Cherub's Perfect Party: A Guide

Cherub_summerparty_Ford_Fairchild.jpg
photo by Ford Fairchild
Cherub: This party has the proper dude-to-goat ratio.

Summer officially begins this week, which means it's time to take a vacation from partying only pretty hard. So load up the station wagon with ice, naked people, and flavored sonogram gel because Miami's not stopping until September.

And to kick off your road trip to oblivion, Nashville electro-pop duo Cherub will be playing Bardot on Saturday night. The pair's new 100 Bottles EP is the latest in a series of sweaty, sexy, party-starting jams that qualifies Jordan Kelly and Jason Huber to give even someone like you some party advice.

For starters, here are their must-have ingredients for any good party. Jason says you're going to need "loud speakers and a nice girl-to-guy ratio," which is about "three-to-one. I'm a guy. But a girl, too, when there are too many guys, they get weirded out."

See also:
-Cherub Will Slap You in the Face and/or Smack Your Butt Cheeks and Call You "Daddy"

More importantly, he continues, "You need to not be wearing any underwear to a party. It's the same rule with leather pants but extended." Anything else? "How can you have a party without balloons?" Jordan asks rhetorically, like all good questions about balloons are asked.

But this is Miami, where all you have to do to start a party is walk into a crowded room and yell, "Party!" Good thing the Cherub dudes are also experts on keeping parties going. Generous to a fault, they've offered advice on overcoming some common party-stopping scenarios to keep your summer from becoming just another dumb season between spring and fall.

Crossfade: It's a hot, humid Miami summer and just when everything is getting good, the power goes out. No music, no air conditioning, no blender for the virgin daiquiris.
Jason: That's easy. You play, "Guess Who's in My Mouth."

It's one of those parties where everybody is supposed to bring something. You show up and everyone has brought a sleeve of cups but there's nothing to put in it except for a black banana you find in the kitchen.
Jason: You've got nothing other than a banana? You've got to go out and get drinks.
Jordan: Sometimes people bring stuff that you don't need cups for. Powders and pills. And at those parties, maybe you'll have a longer, better time because people won't get drunk and sleepy.

You open the cooler expecting frosty beers but you find that instead, it's one of those organ transplant containers and there's a liver just hanging out in there. All of the coolers are organ transplant coolers.
Jason: You have more livers to party much harder with. That's an immediate bonus.
Jordan: You could eat them. You ride out that thrill and your party turns into a barbecue. Obviously, the organs are well maintained because they've been in a cooler.

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Bardot

3456 N. Miami Ave., Miami, FL

Category: Music

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