Paris Hilton's EDM Vomit "Come Alive": Why This Song Sucks Worse Than Anything Ever

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Courtesy of UMG/Cash Money

We want to start by reminding you that Paris Hilton is 33.

If, at that age, we are prancing around a sound green-screen stage dressed like a my-size Barbie princess doll, please, don't hesitate to shoot us. No adult woman should be stuck in such a stunted hell.

That she looks magically shiny at 33 is also a lie. And so is this new music video for "Come Alive," her latest foray into the commercial free-for-all that is EDM. Her image is as organic as the synthetic beat, and we'd bet money that Paris' voice was run through the ringer too.

See also: DJ Paris Hilton Signs to Cash Money: Five Reasons Her "House Album" Will Suck Balls

The video for "Come Alive" plays out like a four-minute trailer for EDC without the promise of something good. There are flower wreaths, slow-motion twirls, enhanced sunsets, bejeweled eyes, starfish bras, a bunch of flower beds and swings and other goofy-ass fantasy shit. There's a fucking unicorn chillin' under a rainbow. Lisa Frank should probably sue.

However, it's entirely believable that Paris wrote these lyrics. We haven't heard drivel this mindlessly inane since ... Actually, no. This is the bottom of the barrel. Further inspection shows Hilton was aided in the songwriting process by five other people. Where were they?

There are easily less than 50 actual words used for this song, not counting prepositions. It's mostly crap like "love," "dance," "amazing," "forever." She basically Rap Genius-ed the Beatport Top 10 and cherry-picked the most tired phrases in house history. She says "dream" four times, "life" five times, and "alive" a whopping 13 times. Someone needs to hand Paris a book without pictures. She may be borderline illiterate.

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The song is basically about nothing.

We've never heard someone talk so much about romance with such banal indifference. It's as if Paris could fall in love with a human-shaped cardboard box. Her "dream boy" doesn't need physical, intellectual, or personable qualities beyond how he makes her "feel," which is "alive," by the way.

Oh, and that Cash Money Records was bold enough to tag their copyright at the end of this EDM vomit is laughable. A new Bow Wow video would be less damaging to the brand image. Although, upon further inspection, "Come Alive" is not that far off from Nicki Minaj's worst day.

It's a disgrace to what remains of dance culture that she inked a residency deal in Ibiza. But we're sure Zedd/Calvin Harris/David Guetta/DJ Soulless Pop Bastard is already working on the remix.

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Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.


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29 comments
Freddy Albertí
Freddy Albertí

Do you guys know any other music genre label than EDM? This is EDM, Skrillex is EDM, Disclosure is EDM... Or you guys are using it as the literal meaning of it : ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC? In that case, yes, all this acts are EDM, as Metallica, Pixies or Slowdive are RM.

robert.n.nielsen
robert.n.nielsen topcommenter

When I listen to this half wit horse shit it puts a smile on my face. While everyone was so busy with EDM, hopping on it's bandwagon, and making thier way over to Ultra to OD I laughed. Proud to say I've spent the first 30 years of my life listening to all that "Metal and Punk Garbage". You'll never see me too far from Churchills or a Slayer record. Thanks Paris, for giving my choice in music and ideals a lil justification this morning.

davidtriana911
davidtriana911

"The song is basically about nothing." Just like her "Life".

Jorge Citino
Jorge Citino

listen to the song for 5 seconds until i got the worst case of acid reflux ever.

Teresita Suarez
Teresita Suarez

Who told her she is a singer ? So much money without a brain.....worthless!

xovictoria08ox
xovictoria08ox

i dont know what everyone's crying about. this sounds like every other mainstream song out on the radio today. 

Louis Rosen
Louis Rosen

The really sad thing is that with her vast, infinite fortune, she could do ANYTHING: entrepreneurship, philanthropy, world traveling, collect advanced degrees like James Franco, ANYTHING. And the fact that she churns out vapid, disposable, meaningless pop songs (anyone remember "Stars Are Blind" from almost a decade back?) shows she can't even buy an imagination.

Josh Rosen
Josh Rosen

The saddest part of this story is, Paris Hilton probably made more money from singing this one song than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes.

Miguel Eduardo Sartori
Miguel Eduardo Sartori

HER ONLY BIG MISTAKE INTHIS VIDEO IS THAT SHE DDNT INCLUDED ON IT KIM KARDASHIAN!, TO AD SOME ... I DONT KNOW... CLASS AND DEPHT...

Tony Prieto
Tony Prieto

I'm going to pretend you didn't bring me into this. I have zero comment on Paris Hilton. I had assumed she had died of some kind of rare venereal disease.

Terry St Angelo
Terry St Angelo

Does it rhyme with water boarding ?! That's wonderful

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