DJ Paris Hilton Signs to Cash Money: Five Reasons Her "House Album" Will Suck Balls

Paris_Hilton_Cash_Money_Records.jpg

Paris Hilton must really love abuse, because she just signed a record deal with Cash Money to release her follow-up to 2006's weird and critically-forgotten Paris.

She plans to release a "house album." And, like, nothing about a fluffy hip-hop label signing a talentless heiress to make EDM music sounds sellout-y.

Gasp! You say Cash Money's legit ... Well, let us remind you, this is the same label that signed the poppy Barbie doll rapper Nicki Minaj, as well as the who-gives-a-damn '90s macho mess Limp Bizkit. To put it bluntly, Lil Wayne, Birdman, and crew don't know what the eff they're doing these days.

And here are Crossfade's five reasons that DJ Paris Hilton's "house album" will suck balls.

See also:
-Lil Wayne and DJ Paris Hilton's Sex Tape
-Paris Hilton's DJ Debut Sucked Balls: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

She's a Terrible DJ
In 2013, DJing and producing go hand-in-hand. Granted, not all producers should be DJing and not all DJs should be producing. But we're going to go out on a limb and say Hilton shouldn't be doing either. We know that Afrojack worked on the album with her, so it might have some chance for chart success if he ghostwrote a couple dank hooks. We still don't really want to listen to that shit, though.



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8 comments
Lex Dillinger
Lex Dillinger

Pepe Billete should write an article about this.

hbj_305
hbj_305

Would be very surprised if a full album is actually made.  Maybe a lame single, but a full album?  No Way!  Cash money could not even bring Mystical back.  You must have forgot that Mystical signed after he got out of prison.

Kenia West
Kenia West

Lol w.e if u guys were rich like that, u too will be doin w.e shit comes to mind.. dj, actor,king of ur own island.. shit in a gold toilet etc etc

Marisa Perez
Marisa Perez

Is she booked to play at Ultra 2014 on the main stage yet?....lmaoooo

Ferny Prego
Ferny Prego

Five Reasons Paris Hilton's Album Will Suck Balls: (1) Lil Wayne signed her (2) She is Paris Hilton (3) She is Paris Hilton (4) She is Paris Hilton (5) She is Paris Hilton

Marco Batista
Marco Batista

Stupid bitch, just doing it for the money, more garbage on music...

drakemallard
drakemallard topcommenter



Have no clue who this skank is and don't want to know. But lol at what she is trying to sell. Yeah, the porn star was the one who wants the attention

her 15 minutes are beyond up


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