Ten Best Songs About Masturbation

Categories: Useless Lists
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We're all sexual beings. But we're not always lucky enough to have another sexual being with us when the moment strikes. Thankfully, we're handily equipped to take care of business.

Everybody faps. And if someone says they don't diddle themselves at night, they're liars. It's part of the human condition to touch our junk when no one is looking. Maybe, uh, even when people are looking.

So, in honor of the personal pleasure principle, here are Crossfade's favorite odes to loving oneself. Now get your hands out of your pants and press play.



10. Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself"
This jam isn't exactly explicit. But what do you think Mr. Idol does once he gets home from the lonely club? He's got nothing to lose and nothing to prove, so he probably takes his one-man dance home and sweats it out alone.



9. The Divinyls' "I Touch Myself"
Taking it a step further and spelling it out for us, there are The Divinyls and singer Christina Amphlett. Ain't no shame in this girl's game. She's got it bad for someone, and the only thing left to do is touch herself. We understand. But seriously, lady, variety is the spice of life. Your man won't mind if you occasionally think about someone else. Damn.

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4 comments
Selim Castillo
Selim Castillo

how could you forget REM's - losing my religion. False top ten.

Ian Witlen
Ian Witlen

Don't forget Mustard Plug's "Dating Miss Michigan"

Anthonyvop1
Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

Good work.

 

Even Wikipedia knows that the song "Turning Japanese" wasn't about masturbation.

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