Six Reasons to Never Have Sex With a DJ

groupies.jpg
Just like that douche did to Kate Hudson in Almost Famous, your DJ beau will trade you in for beer and make you cry.

Calm down, party girl/boy. Before you go flaunting your shiz in the face of the selector, think about what you're really getting yourself into.

Sure, dating (or even just fucking) a DJ seems like it would be a perk-filled romp through Awesomeville's romance district. Your new beau will not only shower you with ego-stroking affection, but (s)he comes with an endless playlist of sick tunes, free drinks, free drugs, VIP access, and the ability to skip any line imaginable.

Well, you can stop right there. Because even if you get any one of those things up front, you can pretty much bet that it's going to end badly. Then you're going to feel like an idiot and a prostitute. How do we know? We've been there. Learn from our mistakes.

See also: EDM Is Sexist: Eight Reasons It Sucks to Be a Woman Who Raves

Author's Note: I am a heterosexual woman and therefore can only speak on the subject of sleeping with male DJs. I don't claim that these deal breakers apply to female DJs (of which there are plenty, you sexist prick). I now revert to strict use of male pronouns. Special thanks to the fellas who made this post possible. In the end, you were worth something.

He Got Into This for One Reason: Free Pussy
We were watching the incredibly fantastic film High Fidelity and LOL-ed when we heard the main character relate how he met main love interest Laura while DJing. He says something like "picking up interesting girls is kind of the whole point of the DJ thing in the first place." It's true. More likely than not, your DJ beau grew up a nerdy target for jocks, and now he's living out his wildest dreams of actually being one of the cool kids. There is always some groupie whore right around the corner with giant puppy eyes and a mouth ready to suck up every last inch of almost-famous cock in the world. This is a battle you can't win. Your feelings don't measure up to groupie competition. Don't let him turn you into one of them.

His Inflated Ego Is Only a Mask for a Really Sad Soul
You wouldn't believe how many DJs cry about their lives when no one else is around. Don't forget, this is Revenge of the Nerds time, and they are probably still holding on to a lot of feelings of inferiority. It's true what they say, you can't love someone until you love yourself, and your mother was right, you can't fix him. Even if it feels serious, he'll eventually hit that point where his bitterness kicks in and he sabotages the whole relationship anyway. You're wasting your time.

See also: Ten Worst Raver Cliches

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157 comments
brosef
brosef

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha!

Look at how many butthurt comments are on this board.  I keep coming back to just read that!  My favorites in this piece are "behind the ego is a really sad soul" and "no bath in the world will keep you feeling like a dirty trick"  LMFAO!!

DKSS
DKSS

Uh, what kind of woman goes after unnamed, anonymous "sluts" and "whores"? You have a lot of nerve to be singling out the dudes for their sexist empty attitudes when whipping out these ugly slurs against other women you don't so much as bother naming. Pretty pitiful display and you are doing a huge disservice to your own point, encouraging dudes to think of women/groupies/etc. in these terms. Fail. Big-time.

acelive
acelive

jesus H christ this writer has a vendetta for dj's BIG TIME. everyone is getting on the defense, and righfully so, even myself because i've been djing for years and i got into it because i love music and wanted to bring happiness to everyone and amazing underground tunes that theyve never heard before, i have a girlfriend  of 6 years who is the best thing thats ever happened to me and have never wanted to fuck her over for some pointless piece of ass on a weekend, all i want to do on weekends is relax and stay home with a few friends and have a couple of casuals, and the only thing im addicted to is a controlling the entire atmosphere of a crowd of people. 

