Holy Ship!! 2013: An Epic Three-Day Recap
5 a.m.: A girl in the bathroom announces how she almost got a picture with Diplo on the beach today but the battery in her camera died the moment her friend pressed the button. "I'm not sure," she says, "that I will ever get over it."
5:30 a.m.: On a back deck, an observer posits that while many of the ships we can see in the distance might be hosting similarly ecstatic experiences for their guests, (this part of the Caribbean seems to be some sort of cruise ship parking lot), ours is likely the most culturally relevant ship out to sea, because ours is the one hosting ground-breaking artists and music. A waning crescent moon rises over the sea and reflects on the water. It will be a bit sad when this is over.
|Photo by Katie Bain|
8 a.m.: An impossibly loud announcement comes over the loudspeaker saying that it's time to begin the disembarkation process. This is crap news for everyone who went to bed two hours ago or less. Back to sleep.
9:30 am: Another announcement comes on from a man who identifies himself as Sgt. Buzzkill (the same dude who sent out a mass e-mail before we took off reminding attendees that "marijuana is federally illegal, even if it's prescribed to you by a physician in your state"). He informs us that there will be drug dogs waiting for us when we get off the boat and that it is illegal to bring substances including vegetables and "freshly harvested human organs" off the ship. In a fit of panic, I throw my freshly harvested human organs overboard and drag myself to the shower.
11 a.m.: The Fort Lauderdale airport looks like a raver refugee camp with worn and haggard Holy Ship!! attendees passed out all over the floor. I put on my headphones, pull up Spotify's "soothing ocean waves" track and sleep until I hear the final boarding call for my plane home.
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