we're calling bullshit on Madonna traveling with only one bag. But more importantly, carrying it on her own to her car outside her hotel. The opening shot of the video is a close up from behind of someone in high heels carrying that suitcase through the hotel lobby. It's trick photography, like how in contemporary Steven Seagal movies, you see insert shots of someone else's kicking feet and then they cut back to ol' Stevie sweating.
Show business is a cruel machine, one that makes a person shy away from the spotlight while also hiring actors to take her photograph in a music video. It's really hard to be Madonna. All she's trying to do is sell millions of albums and concert tickets. Or maybe spend a nice quiet evening exposing her nipples and bare ass to 30,000 people. And yet, people keep trying to take her picture.