Five Worst Things About Clubbing in Miami

Categories: Lists, Nightlife

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Welcome to Miami, where anything and everything becomes an excuse to party.



We 305ers are creatures of the night by nature. There's no denying it. Any day of the week, no matter what time, something is popping off in this beautiful city of ours. That's why people from all over the world come dance at our nightclubs and get drunk on our beaches.

So why is it that native Miamians often end up wishing they'd just stayed home watching Netflix and eating pizza? 

Here are the five worst things about going out in Miami.

See also: Eight Signs You're Not VIP

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Getting Around

It's no secret that Miami's public transportation (and cab situation) sucks. Big time. That's why we always need a designated driver. And driving your drunken friends from spot to spot isn't anyone's idea of a fun night. Not to mention that, even without traffic, it takes at least 20 minutes to get anywhere in Miami. Oh, you're bar hopping in Coconut Grove and your friends just hit you up about some party in South Beach? Ready for a road trip?

See also: The Six People You Meet on South Beach



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62 comments
tik27
tik27

1.  Club Entrance Prices - I remember when clubs used to charge 5 at the door, back then half the party was on washington while jumping from club to club.

2.  Selection Lines - it sucks when it seems you at a line up waiting to be choosen, some clubs if you are not bringing some girls with you, your not getting in. 

Pocho Pov
Pocho Pov

Max? i thought this looked like you lol

Samantha Mitchell
Samantha Mitchell

Five worst things about clubbing in Miami? Clubbing in Miami x 5

Luke Hunter
Luke Hunter

Ive never seen a fight at an electronic music show of "underground" techno-tech house-deep house kind of event ---- fights seem to occur only at commercialized music parties

Ronny Brehm
Ronny Brehm

Insert LA and we have the same 5 probs

Ernie Torres
Ernie Torres

You can have a great clubbing experience in Miami if you just know where to go. Not everything is about South Beach. And even if you do decide to party in SoBe there are plenty of places to go that are not on Ocean, Collins, Or Washington. Leave those places for the tourists and the rich. Only real Miamians know these places.

Dave Denis
Dave Denis

# 1 ~ Running into this guy !!!!!! ;)

Carlos Cnotez Rodriguez
Carlos Cnotez Rodriguez

Leave dat sht for the retards that like to pop mollys and fondle each other wit they gay ass

ind3lible
ind3lible

Yet with all these things we can complain about, I think we still have a pretty decent music scene. 


Clubs just aren't some peoples thing... If "the music sucks" then it's safe to say that you don't like EDM, Hip-Hop, or Pop which are the main genres that the big clubs play. If it offends you when people do drugs then why are you in a nightclub to begin with? Don't you watch movies? They didnt prepare you for that? Drink prices are expensive... what did you expect though? They're charging you $50-$200 to see these DJ's if you're not on a guest list... did you really think the drinks were going to be cheap? Being at a nightclub is like a freak show. You know it's going to be weird. You know you have to be on your guard to a certain extent. You know you're going to see some crazy shit. If you can manage to fight through your own Miami mentality that automatically makes you miserable and judgmental and find a way to enjoy yourself through the insanity then you will have a blast. 


Being from Miami is about being able to make the system work for you. We know drinks are expensive so you pre-game. I know I'm not the only one that's parked in a garage, taken shots with friends and made drinks for the walk to the club. Walking up to the bouncer with a water tucked in my underwear cause I don't want to pay $10+tip for a Figi water. The bathroom guy will let you refill it if you tip him well. We know about parking, that's why we're car pooling. Plus, everyone from Miami has that one promoter friend they knew back in high school that blows you up with event invites on FB. You hit him up earlier in the day to take care of the entry. Always keeping the chick-to-dick ratio higher so they don't give you a hard time at the door. 

Ivan Rodriguez Fierro
Ivan Rodriguez Fierro

Did it like once or twice and never again... Fort Lauderdale and Key West are better. Less rap and hip hop vibe which I hate.

Kyle Awon
Kyle Awon

things non-vip's worry about

Estela Slomp Romand
Estela Slomp Romand

I'm amazed Miami New Times didn't mention cigarettes? That alone keeps me from going out to get home smelling like an ash tray...

Steve Cody
Steve Cody

They're not clubs. They're expensive bars.

Jorge Rojas
Jorge Rojas

So over rated been clubbing since I was 16 SOS

Luis Gonzalez Jr
Luis Gonzalez Jr

The one worst thing about clubbing would be to go to new times for advice where to go. They defame clubs and the week before they have like 3 categories for best of nightclubs.

