EDM: How to Succeed in Five Easy Steps!

Have a Gimmick
Talent is overrated, but a sick-ass helmet will have you going places. No one is listening to your music anyway, they just want to see a show. Give the people a show! If you're not going to wear a sweet mask or costume, find something else. Walk out over the crowd in a bubble, throw food at them, find a way to DJ in a revolving cage. Or, If you're a woman, just put your tits out there and model. That's usually good enough.

Jump on Trains
So, you're a bass-driven producer? Make sure you stay on top of all the genres. You might have started out as a dupstep DJ, but if you don't have moombahton edits and trap remixes in your arsenal, you're out of here. And house DJs, make sure you're ready to blast them with progressive and trance. The important thing: As soon as a new fad gets hip, you attack that formula with everything you've got. It's the only way to stay relevant, and it's way easier than coming up with your own sound.

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Christ on a bike.........do you as a writer know anything about the scene?

Tiesto, Armin Van Buuren, Jon Digweed, Danny Tenaglia, Fatboy Slim, Carl Cox...the REAL guys on top of it all...are all in their 30's, 40's and 50s.

Who the fuck hires people like you to write for this publication?  Have you ever taken a journalism course in your life?

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