BUT i do also know a lot of people who are so fucking into themselves its not even funny. I'm just playing the neutral here. i've met tons of dj's that think theyre the hottest shit to come around since sliced bread, and theyre playing an empty fuckin club on a thursday, and all they do is get coked out and act like they just got named djmag's #1 artist of 2013, and yes unfortunately there will be one groupie that will fuck him anyways. but just the way this write portrays dj's as a whole is pretty fucking sad. she's constantly  preaching about guys being sexist, THIS IS AS SEXIST AS IT GETS, making it now super hypocritical. the only thing people are going to take away from reading bullshit like this is that you are a bitter miserable person with a 10' pole up your ass, and were the one groupie that fucked the dj and got tossed to the curb and now has a hate-on. so don't just ASSUME that we're all pieces of shit, and we'll all try not to ASSUME you're a ignorant imbecile, because when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

quit wasting your life away with this garbage and write about something that means something. i'm sorry you're bitter and i'm sorry that i let myself get sucked down to your level of bullshit that i had to waste my morning responding to this. i'm sure there's a million more ways to be productive. hope youre as full of forgiveness as you are of hate. good luck.

spon
spon

1. well no, I got into this cause I've been producing EDM for years and wanted to live from my art

2. I put a lot of myself in my sets so I must have a solid (as opposite to inflated) ego because critics & dislikes hit me directly. sad soul ? well, Im an artist. all artists are tortured souls somehow.

3. can't be a serious producer and have addiction. yes I like to party. but during the week I get back to the same normal life than everyone of you. (ok, I'm addicted to coffe. that's all)

4. oooh no. when you're into music all the time (gigs every week end + producing & working your sets all the other days) you just want something in the evening : silence. at most I go out 1 day during the week (not counting gigs on the w-e) to see my friends.

5. this is actually a good point, but it only works for local DJs whose names appear a lot on your city walls or FB newsfeed. ( & about the " selfish, disrespectful sack of human garbage" : everyone see their exes this way, at least for a while)

6. groupies are cool. I sometimes sleep with some, stay in contact, etc. usually groupies follow particular artists and don't sleep with any guy able to press play on a turntable. it's the DJ whores who do that. and usually they totally assume it (and they can be fun to sleep with too, except that you must not get attached to her otherwise you'll suffer cause they're true whores. and a DJ buddy of yours may already have pounded her some weeks ago, or will do it 2 weeks later). last case is the most common : the regular girl who is drunk and/or high and gets seduced by the DJ (himself, or his set) and sleeps with him and regrets it.  just like with any non-DJ guy able to pick up a girl. in that case maybe you should consider stopping getting drunk in parties then.

lcgutleben
lcgutleben

Can I ask you something, Author of this article?

What's it feel like to be a bitter witch?  

I am happily married to a DJ and we have a child together.  Most (if not all) of our mutual friends are DJs or dating/married to DJs.  This article is YOUR experience with probably a handful of men who THINK they are DJs. 

1) Not all DJs are druggies.

2) Not all DJs are male.  

3) Stop being a prude.  No strings attached sex is AWESOME, ESPECIALLY with a DJ. 

vjhurricane
vjhurricane

Sounds like someone is missing the DJ that she gave it up to and now she's bitter! Many of us Working Professional Disc Jockies are married and happy.. We did not all get into this for "free pussy" , we got into this for the love of music and performance and for THE MONEY. Your obviously the trash that gave it up to quickly to every DJ in south Florida so what does that say about you? Trash.

simianca2000
simianca2000

Like most people,  I always thought DJ was just another term for unemployed.

" Perk filled romp" ? Thats hilarious! Truth is most people just tolerate them because they feel they are needed to play the music

goonies
goonies

haha, this is sad and such a joke, the writer is obviously crying over a bad experience

bernardob93
bernardob93

I'm not sure if i'm supposed to laugh or cry at this article, its so bad...

cypressbalto
cypressbalto

This article is so sickeningly hypocritical I could barely stomach reading it. You call us sexist for making the assumption that female DJ's aren't as prevalent as male ones, yet you continue to make the statement that all male DJ's are drug addled, alcoholic douchebags who are physically incapable of holding any type of relationship with another human being. I'm a DJ. I've played at clubs. I've met girls through those clubs. And I've dated some of those girls. But you know what's funny about it? Ironically, most of them ended up breaking MY heart. I'm apart of the EDM/Trap scene and the DJ's I've met in the past few months- male and female- are some of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of coming in contact with. Your editorial is sickening, offensive, and hypocritical. I think you need to give more people the benefit of the doubt before verbally attacking an entire group of, for the most part, very good people.

