Justin Bieber, the Murder and Castration Plot: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown
Justin Bieber's balls are safe. Phew.
However, Canada's most popular pair of 18-year-old pop nuts came mighty close to soaking in some sick fuck's mason jar full of formaldehyde.
Police say that convicted murderer and rapist Dana Martin hired Mark Staake and his nephew Tanner Ruane, two men he met at Southern New Mexico Correctional Facility in Las Cruces, to castrate and kill the "Baby" singer and his bodyguard following a recently sold-out gig at Madison Square Garden, according to Billboard.
But luckily, police intervened before the would-be assassins got away with Bi-Bi's testes. Check out an extremely detailed breakdown of the murder and castration plot after the cut.
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Love at First "Baby"
In 2000, well before Bieber blew up, Martin, a bona fide piece-of-shit individual, raped and murdered a 15-year-old high school sophomore in Vermont circa 2000. After being convicted, the soulless waste of flesh and bones was transported to a prison in Las Cruces "for his own safety," according to Albuquerque's KRQE, where he'd eventually fall in love with Bieber's falsetto.
Naturally, as Southern New Mexico Correctional Facility's biggest Belieber, Martin reaffirmed his passion for the Biebz with a prison tattoo.
However, once Bieber's balls dropped and his voice changed, Marin's favorite pop star was virtually unrecognizable.
Clearly, Marin skipped that episode of the Brady Bunch where Peter's voice drops a few octaves as his body experience "Changes."
He felt cheated after Bieber stopped sounding like a pre-pubescent tween girl and developed the pipes of a strong, young man.
Naturally, the next logical step for Martin to take was to find an equally demented con whose prison release date coincided with the Northeastern leg of Biber's Believe Tour.