David Oves
David Oves

1.) Parking is $15-20. Homeless people outside asking for tip to "watch your car"...if you valet, you're paying $20+ to get your car dented, wait in line to get your car back for over 30 minutes, and don't forget "tip" or else they slam your car door as you get in... 2.) DRINKS...for the LOVE of GOD can we have knowledgeable bartenders that know how to make a drink properly before throwing in ANOTHER flavor you did not ask for? And while you create my cocktail can you PLEASE not add more ice on my $15 drink? Why would you pay that amount for ice with a splash of vodka? For that I'll buy my own bottle and drink at home lol 3.) GUEST LIST (people)...you know...you DO realize that you're in the same room as ther other person? the only thing keeping you safe and important is that magic VIP rope...are you on the list? Did you check? Are you sure? let me check again..you're going to call him to come to the door? No, I don't use instragram, I don't know who you are... 4.) MUSIC (DJ)...oh, you're a dj? You're famous? I have another event invite from people I don't know to come and listen to you press play and adjust the volume as you play another dj's song...who are you again? Why is no one dancing? I just paid $15 parking, got a horrible watered down drink for $15 plus a $5 tip just because south beach, waited in line listening to the race for VIP, AND I have to listen to THIS music as no one is dancing??? No, no, no...there are no more good places to go out in Miami...that's MY list

David Oves
David Oves

1.) Parking is $15-20. Homeless people outside asking for tip to "watch your car"...if you valet, you're paying $20+ to get your car dented, wait in line to get your car back for over 30 minutes, and don't forget "tip" or else they slam your car door as you get in... 2.) DRINKS...for the LOVE of GOD can we have knowledgeable bartenders that know how to make a drink properly before throwing in ANOTHER flavor you did not ask for? And while you create my cocktail can you PLEASE not add more ice on my $15 drink? Why would you pay that amount for ice with a splash of vodka? For that I'll buy my own bottle and drink at home lol

Franklyn Astacio
Franklyn Astacio

The stupid druggies, the dumb ass posers, people who don'tknow how to drink, stuck up foreigners (no every foreigner is stuck up) and drink prices that make you want to shoot the bartender. Lol just saying

robert.n.nielsen
robert.n.nielsen topcommenter

Fuck that club bullshit! Fuck your drugs! Go down to churchills, see some live music of all types. Make friends with decent people.

Homer Steel
Homer Steel

Been there done that, I'm DONE with it. ;)

Moises Figueroa
Moises Figueroa

OVERRATED..it's a hassle n way too much VIP oriented clubs..sometimes a person is just trying to walk in n chill not celebrate with bottles

Tu Madre
Tu Madre

I don't even need to read this to know...#1. The people.

Dave Denis
Dave Denis

Voluntarily jamming yourself into a building full of drunk morons, the worst music imaginable blaring at the highest volume possible, doing coke off a toilet seat............... Pinch me !

Liz Perez
Liz Perez

Montreal is awesome, and I've been clubbing there. So idk what you mean.

Charles Romano
Charles Romano

Wanna get away from the shite club mentality??? Find a drum and bass show... Everyone dances, nobody is pretentious and we welcome outsiders. :)

Reno Dee
Reno Dee

Miami is not half as bad as Montreal, Canada for clubbing. You wanna see frigid people with a very secluded mentality? Go to Montreal. You want to see bad public transport? Go to Montreal.

Wednesday Adams
Wednesday Adams

I ve been there many times... Never have trouble getting a cab,have not seen a bar fight and have met many friendly people there.. Guessing if you act like a prick, usually you will be treated as such ?

Snaiderman Snaiderman
Snaiderman Snaiderman

I don't know which Miami this guy is writing about .... Bc the Miami I live I loveeee it ....

Barby Alvarez
Barby Alvarez

Stop going to the trendy places! Tons of super cools small bars with life music, dancing, great prices gor drinks, lots of parking spaces and great crowd! Choose wisely and enjoy the night!

Taryn Lauren
Taryn Lauren

I just hate that they fill the dance floors with tables, it's so lame. Some people actually wanna dance, not stand around and be seen. I would be ok with no tables in clubs ever again.

EzƦă VɅǹ
EzƦă VɅǹ

This is the 18th city I've lived in and I've got to say there are way less fights, more parking, and better cabs than the other 17. Other cities it's hours for cabs, $30 to park anywhere then walk 10 blocks to the club and three or four fights breaking out at a club a night that the bouncers tend to and another 5 or 10 that they just ignore. And if you want to cab it form Santa Monica to Hollywood be prepared to shell out $50 after waiting an hour for a cab and then getting your ass kicked by some Koreans because you look at their girlfriends. Or in the smaller towns waiting for a good DJ for 4 months and then every Sally, Dick, and Jane for 100 miles shows up for that show mixed in with a bunch of drunk guys from Houston looking to prove that Dallas folks are pussies. And you can wait in line for hours even if you have presale vip tickets because they only have two metal detectors at the door. Clubbing in Europe is pretty civilized (aside from the pissed Britts), but in the US, Miami is not bad, I'll take Miami any day.

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