howold
howold

How old are you? This articel is full of prejudices, wrong and it seems like you are the poor said girl that got fucked by a DJ and is not on the guest list anymore... Good luck with your life ;-)

dj004
dj004

How embittered is your life you took the time to write this?  The vast majority of DJs I know (including myself) are some of the most upstanding and righteous guys I know.  The married ones are faithful to a fault, and the single ones are just outright nice guys.  Yeah we got into it for one reason, but that reason is MUSIC.  You're proly pissed off because he likes what he does more than he likes you, and for good reason on his part.  If you feel like a trick afterward, maybe you are.  Good DJs get attention, and yeah its part of the life.  But most of us don't do drugs. many don't even drink, and if we aren't DJing usually don't go out.  I'd be more inclined to put this article up as satire than fact.  Sorry you're attracted to douchbags and feel the need to blame others for your insecurity.

nicktherec
nicktherec

Sad,feel sorry for her, so bitter, she needs to get some therapy. Are all dj's the same? If she keeps choosing the same 'type' who end up treating her that way then   she needs to take a look at herself. How can someone with so little self awareness be a serious journalist?

bdsl1
bdsl1

Nice slut shaming here. A+.

silverice
silverice

This should just be called "Six Reasons Not to Date a Musician". Applies just as well. 

jp006
jp006

Those of you pasting soundcloud players SUCK! Desperate beggars for plays, with really terrible stuff. Scum.

seriphim1
seriphim1

Producer/DJ here:
first of all:
I've been in a highly functional relationship for the last four years with a girl that I met in the scene.
not once have I ever cheated on her, blown the money for a romantic evening on coke or forced her to go out when she didn't want to.
While yes: there have been some super trendy sluts that have tried to get my number/ give me theirs/ get me to forget the woman I love the most 

I stay vigilant. 

secondly:

there are other guys out there like me.
sounds to me like you dated a DJ who found someone better suited for HIS needs and you wrote this article about him. 
sorry you don't get the free drugs that you used to 
even more sorry that you're some hipster that couldn't hang with the more youthful party goers.

Thirdly:

I can manage my money just fine. 
the fact that part of this article speaks on the broke ass aspect of djs shows me that you had these super high expectations for your "shiny new DJ girlfriend lifestyle" full of free parties, drugs, and fame. only to find that djs are usually hard working, underpaid people trying to get by just like everyone else, and if you found a local dj, maybe he didn't attend college, BUT
90% of the successful djs Ive met have a Degree in one field or another, whether it be communications, or sound engineering, hell, Ive even met a producer that was a Mathematics Teacher at UC Berkeley made most of his music by using complex algorithms.

your damnation of the rave slut indicates your failure in your efforts of becoming one and so the only thing left I have to say is

wipe the running mascara from your eyes, let that skrillex haircut grow out and get back in line.

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

And just why not because some of them female dj's are pretty damn hot.

conceitedcuqui
conceitedcuqui

This girl sounds so dumb. She must have gotten her heart broken by a DJ and by the looks of her picture, I can see why. I personally take offense when I hear any generalization. Not all DJ's are in it for FREE PUSSY! Their some that just really love music and actually make a living doing this. This article is just plain ignorant. Sure there's some Dee Jay's that do that job for the girls but like everything in life. No everyone is the same. Real DJ's don't do it for the PUSSY! That's like saying all OB/GYN Doctors do it for all the PUSSY they get to see. Idk what kind of DJ's she knows but obviously they suck.

turntablist
turntablist

 pussy is always free??  wtf why do women think its some kind of commodity.  Maybe not being a groupie will get you a real man..and a true DJ..  When no one else is around Im makin music..  She prolly date them jukebox deejays who can't actually DJ..  lol

and its a job, this chic act like she want to stay in the house all the time, everybody ":goes out" to work the fuss 


all in all its not us..its your terrible decisions in "djs"   and or men...haa

TheMessenger
TheMessenger

Dear Entertainment Industry Douches: Clean up your act and behave with integrity and people like this chick nor anyone will have a reason to call you all out on your dirt. Generalizations suck yes indeed but it goes to show there's a whole lot of you out here doing dirt to people that someone felt compelled enough to warn people about you.

