What We Learned About DJ Khaled from the "Hold U Down" Video

djkhaled_yousmart.jpg
Still from DJ Khaled's new video "Hold You Down"
DJ Khaled is going to give this girl a bunch of money, even though she looks totally creeped out by him.
It may be Monday, but it's never too early in the work week for a sex anthem.

DJ Khaled is holdin' u down till the weekend with the premiere of his latest video, "Hold U Down," featuring Chris Brown, Jeremih, Future, and August Alsina -- four of the silkiest voices in the modern R&B scene.

The visual is pretty standard in that it's an over-sexed advertisement for Khaled's copious commercial endorsements, but in case you didn't see his ground-breaking mini-movie for "No New Friends," Khaled is kind of a film entrepreneur. He lets us in to another level of his personal life with this six-minute doozy, and while watching, we learned some strange things that can never be unlearned.

He walks around wearing headphones all day
Everyone knows expensive cars have terrible speaker systems. DJ Khaled could probably afford to upgrade his ride, but why would be bother when he has an unlimited supply of We The Best Sound headphones? They're the best portable sound system money can buy. They have to be, or else they couldn't put "best" in the name, right?

He doesn't know what "smart" means
DJ Khaled keeps saying that he likes this girl because she's "smart." If that is in fact not a code word for "you have a giant ass," then he seems to imply that intelligence is directly linked to basically keeping out of the way of business affairs. That's not entirely great from a feminist perspective, but if it gets this girl giant wads of cash, then she maybe she should just keep playing dumb and ride this dude for everything he's got. Maybe that's kind of "genius?" Mm, not really.

He travels with duffle bags full of money
What else is he going to use it for? We all knew he wasn't about to hit the gym and play some basketball, amirite?

He needs his ladies to say his name ad nauseam, too.
DJ Khaled is like a Pokemon, because Pokemon just run around saying their names over and over again. "Foreign" things are trending super hard in hip-hop right now, and it seems Khaled doesn't need a woman who speaks any English, as long as she can say his name on command. We heard a rumor that if you say DJ Khaled's name three times in the mirror, he'll throw a wad of money at you, too.

He has a great sense of irony
He's all like "real life," while dancing inside a green-screen mansion foyer. Now, that's what we call well-timed humor.

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Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.

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