Six Worst Miami Pick-Up Lines, According to the Ladies

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Photo by Laurie Charles
Pitbull isn't preppy enough for Teresita Perez.

"I Could Be Preppy Like Pitbull"
"Once a guy asked me what kind of guys I like," said Teresita Perez, who was all smiles celebrating her birthday.

"I told him, 'I like preppy guys,' and this guy was wearing a backwards hat and baggy pants."

"He told me, 'I have Lacostie shirts," Perez said.

"Lacostie, like Lacoste?" I asked.

"Yes!" she laughed. "I told him, 'That's not exactly what I meant.' So then he said, 'I can be preppy like Pitbull.' I said, 'No, thank you.'"

"It didn't work on me. But hey, this was three years ago and I still remember."

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Photo by Laurie Charles
Stephanie Farah, left, and her friends don't have a mirror in their pants.

"Do You Have a Mirror in Your Pants?"
Stephanie Farah and her friends were dancing by the crowded bar.

"Hmm, I don't know... 'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?' of course," said Farah's friend who was wearing a coral top that hugged all of her curves.

"The worst is," Farah cut in. "'Do you have a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.'"

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Photo by Laurie Charles
Angela Oneto, left, and her friend won't fall for corny small talk.

Awkward Small Talk
Sitting by a table near the entrance of Blackbird was Angela Oneto and a friend.

"Someone asked us right now if this place was really good... He was dancing," Oneto said. "And then he was like, 'I'm not trying to hit on you or anything, I just wanna know if it sucks.'"

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Blackbird Ordinary

729 SW 1st Ave., Miami, FL

Category: Music


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18 comments
chipahoy
chipahoy topcommenter

Many of these women are "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" (a seventies movie in which a woman clubs every night looking for the perfect man; she is finally murdered by some guys she picks up at a bar).  These chicks think that they are going to find Mr. Perfect who is going to carry them away from their problems and take care of them - wake up ladies! Get in school, open a business, learn to be self reliant.  And man are you ladies competetive - anything to get one up on the other girls. Boob jobs, butt jobs, piercings, porn wanna be tattoos, skanky hooker outfits, whatever it takes. It's hilarious!

RANTone
RANTone

i have only once asked a girl for her number and it was back in like '94 when i was about 12 years old. even when i talk to girls i dont know and it goes well (which is pretty uncommon), i rarely even ask for their name. i can make a girl laugh, but i got zero game.

david
david

I think "wouldn't it be great to be somewhere far away from this overrated swamp full of vapid, self-obsessed nitwits?" might work well.

Adrian Arias
Adrian Arias

Honestly, half those women are obviously D-deprived and have no business rejecting guys. They should know how to accept charity when it's offered.

Frank Castle
Frank Castle

i never buy a girl a drink when i first meet her but then again i know how to pick up chicks :)

Christine King
Christine King

"I am supposed to have a threesome with these two chicks in my luxury hotel, but I'll cancel it for you" and from same idiot "Do you want to see my Porsche?" and "My shirt costs $400"

Orlando De Frias
Orlando De Frias

Damn girl, you must be an angel. Because I'm pretty sure I raped and murdered you last week.

somejerk
somejerk

A really great and effective pick up thing is to print out a fake pay stub that makes it look like your rich and to "accidentally" have it fall out of your pocket dancing next to an obvious gold digger. 

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