Six Reasons to Never Have Sex With a DJ

He More Than Likely Has a Substance-Abuse Problem and Is Bad With Money
Some of the successful DJs stop partying so hard, but some of them are just raging alcoholics. Even the local DJs you sleep with will end up spending more money on coke than romantic dinners for two. And remember, they got into this because having a real job is obviously terrible and means they've given up on their childhood dreams of being a rock star. (Never grow up, never surrender.) If they're rich now, they're probably going to spend it all on sneakers or drugs or equipment (because they are all obsessed with gear), and unless they change names and genres and ride the fickle craze wave like a scene prophet for the next 30 years (unlikely), they're eventually going to end up broke. And they didn't go to college.

No One Wants to Go Out That Much, It Gets Real Old Real Fast
Whether or not your DJ beau gets steady gigs, you can be sure he has a revolving schedule of places to be for every day of the week. If you hope to stand a chance against the endless horde of early 20-somethings waving their empty heads and Forever 21-clad asses in his face, you're going to have to stand in the DJ booth next to him. It's fun at first, but after a while, you want to burn all your heels and spend the rest of your life sleeping. He won't be stoked when his party-ready babe turns into a real woman with responsibilities and grown-ass clothing, and he'll end up drunk enough to one day sneak away with some slut. That, or you develop a substance-abuse problem of your own, and that's no fun either.

See also: Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty DJ

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166 comments
xanaddams
xanaddams

Comment section filled with DJ's bitching. Lol. No one came to watch you press play on your laptop! Ha! Sad part is, it's so very, very true.

cbiem8801
cbiem8801

The author's really not slut shaming at all. In fact, she even places the onus of responsibility for any type of cheating behavior on the DJ boyfriend (when she describes having to babysit him at his own gigs) not on the "sluts" or "whores" who we can reasonably assume would typically be unaware that the DJ has a girlfriend when she's not around to keep an eye on things.

Furthermore, she even alludes pretty obviously to having started out as one of these "sluts" herself. After all, she spells out how she went for the DJs she's dated for all the same reasons she later describes having to eventually worry about other women for.

The whole point of the term "slut shaming" is for women who don't want to be judged based on their sexual behavior to reclaim words like "slut" and "whore" in order to diminish their negative meanings.

Since she calls these other women words like that after already firmly establishing that she shares all of the same characteristics with them, and since she places responsibility on the hypothetical bf for failing to resist the high quantity of readily available sex outside of the relationship (rather than the women who are merely willing to have sex with someone they are attracted to) it seems fair to assume that she did not mean slut-shame.


Lastly, assuming she actually was slut-shaming, it's not a valid criticism of her to say 'you didn't even name names, you just attacked these poor anonymous women with foul language.' Naming names is precisely how someone would slut-shame to the highest extent, because it's not anyone else's place besides the slut herself to talk about the slut's own sex life without her prior permission. Keeping it anonymous assures that no particular real individuals' reputations will be harmed should the slut in question prefer not to publicly embrace her slut identity the way many feminist activists might feel more comfortable with.

hodparli
hodparli

Get the fuck real.  Wrong on every level and point.  Maybe some people actually just love music and not the perks of "being" a DJ?  Dumbass.

alex_karalanian
alex_karalanian

Wow she is really REALLY bitter. Listen, sleep with whoever you want, just try and be smart and not too eager to please (because that always leads to disappointment). Just don't kick yourself half as hard as she does and you'll still like yourself even if you make a few mistakes. This one obviously hates herself for whatever she did and needs to A. forgive herself and the guys she chose to have sex with and B. Get over it... 

wildeep
wildeep

What a bunch of slut-shaming BS.  You and your editors should be ashamed for propagating this sort of sexist crap.

