R. Kelly Stole Miami's "Black Panties," Wrote Song About "Sweatin' Like a Motherf@#%er"

R_Kelly_Concert_Review_Photos_Miami_2013.jpg
Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

R. Kelly
James L. Knight Center, Miami
Thursday, October 17, 2013

Hotter Than: "Sex in the Kitchen" ... Uh huh.

A night with Robert Sylvester Kelly is just as sexy as we'd always fantasized.

But it was also weird, hilarious, filthy, absurd, and heartfelt.

As Kells told Crossfade when he last cruised through the Magic City: "The show is full of old-school R. Kelly and new-school R. Kelly. So there'll definitely be 12 Play R. Kelly mixed with the TP-2 R. Kelly and right on through the Happy People R. Kelly. The whole nine!"

See also: R. Kelly's Six Most NSFW Moments

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

Everyone, obviously, was dressed to the nines too.

Because, as opening comic JJ Williamson observed: "We all out here to get fucked tonight! The floor gonna be so wet with pussy juice, niggas be slippin'."

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

By 8 p.m., the lobby was flooded with lovely ladies in leather pants and gold heels with lower back tats, champeroned by guys in golf shirts, sweater vests, and Kangol caps.

We all ate chicken wings. We drank $12 Hennessy. And we waited in line at formal photo stations tricked out with custom airbrushed backdrops of Moët, Patrón, Nuvo, Cristal, and Rémy bottles, and bubbles and stars and fluttering hearts and red carpets and stretch limos and even Kells himself.

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Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

Like a gentleman, R. arrived nice and early, smoking a cigar, right around 9 p.m., following a mock rocket launch countdown. (This was just the first of many great dick jokes.)

"The show will start in R-minus 14 minutes ... 9 minutes .. 4 minutes." And then the whole crowd hooted through the final seconds to blastoff. "Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!"

And there he stood in a fake VIP club, complete with four sofas, bottle-service tables, and a full bar, all soaked in low 'n' sexy pink and purple light.

Soon enough, there'd be ladies.

See also: R. Kelly on New Album, Black Panties: "I Wanted to Do an Album for the Strip Club"

Location Info

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James L. Knight Center

400 SE Second Ave., Miami, FL

Category: Music

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