Five Best Valentine's Day Parties in Miami

Photo by Yesenia Hernandez

Love is a mysterious thing.

So this V-Day, if you finally meet some sexy stranger who makes your palms sweat, knees shake, and the tip of your tongue tingle, please don't waste time asking a million questions, like, "Is this forever?," "What if we don't like the same music?," or "Why is there a jar of Vaseline in the trunk?"

Simply surrender to the moment, slam a shot, and sprint over to Miami's oldest former speakeasy, strip club, and whorehouse, where a short, chubby Elvis impersonator (and Internet-certified wedding officiate) in platform shoes and a sequined jumpsuit will marry a roomful of love-drunk folks like you.

Here are the five best Valentine's Day 2014 parties in Miami.

See also: Pepe Billete on the Perfect Valentine's Date: "Croquetas, Pastelitos, Malta, y Un Lechaso"


Slow Roast Thursday: V-Day Edition. With Craze, Louie Arson, and Mike Deuce. 11 p.m. Thursday, February 13, at The Garret at Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; Admission is free. Ages 21 and up. Even porky hipsters can fall in love. Just ask Ludwig Von Pig, the mascot of Miami bass music label Slow Roast Records. Dude used to jump from sty to sty, slapping the ham and then splitting. But now he's wasted off real emotion and ready for a commitment. So make like Herr Von Pig this Valentine's Eve, waddle up to The Garret, and finally say, "Oink, oink, oink, be mine," to that someone special.

See also: F#$% Valentine's Day! Top Ten Anti-Love Songs

Location Info



Freedom Tower

600 Biscayne Blvd., Miami, FL

Category: General

Tobacco Road

626 S. Miami Ave., Miami, FL

Category: Music

The Garret at Grand Central

697 N. Miami Ave., Miami, FL

Category: Music

The Vagabond

30 NE 14th St., Miami, FL

Category: Music

FDR Lounge at the Delano

1685 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, FL

Category: Music

Delano Hotel

1685 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, FL

Category: General

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Pedro Schwartz
Pedro Schwartz

God damn it Miami New Times, it's as if all your articles are written by people who just recently moved to Miami or only visit this shit hole a few times a year.

Javier Guifarro
Javier Guifarro

Lmao..... Me quitastes las palabras de la boca... Ja ja ja ...

Pedro Schwartz
Pedro Schwartz

Find Herpes and other assorted varieties of STDs in a Miami club.

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