bobafatt
bobafatt

Sorry you had a bad experience(s) Kat, but I'm gonna go with the masses on your article here, and say, as someone who's been a DJ for over 20 years, this article is absolute horseshit. In those two decades, I've been in strictly long-term monogamous relationships, and not once abused my "position" as an entertainer. I'm aware of the occasional attraction of a pair of headphones and for what it's worth, it's always completely bemused me. And if someone has a magpie approach to wanting to sleep with someone because of any attachment with so-called fame (or just cos they like the headphones) then they're idiots. Not saying there aren't dudes out there that don't prey on that - but a whole lot of us don't. I got into this because I love music, and I love making people dance. That's it. This article reeks of purely bitter self-projection. Take your gross generalisation and go fuck yourself. B'bye! :)

GaryPhelps
GaryPhelps

funny that when I started out as a dj you would tell a chick that you were one and they deff wouldn't fuck you. now every girl in the spot is a groupie and I wouldn't fuck any of them. any respectable person dj or not can spot a bitch that's only into you for your status and dj perks a miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile away. sorry if you got butt hurt by dating one of these new age punks who think they are gods gift to midi controllers....but that's not all of us.

plurosaur
plurosaur

You're absolutely retarded.

I'm a DJ, and a MOTHER. I work, DJ, and care for a small child. I have been in a loving relationship, with another DJ, for two years. You make it sound like not a single one of them is in it for the music- and if they aren't they are doing it wrong. Anyone successful didn't do this for pussy, the ones doing it for vagina play house parties and blow at mixing. 


brosef
brosef

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha!

Look at how many butthurt comments are on this board.  I keep coming back to just read that!  My favorites in this piece are "behind the ego is a really sad soul" and "no bath in the world will keep you feeling like a dirty trick"  LMFAO!!

DKSS
DKSS

Uh, what kind of woman goes after unnamed, anonymous "sluts" and "whores"? You have a lot of nerve to be singling out the dudes for their sexist empty attitudes when whipping out these ugly slurs against other women you don't so much as bother naming. Pretty pitiful display and you are doing a huge disservice to your own point, encouraging dudes to think of women/groupies/etc. in these terms. Fail. Big-time.

acelive
acelive

jesus H christ this writer has a vendetta for dj's BIG TIME. everyone is getting on the defense, and righfully so, even myself because i've been djing for years and i got into it because i love music and wanted to bring happiness to everyone and amazing underground tunes that theyve never heard before, i have a girlfriend  of 6 years who is the best thing thats ever happened to me and have never wanted to fuck her over for some pointless piece of ass on a weekend, all i want to do on weekends is relax and stay home with a few friends and have a couple of casuals, and the only thing im addicted to is a controlling the entire atmosphere of a crowd of people. 

BUT i do also know a lot of people who are so fucking into themselves its not even funny. I'm just playing the neutral here. i've met tons of dj's that think theyre the hottest shit to come around since sliced bread, and theyre playing an empty fuckin club on a thursday, and all they do is get coked out and act like they just got named djmag's #1 artist of 2013, and yes unfortunately there will be one groupie that will fuck him anyways. but just the way this write portrays dj's as a whole is pretty fucking sad. she's constantly  preaching about guys being sexist, THIS IS AS SEXIST AS IT GETS, making it now super hypocritical. the only thing people are going to take away from reading bullshit like this is that you are a bitter miserable person with a 10' pole up your ass, and were the one groupie that fucked the dj and got tossed to the curb and now has a hate-on. so don't just ASSUME that we're all pieces of shit, and we'll all try not to ASSUME you're a ignorant imbecile, because when you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

quit wasting your life away with this garbage and write about something that means something. i'm sorry you're bitter and i'm sorry that i let myself get sucked down to your level of bullshit that i had to waste my morning responding to this. i'm sure there's a million more ways to be productive. hope youre as full of forgiveness as you are of hate. good luck.

spon
spon

1. well no, I got into this cause I've been producing EDM for years and wanted to live from my art

2. I put a lot of myself in my sets so I must have a solid (as opposite to inflated) ego because critics & dislikes hit me directly. sad soul ? well, Im an artist. all artists are tortured souls somehow.

3. can't be a serious producer and have addiction. yes I like to party. but during the week I get back to the same normal life than everyone of you. (ok, I'm addicted to coffe. that's all)

4. oooh no. when you're into music all the time (gigs every week end + producing & working your sets all the other days) you just want something in the evening : silence. at most I go out 1 day during the week (not counting gigs on the w-e) to see my friends.

