Ten Worst Raver Cliches
Photo by Ian Witlen
We used to go to raves to break out of the ordinary, to lose ourselves in a dark room, rubbing against sweaty bodies. To meet strangers from strange lands, each character more colorful and absurd than the last.
We're not sure if it's just that we've been doing it for ten years or that y'all have actually gotten less creative, but raves are now the most predictable environments on Planet Earth. Rave culture has gone from costumes to uniforms, and everyone comes equipped with the same goodie bag.
In short, the modern American rave is the McDonald's of counterculture; no matter where you are, it's the same fucking shit. How many of these clichés will you see at your next rave?
See also: Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty DJ
Earlier this week, our roommate got sick, and we gave her some Vick's to help open her congested nasal passages. She'd basically forgotten there was an actual use for the shit, because it seems the whole Vick's brand has been taken over by rolly-pollies. When we were covering Basslights this weekend, some baby-faced frat boy was all "Do you want some Vick's?" He was noticeably freaked out when we said, "No, thanks." Then he successfully shared some with the bro behind us, saying, direct quote, "This stuff is so good, I just feel like I have to share it with everyone." Adorable.
Photo by George Martinez
The Adult Baby
Look, you're at least 17, right? You've got a pacifier in your mouth, a backpack intended for use by five to seven year olds, and a cartoon on your two-sizes-too-small t-shirt. Maybe if you're underage this can be acceptable. But if you're over 18, you need to re-evaluate your look. Either stop or put on one of those human leashes and give control to your friend. You know what? We like that idea. Do that.