Dear Entertainment Industry PROFESSIONALS: Keep approaching your job and others with integrity. Continue to raise the standard with your Music and how you treat those that you come in contact with. Lead the way, enjoy longevity/success, and continue to live with a clean Conscious knowing you're not out here breaking people down for your ego. Leave a positive imprint on people with your talent and good character.

SerpentVenomous
SerpentVenomous

This article fails on all levels.  All "bullet points" could EASILY be related to all of HER experiences, nothing more.  Sucks that the author continually has sh*tty taste in partners and she feels the need to put all men in the industry on blast due to it.


As a professional, I do this for the love on entertaining a large crowd, and everything else is gravy.  I wish I knew what the author does for a live so that I could come up with some bullsh*t list as to why people shouldn't date those in whatever career field SHE chose.


It would make just as much sense.

wombdoomer
wombdoomer

Kat Bein, you really should have stayed in community college instead of becoming another trendy "EDM" kid. Your hard-hitting reporting on topics such as raves and Bassnectar prove that you're just another hipster without a clue about this scene.

mutedechoes
mutedechoes

This is hilarious…funny thing, I'm currently dating (and first time dating) a DJ/Producer (NOT interchangeable terms, btw, he just happens to be both) and he happens to be the most professional, put together, money conscious, adult I have ever been with.  We are happily monogamous, he treats me like a princess and I absolutely adore him.  We don't party every time he has a gig, in fact half the times we stay to enjoy the other DJs and then chill out at home.  He is actually quite the musical guru production wise, selection wise, and all around knowledge.  And you know what?  I met him through a group of DJ friends who are EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.  If anything, I feel I've leveled up dating him.  Perhaps your situation is not the general consensus?  Perhaps you should take a look at yourself and what you look for in men before posting bogus articles…reflections, dear, the people we date and surround ourselves with are mere reflections.

carcinoGynaecologist
carcinoGynaecologist

Yay for generalizations. So, You can speak for my music scene as well, then? Cool, please tell me all about how nobody should consider once, let alone twice dating myself or my housemate, since you seem to know so much more about us than even I had. I should be taking notes... FUCKFUCKFUCK WHO'S GOT A PEN
Okay, #1: A DJ and Producer are not interchnagable terms. .... .... ....
M-master has presented Dobby with a sock?

daveisendj
daveisendj

THIS ARTICLE IS JUST AWFUL IN EVERY WAY. ONE SIDED AND GENERALIZING TO THE MAX. For the record I would never want to date this author. She sounds like a narcissistic, depressed person. If I ever see her at a club I'm spinning at I will make sure she's kicked out. 

>Happy Halloween =)

mr_machine
mr_machine

The writer of this article is a horrible person who obviously got her heart broken by yet another dj who probably saw her for the low person she really is. Have a good life Kat Brin!

monbon
monbon

I love all the DJ's posting their mixes....ego ego ego ego. Not everyone is the same but I can say a DJ without his head up his ass is hard to find. I've met a few guys exactly like this article but it's not to say ALL dj's are like that. I don't think this is meant to be taken to heart, just making a point. Everyone calm down on your feminist, sassy rants. 

drumsyndicate
drumsyndicate

hmmm.  read through this, laughed, realized that at one point I was kinda one of those djs... but now... it's more that I just like to make people dance.  


it actually messes with my head when people idolize me as a dj.   i'm just a person who likes to make people have a good time.  

and for good times... here you go

https://soundcloud.com/keepit100sf/keep-it-100-fan-page-mix-hp

barry.hill78
barry.hill78

As a DJ for 18 years I started DJing because of the music. I continued DJing because of the people I met and the crowds that raised their hands. 

