Kanye West and Kim Kardashian Raising Baby in Miami?! Seven Predictions
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are having a baby! Last night, the 35-year-old rapper channeled his inner Ricky Ricardo, dedicating part of his Atlantic City concert to his "Perfect Bitch" and her childbearing hips.
"Stop the music for a second. Stop the music," West demanded. "Can we make some noise for my baby mama right quick?"
Wooo! But Crossfade would also like to take this opportunity to predict Kimye Jr.'s upbringing in Miami-Dade County.
After all, the power couple has been in the market for a $10 million mansion since October.
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Infancy: Jr Showers in Violetas
If you've been in Miami long enough to meet a Cuban baby, you know full well that they smell like the finest perfume not-a-lot-of-money can buy.
Popular amongst everyone, Corlys' Violetas is the liquid gold standard of nostalgia, a scented stamp-of-approval that reminds everyone, this baby's from Miami.
Age Three: Jr. Learns to Swim... In the Everglades
Sure, it's dangerous. There're a ton of alligators and a bunch of invasive pythons ready to swallow a child whole. But the Everglades are disappearing.
If Yeezy and Kim want to teach their child about the environment, there're few better places than the 'Glades.
Age Seven: Slaughters a Pig with Family for Noche Buena
Nothing screams "Holiday Spirit" louder than a 60-pound pig in Hialeah squealing in misery. And every little boy and girl, regardless of what they celebrate, should experience it at least once.
Yeah, there's a chance Jr. may never eat meat again or find the appeal of bacon everything. But so what? At least he'll always have that memory of Mom and Dad going "cray" on that swine.