The Six Bad Bitches You Meet at Ultra Music Festival

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Damn, Ultra Music Festival is a mad house. Everywhere you look, it's neon titties, the bottom half of an ass, or some kind of sexy rabbit hoppin' around with a lollipop in her cheek.

Last year, we introduced "The Seven Ravers You Meet at Ultra Music Festival." But this time, we're giving it up to the ladies.

Only a special kind of woman can brave the downtown Miami masses for three days. And maybe even six. It takes guts, hutzpah, but not a whole lot of clothing.

Here are the six bad bitches you meet at Ultra. Keep your hands to yourself, trick.

See also:
-Ten Raver Tips on How to Dress for Ultra 2013
-Ultra 2013: Yeasayer Insulted the Ravers While Matt & Kim Charmed Them
-Ultra Music Festival 2013, Weekend One, Day Two: The 91-Photo Slideshow
-Five New and International Names for Molly, According to Ultra Ravers
-Swedish House Mafia Kicks Off Ultra 2013, "F#$%s Miami in the Pussy"
-Ultra in Pics: The 15 Photo Highlights, From Marijuana Boobs to Human Bananas

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The Down-Ass Bitch
This girl leaves the weed pasties and glitter sticks at home. She'd rather shock you with her wild sense of humor and make you think. But that doesn't mean she can't party. On the contrary, she's one bad-ass motherfucker, and she'll drink you under the table. She's here to see acts like Crystal Castles and Borgore and other dark, edgy shit no mere bro can handle without a license to ill. What she can't stand is all you drunk assholes wandering around, unable to handle your drugs and beers. Fucking babies.

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The 'Mericuh Bitch
A big part of UMF is the parade of flags, not that it's an organized aspect of the festivities. But basically everyone reps their home country. Even those of us who didn't have to bother with customs to be here. In fact, Americans like to show off the most. That's why these proud suffragettes adorn their whole bodies in Americana. Damn, Betsy Ross, stars and stripes can be hot! These chicks are ready for that Tiësto, that Benny Benassi, that Major Lazer. But they're not that excited about expensive Ultra drinks. This is the U.S.A. and it should be ladies night every night!

Location Info


Bayfront Park

301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami, FL

Category: General

Klipsch Amphitheater at Bayfront Park

301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami, FL

Category: Music

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We walked around with an HD camera for 3 hours, here's the video:

Alternatively, it can be found at   -or- www.LaserLightShow.ORG

Lauren Kathryn
Lauren Kathryn

Thats just an everyday south beach look...bitch please...I liked the flat chested pasty pics better than this

Tony Miller
Tony Miller

And a large majority of these bad bitches fall into the baddest category of all. The under 21 bitch. Ask for I.d.

Geral John Pinault
Geral John Pinault

Here's a brand new poem that will be included in Poetry E-Book #19 this summer... I was lost in the wilderness and all alone… No one loved me – I couldn’t find my comfort zone! And then the shining light that was you came out of the darkness to rescue me, And I was thrilled beyond compare when you said that my loneliness Was about to become ancient history! In the wink of an eye we fell in love… It’s funny how things can change when you meet someone nice; Someone who can shine a light on your new-found romance Once push comes to shove! Time slips away but I’m O.K. with all of that today, Because you my lovely lady have chased my blues away! Come on now woman let me shine a little light on you… I’m ready to take our relationship so much higher So that you and I will never have to feel blue! Wear this ring as a sign of my affection and devotion, As no other woman can compare to you now my love – You’re the one who set this whole thing into motion! The rhythm of the night lights our way… Isn’t it grand that you and I are moving on now into better days?! There’s no way that we’re staying home tonight as we’re going To celebrate our love in such a festive way, And I owe everything that is good in my world today to you So here’s to us doll – you’ve saved the day! Geral John Pinault March 17, 2013 ©

Geral John Pinault
Geral John Pinault

Why does the Miami Press always publicize the baddest, ugger bitches and not the nicest babes? We have the finest women around anywhere America. Come down and see for yourselves today! You just might to get to meet me!!!


@Tony Miller I'm pretty sure the under 18 bitch is a worse category, being under 21 isn't that bad. Not sure why you would ID one though? Unless you're a paranoid bartender...

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