Blowjobs and Mistletoe: Five Naughty Santa Stories From Miami

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Photos by Laurie Charles
From the looks of it, DJ Ynot and his friend are on Santa's naughty list this year.

Green holiday lights and white snowflakes dangled from the branches of Wood Tavern's patio tree. It was time to Backyard Boogie 'round the Christmas tree.

The weather was a perfect 70 degrees, the sangria was flowing, and the festive lights were gleaming. It was definitely beginning to look and feel a lot like XXXMas, and the little elves at Wood were feeling hella naughty.

Sharing tales of threesomes, blowjobs, and mistletoe, here are five wild Santa stories, as told by the party freaks at Wood.

See also: Ten Dirtiest Latin Sex Songs, According to Miami Club Freaks

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There's no need to be ashamed, Carlo. We all do naughty things sometimes.

A Holiday Surprise

Carlo was sipping from a red Solo cup by the bar with his friend.

"My naughtiest Christmas story? I have to think about that one," he pondered.

"Oh, I have one for you," he said. "This was before I came out of the closet and had a girlfriend. She was spending Christmas with my family.

"One night, we went to the Vagabond. I met a guy, Gabriel, and we exchanged numbers," Carlo recalled. "He asked me what I was doing later, and I told him I was celebrating Christmas with my family.

"On Christmas Eve, he called me saying he was outside my house. I recorded his name as 'Ana' [on my phone], so I told my girlfriend that I was going to get a coworker. I went outside, and we gave each other a blowjob.

"It was a Merry Christmas, bitch!" he laughed. "The next day, I told her I was gay and broke up with her."

Guess Carlo definitely made it on the naughty list that year.

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Wood Tavern

2531 NW 2nd Ave., Miami, FL

Category: Music

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5 comments
Kyle Awon
Kyle Awon

great article ........ said noone ever

Shawn O'Brion
Shawn O'Brion

Classy New Times. But then again typical of Miami.

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