5. this is actually a good point, but it only works for local DJs whose names appear a lot on your city walls or FB newsfeed. ( & about the " selfish, disrespectful sack of human garbage" : everyone see their exes this way, at least for a while)

6. groupies are cool. I sometimes sleep with some, stay in contact, etc. usually groupies follow particular artists and don't sleep with any guy able to press play on a turntable. it's the DJ whores who do that. and usually they totally assume it (and they can be fun to sleep with too, except that you must not get attached to her otherwise you'll suffer cause they're true whores. and a DJ buddy of yours may already have pounded her some weeks ago, or will do it 2 weeks later). last case is the most common : the regular girl who is drunk and/or high and gets seduced by the DJ (himself, or his set) and sleeps with him and regrets it.  just like with any non-DJ guy able to pick up a girl. in that case maybe you should consider stopping getting drunk in parties then.

lcgutleben
lcgutleben

Can I ask you something, Author of this article?

What's it feel like to be a bitter witch?  

I am happily married to a DJ and we have a child together.  Most (if not all) of our mutual friends are DJs or dating/married to DJs.  This article is YOUR experience with probably a handful of men who THINK they are DJs. 

1) Not all DJs are druggies.

2) Not all DJs are male.  

3) Stop being a prude.  No strings attached sex is AWESOME, ESPECIALLY with a DJ. 

vjhurricane
vjhurricane

Sounds like someone is missing the DJ that she gave it up to and now she's bitter! Many of us Working Professional Disc Jockies are married and happy.. We did not all get into this for "free pussy" , we got into this for the love of music and performance and for THE MONEY. Your obviously the trash that gave it up to quickly to every DJ in south Florida so what does that say about you? Trash.

simianca2000
simianca2000

Like most people,  I always thought DJ was just another term for unemployed.

" Perk filled romp" ? Thats hilarious! Truth is most people just tolerate them because they feel they are needed to play the music

goonies
goonies

haha, this is sad and such a joke, the writer is obviously crying over a bad experience

bernardob93
bernardob93

I'm not sure if i'm supposed to laugh or cry at this article, its so bad...

cypressbalto
cypressbalto

This article is so sickeningly hypocritical I could barely stomach reading it. You call us sexist for making the assumption that female DJ's aren't as prevalent as male ones, yet you continue to make the statement that all male DJ's are drug addled, alcoholic douchebags who are physically incapable of holding any type of relationship with another human being. I'm a DJ. I've played at clubs. I've met girls through those clubs. And I've dated some of those girls. But you know what's funny about it? Ironically, most of them ended up breaking MY heart. I'm apart of the EDM/Trap scene and the DJ's I've met in the past few months- male and female- are some of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of coming in contact with. Your editorial is sickening, offensive, and hypocritical. I think you need to give more people the benefit of the doubt before verbally attacking an entire group of, for the most part, very good people.

howold
howold

How old are you? This articel is full of prejudices, wrong and it seems like you are the poor said girl that got fucked by a DJ and is not on the guest list anymore... Good luck with your life ;-)

dj004
dj004

How embittered is your life you took the time to write this?  The vast majority of DJs I know (including myself) are some of the most upstanding and righteous guys I know.  The married ones are faithful to a fault, and the single ones are just outright nice guys.  Yeah we got into it for one reason, but that reason is MUSIC.  You're proly pissed off because he likes what he does more than he likes you, and for good reason on his part.  If you feel like a trick afterward, maybe you are.  Good DJs get attention, and yeah its part of the life.  But most of us don't do drugs. many don't even drink, and if we aren't DJing usually don't go out.  I'd be more inclined to put this article up as satire than fact.  Sorry you're attracted to douchbags and feel the need to blame others for your insecurity.

nicktherec
nicktherec

Sad,feel sorry for her, so bitter, she needs to get some therapy. Are all dj's the same? If she keeps choosing the same 'type' who end up treating her that way then   she needs to take a look at herself. How can someone with so little self awareness be a serious journalist?

