EDM Becoming a Cirque Du Soleil Production: Five Reasons It's Gonna Suck

The world of EDM is basically one giant circus. You've got Steve Aoki doing acrobatics; David Guetta is running around in clown shoes; and Tiësto's striking Jesus Christ poses as the most self-righteous ringleader ever.

But all that's been merely metaphorical until now.

Cirque Du Soleil has teamed up with MGM Resorts International and the Light group to transform a 38,000-square-foot venue in Las Vegas's Mandalay Bay into a totally fucking groundbreaking new club-going experience that's part stage show, part dance floor.

But real talk ... It's probably going to suck, and here's why.

See also:
-Ten Reasons Rolling Stone's "25 DJs That Rule the Earth" Is Total Bullshit
-Ten Reasons EDM Is the Wimpiest Youth Culture Movement Ever
-Taylor Swift Goes Dubstep! Five Reasons Pop Stars Gotta Stop Whoring Out EDM



EDM Is No Longer Cool
Never mind that the scene is full of wimps and the dubpocalypse has come and gone. The fact that Cirque Du Soleil is getting involved means we've given up. Even Michael Jackson had to die before his music could be turned into a Cirque cash cow. Why not just put a sign out front that says "Do your molly here"? 'Cause this shit ain't about the music anymore, homie.



Terrible Teaser Video
What did we just watch? It looks like someone took the b-roll from a straight-to-DVD horror movie trailer and decided to put some shitty house music behind it. Because they're lazy assholes. Not only did this clear up absolutely nothing about the new club, it also left us completely unexcited about the whole thing. Before, we were like, "Alright, what is this." Now, we're just confused and too bored to laugh.



Uninspired Tagline Central
So, the name of the company behind it is the Light Group, and they're apparently a bunch of ego-centric hacks who could only think to name their club after themselves. To make matters worse, they cover the project in gag-inducing slogans like, "Have you seen the light?" and "Get turned on." They're even like, "After dark ... there is light." And that literally makes no sense. Because what dark are they talking about? You mean the depressing state of affairs for EDM?