Pitbull and Ke$ha's "Timber": Why This Video Sucks

Categories: Serrano Time

Pitbull_Kesha_Timber_Video_Sucks.jpg

[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.]

Right now, Pitbull's "Timber," featuring Ke$ha, is number two on Billboard and number one on my GTFOH chart. I don't remember the first time I heard this song -- it seems like I've heard it every day since I was 12 years old -- but I do remember when I decided I hated it (the first time I heard it).

Perhaps I was being too dismissive, given that the video has more than 50,000,000 views, though I have to assume many watched sarcastically and with hatred in the watcher's heart. Nonetheless, I decided to watch it, hoping that it would change how I felt about the song, or at least make it less likely that when it came on the radio I'd drive my car off a cliff.

Alas, that did not happen.

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0:01: The video editor going straight from a shot of Ke$ha to a shot of a donkey seems like a not that subtle #ShotsFired. Applause. That took some grapes. We are off to a tremendous start.

0:02: I guess she's in her Carrie Bradshaw phase? Also, I do not think Ke$ha looks all that much like a donkey, though I will not argue too heartily against someone who does.

0:10: The first words of the song: "It's going down. I'm yelling 'Timber!'" I would like to take this moment to point out that NINE SEPARATE PEOPLE received songwriting credit here. NINE. That's basically the fucking Wu-Tang Clan, man.

0:18: BTW: You should know that this video is not new. It was posted to YouTube on November 25. I did not watch it then because Thanksgiving was soon after and that is not what the pilgrims who founded America and invented football and Twitter would have wanted. 

0:37: Here comes Pitbull. If you're wondering how far into his verse he'll get before he raps some sort of cliché...

0:38: Bam! Exactly one second. That's how long. "What goes up, must come down." Oh, Pitbull. You are in my heart forever.

0:50: "I'm slicker than an oil spill." One more time: NINE PEOPLE SHARE SONGWRITING CREDIT. You know what my favorite thing is about oil spills. All of the dead marine life and crippled ecosystems. So much fun.

1:40: Did you know that this is the most successful song Pitbull's had since he did "Give Me Everything"* in 2011? That song was this same sort of brainless house-hop that people like to listen to when they don't really want to listen to music.

1:49: I was actually just about to say that what this video needs is a woman dressed like Daisy Duke holding an alligator (above), so this is good timing.

1:50: Oh, also, did you know that Rihanna was supposed to be on this track but was too busy so he swapped her out for Ke$ha? (He says so around the 5:30 mark of this interview here.) Man, I hate Rihanna too, so that would have been like: "Hey, do you want me to punch you in your penis with my right hand, with which I am deadly, or do you want me to punch you in your penis with my left hand, with which I am equally proficient?"


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71 comments
Caitlin Marino
Caitlin Marino

I'm sorry, does having the number one song in America not merit something "good" yielded from the collaboration?

Naomi Preston
Naomi Preston

The song isn't as bad as the video. What a schizo shit show of production

Brownie Izaguirre
Brownie Izaguirre

I think it's hilarious that out of ALL news out there worth talking about this is an article. LOL Ya'll need better stinkin' material.

Smart Alex
Smart Alex

Cary Gonzalez so your interpretation of a well produced album or song is not based on originality of beats or lyrics or even the message for that matter, you're sold on how many people have purchased the product. So I guess we should all just ignore our daily responsibilities & invest all our efforts into crack cocaine because they're millions of people who have tried it, loved it & not to mention how much money the dealers have made, it must be the best ...Omg! Maybe just maybe Miami has grown smarter & is tired of being portrayed in the same light, song after song day after day.

Hali Neal
Hali Neal

People have lost their sense of humor... this article's hilarious.

Jacob Almeida
Jacob Almeida

Lets talk about how shitty Miami New Times has become. Now that's a story ;)

John Viera
John Viera

You people think you're so smart. This song is 10% Pitbull 20% Ke$ha and 70% Dr. Luke. Open your mind. " The song was produced by Dr. Luke, Cirkut, and Sermstyle, with additional production by Nick Seeley.[3][4] The song interpolates "San Francisco Bay" (1979) by Danish harmonica player Lee Oskar, which was written by Lee Oskar, Keri Oskar, and Greg Errico."

Milton F. Roiz
Milton F. Roiz

Shit's wack. We all know it is. Pitbull makes music for cougars getting down at Blue Martini. His lyrics are shallow deep. Of course, he makes tons of money but so do corrupt politicians and dictators. I instantly feel regret even writing about the dude.

Alain D. Mozas
Alain D. Mozas

[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times for peanuts while award-winning recording artist Pitbull swims in his riches. The Miami New Times believes that Serrano's effortless click-bait articles will at least garner a paltry amount of ad revenue for our operation.] It's great that you have found a niche with all the lazy "this and that sucks" content but good luck establishing a long-term audience or any sort of readership other than teenage girls and angry Miami bros. Award-winning journalism right here folks.

Andrew Kadushin
Andrew Kadushin

Shea, did you really just offer readers a second by second breakdown of a Pitbull and Kesha video, and you're expecting us to take your writing and/or opinion seriously?

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

Let's ask Pitbull and his massive bank account how he feels about your writing, shall we?