bdsl1
bdsl1

Nice slut shaming here. A+.

silverice
silverice

This should just be called "Six Reasons Not to Date a Musician". Applies just as well. 

jp006
jp006

Those of you pasting soundcloud players SUCK! Desperate beggars for plays, with really terrible stuff. Scum.

seriphim1
seriphim1

Producer/DJ here:
first of all:
I've been in a highly functional relationship for the last four years with a girl that I met in the scene.
not once have I ever cheated on her, blown the money for a romantic evening on coke or forced her to go out when she didn't want to.
While yes: there have been some super trendy sluts that have tried to get my number/ give me theirs/ get me to forget the woman I love the most 

I stay vigilant. 

secondly:

there are other guys out there like me.
sounds to me like you dated a DJ who found someone better suited for HIS needs and you wrote this article about him. 
sorry you don't get the free drugs that you used to 
even more sorry that you're some hipster that couldn't hang with the more youthful party goers.

Thirdly:

I can manage my money just fine. 
the fact that part of this article speaks on the broke ass aspect of djs shows me that you had these super high expectations for your "shiny new DJ girlfriend lifestyle" full of free parties, drugs, and fame. only to find that djs are usually hard working, underpaid people trying to get by just like everyone else, and if you found a local dj, maybe he didn't attend college, BUT
90% of the successful djs Ive met have a Degree in one field or another, whether it be communications, or sound engineering, hell, Ive even met a producer that was a Mathematics Teacher at UC Berkeley made most of his music by using complex algorithms.

your damnation of the rave slut indicates your failure in your efforts of becoming one and so the only thing left I have to say is

wipe the running mascara from your eyes, let that skrillex haircut grow out and get back in line.

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

And just why not because some of them female dj's are pretty damn hot.

conceitedcuqui
conceitedcuqui

This girl sounds so dumb. She must have gotten her heart broken by a DJ and by the looks of her picture, I can see why. I personally take offense when I hear any generalization. Not all DJ's are in it for FREE PUSSY! Their some that just really love music and actually make a living doing this. This article is just plain ignorant. Sure there's some Dee Jay's that do that job for the girls but like everything in life. No everyone is the same. Real DJ's don't do it for the PUSSY! That's like saying all OB/GYN Doctors do it for all the PUSSY they get to see. Idk what kind of DJ's she knows but obviously they suck.

turntablist
turntablist

 pussy is always free??  wtf why do women think its some kind of commodity.  Maybe not being a groupie will get you a real man..and a true DJ..  When no one else is around Im makin music..  She prolly date them jukebox deejays who can't actually DJ..  lol

and its a job, this chic act like she want to stay in the house all the time, everybody ":goes out" to work the fuss 


all in all its not us..its your terrible decisions in "djs"   and or men...haa

TheMessenger
TheMessenger

Dear Entertainment Industry Douches: Clean up your act and behave with integrity and people like this chick nor anyone will have a reason to call you all out on your dirt. Generalizations suck yes indeed but it goes to show there's a whole lot of you out here doing dirt to people that someone felt compelled enough to warn people about you.

Dear Entertainment Industry PROFESSIONALS: Keep approaching your job and others with integrity. Continue to raise the standard with your Music and how you treat those that you come in contact with. Lead the way, enjoy longevity/success, and continue to live with a clean Conscious knowing you're not out here breaking people down for your ego. Leave a positive imprint on people with your talent and good character.

SerpentVenomous
SerpentVenomous

This article fails on all levels.  All "bullet points" could EASILY be related to all of HER experiences, nothing more.  Sucks that the author continually has sh*tty taste in partners and she feels the need to put all men in the industry on blast due to it.


As a professional, I do this for the love on entertaining a large crowd, and everything else is gravy.  I wish I knew what the author does for a live so that I could come up with some bullsh*t list as to why people shouldn't date those in whatever career field SHE chose.


