Eight Things Miami Hates About Art Basel

Photo by Laurie Charles
Parties, colorful characters, and art everywhere: what's not to love about Basel? A lot of things, actually.

It was Art Basel Miami Beach weekend and Uncle Luke was set to host last week's edition of Peachfuzz at The Garret, one of many Basel-themed bashes that went down this weekend.

And even though it was the reason for bringing Luke to one of Miami's best hipster clubs (and many other world-class artists, celebrities, and parties to the 305 this past week), there are just some things about the art fest that drive us locals off the wall.

As the crowd drank up Stella Artois, puffed thick clouds of smoke into the air, and dropped their asses to the floor to DJ Fashen and DZA's mash-up of old-school hip-hop tunes, the party people at The Garret revealed what makes them cringe during ABMB.

Here are eight things the Magic City hates about Basel.

See also: The Ten People You Meet at Art Basel Miami Beach

Photo by Laurie Charles
Judging by their colorful ensembles, these guys don't just know art, they are art.

"Hype Beasts" and Crackheads

"Those people who pretend to like art, but really don't," is what Solomon Naar hates about Basel.

"The crackheads," interrupted Naar's friend.

"Where do you find them?"

"On the beach," he laughed.

"No but for real," Naar continued, "You know, those hype beasts that jump on the art bandwagon?"

Oh, you mean these guys?

Yeah, bro, I'm so fucking artsy. Wait, who the hell is Agustina Woodgate and WTF are those mutated stuffed animals doing on that rug? Is this some sorta voodoo shit or something?

Yeah, we know them all too well.

Location Info


The Garret at Grand Central

697 N. Miami Ave., Miami, FL

Category: Music

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frankd4 topcommenter

......................PARKING tru dat any populated event including the new stadium should by law include sufficient parking - oh wait the law is in on this scam ?

when the financial bean-counters add up that a SUPER BOWL here generates $450 million what it doesn't say is $300 million of that is predatory towing charges and parking violations fees (i know i know don't park where you don't belong and this won't happen - right ?) - well make available ten spaces for two thousand visitors and see what happens (it's planned out and part of the scam)

oh yeah and make public transportation SO bad that people have to drive everywhere

meanwhile both US OPENS (international events - tennis and golf) months after the real 9/11 in NY in 2001 hosted tens of thousands of people of DAILY which 99 % used PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION = period (my point is under very tight security and hordes of people this CAN BE accomplished however MIAMI specifically and DADE in general have a FINANCIAL incentive to scam the PATRONs driving and NO INCENTIVE to even offer any public transportation - bush league screw the visitor mentality)

THIS is the basis of why NY gets 50,ooo,ooo visitors a year WITHOUT anything going on and why NY / NJ has the SUPER BOWL

Dorien Z. Rowe
Dorien Z. Rowe

Ain't nothing wrong with Air Force 1s! The girl who said that was probably born post Hurricane Andrew #CantKnockAClassic

miamitrev2 topcommenter

9.   List articles

Thaadeus Brooks
Thaadeus Brooks

all the people in the photos look dirty..like they are covered in a light film of sweat and dust...but they all think they are the shit for the 305,,,pfft

miamitrev2 topcommenter

Cool story bro.   When are you moving back to Nueva Yorka?

frankd4 topcommenter


actually i'm on HOLD heading further SOUTH (as in HAVANA)

i hear there is PLENTY of PARKING there

i'm just acclimating myself here so like everyone else i'm only temporary

as for NY i visit often and have a place there (hartsdale NY)

but THIS homie don't do sno no mo

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