The Six People You Meet on South Beach

Categories: Lists

South-Beach_People_You_Meet_Miami_2014.jpg
Photo by George Martinez

It's a blessing and a curse. It's a tourist trap and an aging icon. It's a wonder of the world and a wonder that it isn't under water. Love it or hate it, South Beach is the jewel of Miami, and it's not going anywhere just yet.

The bridge acts as a strange filter. You can find all kinds out there, and even the regular clubbers among us get a little weirder when we touch down on the other side. Some characters are a guarantee, and we'd like to celebrate SoBe in all its absurd glory.

Here are the six people you meet on South Beach.

See also: Six Reasons to Never Have Sex With a DJ

South-Beach_People_You_Meet_European_Tourist.jpg
Photo by Lex Hernandez

The European Tourist
This guy waited in line for 20 minutes to get inside Mansion nightclub, but he has no idea who is spinning tonight. He just knows that it's Mansion, and he's on South Beach, and he's leaning over your shoulder breathing vodka words into your ear. He has a cute accent, but he dresses like a dickhead. This isn't going to work for him.

South-Beach_People_You_Meet_Perfect_Body.jpg
Photo by Lex Hernandez

That Bitch With the Perfect Body
You know she wasn't born with it, but that hardly matters when she's in her thong bikini. She hasn't paid cover or dinner bills in so long, she doesn't remember her signature. She knows all the top promoters in town, and she can get you and all your female friends into the VIP or onto that yacht party. The guys will have to figure it out for themselves.

See also: South Beach's Ten Best Dance Clubs


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26 comments
Suzie Abalina
Suzie Abalina

Anna Bélla Moïse those bitches are full of issues yo

Manuel Romero
Manuel Romero

I'm surprised Jersey people like Michael Vivelo didn't make the list

Peter Gonzalez
Peter Gonzalez

Hipsters never go to south beach. That is what makes them hipsters. So if u see 'hipster' on SoBe, u just saw a person trying to hard

Mario Diaz
Mario Diaz

Nailed it! Missed a few, but pretty much on point.

Jirre Seropian
Jirre Seropian

Lol @ the bitches bag is more cloth than her entire outfit Michael Macia.

Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

How 'bout the poser, whether Cuban or Venezuelan whose real name is 'Pepito' but in the club, morphs into 'Francesco Dolce', foreign exchange student with an overly shitty accent.

Nick Confer
Nick Confer

Oh yeah I remember buying a bottle of ace of spades!!!!!!

walkersophiayga
walkersophiayga

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Eri Sa
Eri Sa

Hahaahahahahahahah

karlabmarie
karlabmarie

Thanks Newtimes for the cover always love baby! LIVE LOVE LAUGH AND DANCE great pic My IG karlabmarieviphost follow me. 

Familia Ramirez
Familia Ramirez

The Tourist who thinks they're running shit! The douche bag wealthy South American! The Russian mob club owner! The ratchet hoodrat stripper on molly! And let's not forget the scumbag tow truck driver!!!! Who illegally tows and holds your car hoatage. P.S. Let's not forget the trigger happy,get drunk and drive ATV vehicles!!!

Angel
Angel

Cary Gonzalez You forgot! -The Trustfund Baby -The Obvious Flashy Drugdealer -The Bottlerats/Groupies -The Overly Attractive Female who is too aggressive and ends up being escort

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

You missed a few: The has-been who thinks he/she still matters. The never-was who thinks they have ever mattered. The wanna-be who will kiss anyone's ass if they think it's going to make them famous or at the very least, yield a good selfie.

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