Flo Rida Makes Crappy Music With Lasers: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

flo_rida_beamz.jpg

"Have you ever dreamed of being a star?"

Who's asking? Flo Rida! He wants to make your dreams come true, and he's not going to do it with the exciting new BeamzByFlo, "the future of interactive music."

What is it? Probably the cheapest piece of plastic crap turned musical instrument since Guitar Hero, with about the same level of playability. It is four red laser beams stretched across two black plastic bars, and you play it like an asshole to hear shitty covers of pop hits.

It comes with a 30-day free trial and a heaping pile of regret. Let's watch the infomercial.

0:00 - 0:08
There's that question again. He's either wearing those sunglasses in his own infomercial because he's (a) stoned, (b) embarrassed to be seen there, or (c) all of the above. "The hottest music technology to hit the market." Orly?

0:09 - 0:15
Even if you might be kind of smart, Beamz has the skills to turn you into the kind of fratty douchebag who doesn't wear sleeves or his hat correctly -- instantly!

0:16 - 0:20
It gives everyone the power to destroy and ruin his credibility, so now, you can be the biggest tool in the room. Unless you're about 5 or 8 or something, and then this might hold your attention for about ten minutes.



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2 comments
George Patterson
George Patterson

Holy shit, this is amazing. I can't tell if this is for real or not. There is so much superfluous trash money just floating out there.

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