Six Reasons to Never Have Sex With a DJ
You Will Be Haunted by Him ... Forever
If he's relatively successful, your first thought might be, "Wow, this is so cool. I've never crushed on someone who I can watch on YouTube or look up on Wikipedia before. It's kind of like we're always together." But inevitably, he reveals himself to be a selfish, disrespectful sack of human garbage, and you decide that you're never touching his penis again. But that's not the end of it! Even with local DJs, you're going to find yourself wandering the streets and suddenly -- BAM! -- his stupid DJ name is on some fucking flyer stuck to your car window, his face is on someone's t-shirt, or some drunk asshole at a party will be like, "Didn't you fuck so-and-so?" Even as we write this, some douchebag man-child we used to fornicate with appears in some news ticker, mocking us. Some mistakes never die.
No Bath in the World Will Keep You From Feeling Like a Dirty Trick
Unless you're actually a groupie (how do you girls sleep at night?), you're going to feel really abused when this is all over. You were young, you thought he was being sincere, but you were just naïve. Save yourself the hassle and just start turning DJs down. Tell them it's because they're DJs. It's way more fun to see the look of wonder and disappointment on their faces when you brush them off than to face the dehumanizing feels you'll have when it's all said and done. Trust us. They can take it.
Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.