It would make just as much sense.

wombdoomer
wombdoomer

Kat Bein, you really should have stayed in community college instead of becoming another trendy "EDM" kid. Your hard-hitting reporting on topics such as raves and Bassnectar prove that you're just another hipster without a clue about this scene.

mutedechoes
mutedechoes

This is hilarious…funny thing, I'm currently dating (and first time dating) a DJ/Producer (NOT interchangeable terms, btw, he just happens to be both) and he happens to be the most professional, put together, money conscious, adult I have ever been with.  We are happily monogamous, he treats me like a princess and I absolutely adore him.  We don't party every time he has a gig, in fact half the times we stay to enjoy the other DJs and then chill out at home.  He is actually quite the musical guru production wise, selection wise, and all around knowledge.  And you know what?  I met him through a group of DJ friends who are EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.  If anything, I feel I've leveled up dating him.  Perhaps your situation is not the general consensus?  Perhaps you should take a look at yourself and what you look for in men before posting bogus articles…reflections, dear, the people we date and surround ourselves with are mere reflections.

carcinoGynaecologist
carcinoGynaecologist

Yay for generalizations. So, You can speak for my music scene as well, then? Cool, please tell me all about how nobody should consider once, let alone twice dating myself or my housemate, since you seem to know so much more about us than even I had. I should be taking notes... FUCKFUCKFUCK WHO'S GOT A PEN
Okay, #1: A DJ and Producer are not interchnagable terms. .... .... ....
M-master has presented Dobby with a sock?

daveisendj
daveisendj

THIS ARTICLE IS JUST AWFUL IN EVERY WAY. ONE SIDED AND GENERALIZING TO THE MAX. For the record I would never want to date this author. She sounds like a narcissistic, depressed person. If I ever see her at a club I'm spinning at I will make sure she's kicked out. 

>Happy Halloween =)

mr_machine
mr_machine

The writer of this article is a horrible person who obviously got her heart broken by yet another dj who probably saw her for the low person she really is. Have a good life Kat Brin!

monbon
monbon

I love all the DJ's posting their mixes....ego ego ego ego. Not everyone is the same but I can say a DJ without his head up his ass is hard to find. I've met a few guys exactly like this article but it's not to say ALL dj's are like that. I don't think this is meant to be taken to heart, just making a point. Everyone calm down on your feminist, sassy rants. 

drumsyndicate
drumsyndicate

hmmm.  read through this, laughed, realized that at one point I was kinda one of those djs... but now... it's more that I just like to make people dance.  


it actually messes with my head when people idolize me as a dj.   i'm just a person who likes to make people have a good time.  

and for good times... here you go

https://soundcloud.com/keepit100sf/keep-it-100-fan-page-mix-hp

vjhurricane
vjhurricane

Actually many of us claim over 6 figures annually.. And that's just what we report. Hahaa

TurboDre
TurboDre

@cypressbalto my favourite part was how she opened with "Sure, dating (or even just fucking) a DJ seems like it would be a perk-filled romp...", demonstrating that she has't the slightest bit of understanding of the difference between the two.

starlj
starlj

@mr_machine Umm, Kat appears to be a very talented humor writer.  I found this piece to be thoroughly enjoyable and intend to seek out more of her work.  All who took offense should lighten up; you're taking it way too personally.  Really, stand back a little and laugh, this is good stuff.

barry.hill78
barry.hill78

@monbon i take the blame for that. i posted the first mix (not knowing it would auto play) and everyone else followed suit. My bad. 

getmilk
getmilk

@vjhurricane if you're actually getting big, even still, a real job will make your wage look lackluster. Programmers, I made the programs you use to do your work, and I make more than twice what you do. ;)


(also, I DJ (and produce music) for fun on the weekends, and I don't have to worry about this stupid shit for a wage... LOL, keep thinking you've got it made bro)

vjhurricane
vjhurricane

Let's not get into a dik size contest.. My point was that Disc Jocky can be a lucrative career and is for many of us. I personally also own 2 DJ schools (PromixDjAcademy.com)And a successful booking agency. I'm not gonna go further into what we make but let me just say. It is a real "job". Nitwit

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