Smart Alex
Smart Alex

The lyrics & melody are just so original & profound they're just plain geniuses, but not at making music but in the art of convincing people that this type of music really matters.

John Viera
John Viera

the song is good. And Dr. Luke really doesn't care about your opinion. He's working on his 98th Platinum hit.

Lety Valdes
Lety Valdes

I like the video lots of fun and dancing !!!

Victor Runciman
Victor Runciman

Pitbull's best songs are the ones where he is alone except with Lil John, every other collaboration sucks for the most part.

Vincent Rella
Vincent Rella

The editing is great. I didn't write the song lol

John Anthony
John Anthony

Vincent Rella. Since you coordinated the editing for this video, what do you think?

James Kendall
James Kendall

LOL, take a look at the people defending pitbull, talk about typical Miami douche bags. One chick can't spell, and the other is a giant gangsta wannabe douche with no shirt on and lame fake designer sunglasses hahahaha

Mike Colon
Mike Colon

And this whole thing about "they're from miami" crap, why stop there? Lets start liking people cuz they're from Florida! Fuck that, lets like them cuz they're from the east coast!!! Or how about this hemisphere?! Smh

Mike Colon
Mike Colon

There are plenty of song I'm sure that are on top of the charts that many of us don't like. I can care less about album sales or anything like that. If that's the case I guess Justin Bieber kicks ass then? Or One Direction?? See? I'm pretty sure nobody here likes that shit but I guess they are the shit cuz they're on top of the charts?

Michael Knapp
Michael Knapp

But the song is on top of the charts! #newtimessucks #wannabe

Jacqueline Portal
Jacqueline Portal

Hatters! Pitbull rocks ! There is room for everybody and every taste in music.

Jacob Almeida
Jacob Almeida

Miami New Times should be proud of anyone who represents our city. You should be ashamed of this article!

Josh Berman
Josh Berman

You know what is an infinitely more depressing sign of the abject failure that is humanity? That someone gets PAID to write an essentially meritless "critique" of a MUSIC VIDEO of a meaningless song. Music has been analysed to the point that it is now essentially math. Being paid as a music critic is about as valid as being paid to be a critic of gravity. Please go out and get a job building roads or something. Jesus fucking christ. (Clarification. The critique is meritless because it doesn't even really criticize anything. It's reminiscent of a 14 year old talking about how they don't like the way someone is dressed.)

Jeff Mata
Jeff Mata

I agree Pitbull's music is horrible but at the same time he is smart. He creates music that young and young minded people want to hear, which is crap, but so is most of the music out there today. I'll stick with my 70s-90s music.

Kenneth Carrera
Kenneth Carrera

I like the article, the writing gave me lolzz but pitbull and kesha is like shit and on your face. not good at all.

Miami New Times
Miami New Times

Austin Heffernan and Joe Nichols: "Taking a dump on a local guy to further ourselves" is our paper's motto.

Danny Arango
Danny Arango

Being a local doesn't make lack of talent excusable. That being said great article lol

Joe Nichols
Joe Nichols

Austin Heffernan is always trying to cater to the "cool people" opinion. It's a shame that he'll even take a dump on a local newspaper to further himself.

Austin Heffernan
Austin Heffernan

MNT is always trying to cater to the "cool people" opinion. It's a shame that they'll even take a dump on a local guy to further themselves.

Gina Martinez
Gina Martinez

I love this song. Is great for dancing and having fun. You may be working at a 9 to 5 job and gotta hate on a man that may not be that talented to you but look where he's at, he started from the bottom and now he got everything you wanted in life.

Jose Salazar
Jose Salazar

@Larry I wouldnt even insult balseros in that way this guy is an imposter that cant speak spanish its all a lie this guys was a wanna be New Yorker in high school that didnt even speak a word of spanish see this is exactly what I mean bad rep for Cubans period.

Victor Lozano
Victor Lozano

I can't watch anything with this talentless idiot in It , but I'm pretty sure the word "dalé" is said. Lol

Tu Madre
Tu Madre

Why??? Two words: Pitbull and Keisha.

dantevida
dantevida topcommenter

OK this song is so much pop "fluff".  I happen to like p/bl, I started seeing him at Calle Ocho before he was a big star, and watched him rise.  I like most of his hits. He may not have the most talent, but he is a good entertainer, has a look and style, and to me makes Miami proud. Good to see a homeboy have success is what I'm sayn. 

Michelle Oney
Michelle Oney

They collaborated? Jesus. I just threw up in my mouth.

Josi Denise
Josi Denise

Also two things: the country leaking into all dance pop-shit songs sounds like nails on a chalkboard, and this video makes me feel like I have epilepsy.

Josi Denise
Josi Denise

Pitbull is like the guy you date when you first move to Miami, then a few years later think to yourself WTF he is so gross.

Sergio F. Maldonado
Sergio F. Maldonado

I take it for what it is...a Pitbull song. If I wanted to listen to something profound or enriching I would listen to something else, but if I wanna listen to something to make me laugh, have fun and put me in a good mood...any Pitbull song makes the cut.

pipoenespanol
pipoenespanol

well it still sucks the big morronga, thank you for the production credits Johnny

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