You must have slept with the opening DJ, cuz those are usually the ones who NEED to play at a show because of their ego.  

Up your standards guuuurl. 

vjhurricane
vjhurricane

Actually many of us claim over 6 figures annually.. And that's just what we report. Hahaa

TurboDre
TurboDre

@cypressbalto my favourite part was how she opened with "Sure, dating (or even just fucking) a DJ seems like it would be a perk-filled romp...", demonstrating that she has't the slightest bit of understanding of the difference between the two.

starlj
starlj

@mr_machine Umm, Kat appears to be a very talented humor writer.  I found this piece to be thoroughly enjoyable and intend to seek out more of her work.  All who took offense should lighten up; you're taking it way too personally.  Really, stand back a little and laugh, this is good stuff.

barry.hill78
barry.hill78

@monbon i take the blame for that. i posted the first mix (not knowing it would auto play) and everyone else followed suit. My bad. 

getmilk
getmilk

@vjhurricane if you're actually getting big, even still, a real job will make your wage look lackluster. Programmers, I made the programs you use to do your work, and I make more than twice what you do. ;)


(also, I DJ (and produce music) for fun on the weekends, and I don't have to worry about this stupid shit for a wage... LOL, keep thinking you've got it made bro)

ethandude10
ethandude10

@barry.hill78 Also dude people want to hear originals they don't want to hear how good or bad your mix is. Trust me i used to post mixes and stuff and people don't give a shit honestly

ethandude10
ethandude10

@barry.hill78 Also dude people want to hear originals they don't want to hear how good or bad your mix is. Trust me i used to post mixes and stuff and people don't give a shit honestly

Rave_Channel
Rave_Channel

@barry.hill78 
your music is  shit like paris hilton's
and it's for SIMPLE minded people
this 
8,863 plays your mix have is ONLY because you put it around in  comments on 1000 sites  with autoplay enabled
so your shitty mix  stars to play when i  get here
you are just a  spammer
and sucker go feed your child and don't waste my eardrums here

vjhurricane
vjhurricane

Let's not get into a dik size contest.. My point was that Disc Jocky can be a lucrative career and is for many of us. I personally also own 2 DJ schools (PromixDjAcademy.com)And a successful booking agency. I'm not gonna go further into what we make but let me just say. It is a real "job". Nitwit

barry.hill78
barry.hill78

@ethandude10 @barry.hill78 true. the article was related to djing, hence my response with a dj mix...no idea it would have resulted in the free fall of 500 people posting their mix so it would bump up their listens. 

barry.hill78
barry.hill78

@Rave_Channel haha I put it on this site and I think another article related to djing...had ZERO idea it was going to auto play. 

My apologies for forcing you to listen to it. Not my intention. 

barry.hill78
barry.hill78

@chebiva @barry.hill78 @mr_machine  there are a lot of edits, i take pride in the work I put into my mixes. but you are right, I do love some of the cheesiness (hence animals being the opening track). this mix was more about the epic melodic peak hour type stuff (since I have retired from djing this was more of a tribute to some of my live sets). My range varies, but out of most of my mixes...this is probably the most simplistic one I have done. Also it has the least amount of tracks out of any mix that I have done. I typically shoot for 30-60 tracks in a mix. 

I am terribly sorry to everyone that was forced to listen to this mix, it was not my intention. I was alerted via my soundcloud that it was automatically playing. 

chebiva
chebiva

@barry.hill78 @mr_machine Not for simple minded people? You play some seriously shallow stuff dude. Nothing creative or new put on the table. Just cheesy cookie cutter stuff.  If you embrace (like how people like cheesy movies for their cheesyness) it for that I wouldn't have commented...but to say this isn't simple stuff is really delusional. 

nospamever
nospamever

No, he's right. This mix is really exceptionally poor in every way.

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