So ... Wanna get fellated with Blowfly and the Bruise Cruise?

​After being brutally rocked 'n' rolled for seven hard, sweaty, superintense hours at last year's Bruise Cruise kickoff party, everyone was totally exhausted. Eyes were bleary. Hair was messed. Mascara was smeared.

It was basically an all-night, non-stop garage-y gangbang. And as we said in our post-show recap: "Most Bruisers had become zombies. People [were] passed out on couches. They were sleeping on their feet."

So thankfully, the Bruise Cruise board of executives made the sage decision to split this year's hardcore kickoff action into two nights, getting down at The Stage with explicit septuagenarian spitter Blowfly on Wednesday before blowing another load on Thursday with Fucked Up.

Now normally, it'd cost $25 to get in on this bruisin' and cruisin' group scene. But you wanna get fellated and Fucked Up for free, right? Well, just see the cut for contest instructions.
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​On Monday morning, we here at Crossfade ate a half-stack of hotcakes, smoked a skinny post-meal blunt, and tried to imagine what it'd be like to celebrate a birthday if we were The Boss.

We fantasized about counting massive stacks of cash, snagging a nice long midday snooze in an emperor-size waterbed, and then making it rain money (literally) at one of Miami's many world-class, warehouse-sized booby bars.

Unfortunately, we don't have the budget for that kinda ballin'. But guess what? Our homies over at Prestige Sundays hooked up a bunch of free tickets for the Official Rick Ross Birthday Bash this Sunday.

Of course, we skimmed a few for ourselves. But we're giving the rest away. So if you wanna come say "Happy B-Day!" to The Boss at South Beach's Amnesia, just see the cut for contests instructions.
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​Exactly 14 days ago, Ultra Music Festival 2012 sold out. And the wailing of sad, ticketless beat freaks could be heard in dark, lonely nightclubs all around the globe.

But then the fest offered its oh-so-disappointed children some consolation, announcing a whole series of official Miami Music Week events, including "ROAD TO ULTRA pre-parties, ULTRA CARRY ON after parties, ULTRA BEACH pool parties" as well as an Ultra Live concert with Above & Beyond on March 22.

This promise of special festival parties stopped the kids from crying and it kept beat-freaking dreams alive. Now, though, there's a real reason to fucking dance ... Every week until the gates to Bayfront Park bust open, the Miami Music Week peeps will be giving away a free pair of Ultra 2012 tix.
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​When Mansion suddenly and mysteriously revealed that it was "CLOSED," were you among the SoBe clubbers wracked with shock ("What?!?!"), anger ("WTF? So pissed"), and sadness ("Mansion will be missed!") over the unexpected extinction of your favorite glossy party spot?

Then you must've been superstoked when the Opium Group megaclub finally came clean a couple of days later, admitted the whole thing was just a fancy facelift, and even announced a two-night reopening party with Deadmau5.

Well, here's another reason to dance: Crossfade, Mansion, and the Mau5 have hooked up a pair of free tickets for both Friday and Saturday's comeback bashes. Just see the cut for contest instructions.
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Glass Candy and Chromatics' Johnny Jewel.

​Chilly. Brainy. Still sexy.

Dressed like a superstylish Italo-disco dude who drives a Delorean, dances alone to Madonna, and dates his vintage synths, Johnny Jewel is the coolly smooth operator at the center of the Italians Do It Better family, not to mention indietronica crew Glass Candy and sophisticated pop quartet Chromatics.

This Saturday, he, Glass Candy, and Chromatics will be hosting a dark and dreamy dance party at downtown hangout Grand Central. And as usual, we here at Crossfade have free tickets. Just see the cut for contest instructions.
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Get intimate with Bromance Records' Brodinski and Gesaffelstein.

​What's a bromance?

Well, according to the t-shirts worn and tote bags toted by gentleman DJs Brodinski and Gesaffelstein, it's "a close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men, a form of homosocial intimacy."

And just two months ago, this pair of admitted bromantics felt their bond had become so strong that they decided to take things to the next level, openly expressing their brotherly love, establishing a "brand new label" named Bromance Records, and releasing a two-track single ("Control Movement" and "Let the Beat Control Your Body") predictably titled Bromance #1.
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Via facebook.com/nerouk

​Will the world end in 2012?

Probably not. Historically, apocalypse predictors are kooks. But there's always an infinitesimally tiny chance that they're actually right this time. So when the Doomsday Clock clicks to midnight on December 30, beginning a frenzied 24-hour countdown to the New Year (and possibly the end of Planet Earth), don't waste that (last?) day of your life on some shitty pre-NYE party with no music.

Go someplace where the wobble bass will be totally out of control. Like London dubstep duo Nero's show at the Fillmore Miami Beach.

We've got free tickets and we don't want those (final?) hours to suck. Just see the cut for contest instructions.
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Facebook, DJ Irie

​Perhaps it was the uncertainty looming around the 2011-2012 NBA season. Or maybe he just needed some extra cash for designer dress shirts. Whatever the case, the Miami Heat's resident disc jockey, DJ Irie, figured that becoming BankAtlantic's Brand Ambassador was a good career move.

Little did he know he'd literally be spinning records inside BankAtlantic branches and spending New Year's Eve with contest winners.

Yesterday afternoon, Crossfade got word of the "Ultimate New Year's Eve Party with DJ Irie" when "Florida's most convenient bank" sent out a press release and the saddest publicity photo we've ever seen.

Keep reading to find out how to win a pair of VIP tickets to the Orange Drive Miami Beach Music Festival. Oh, and DJ Irie's deeply depressing BankAtlantic pic.
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Penguin Prison says, "Don't Fuck With My Money!"

​When disco-pop dude Penguin Prison isn't dancing or doin' time, he's apparently waddling over to Occupy Wall Street to shoot music videos, shout down the bankers, and express solidarity with the Ninety-Nine Percent.

His new vid is called "Don't Fuck With My Money." And just like Mr. Penguin, we live by that mantra. Which is why he and Crossfade are teaming up to give away a pair of totally free tix for this Saturday's Basel Castle party.

See the cut for contest instructions.
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​Why did all y'all basic bitches and chicken heads blow your entire Arby's paycheck on too much "Gucci Gucci, Louis Louis, Fendi Fendi, Prada"?

That's just bad budgeting. No worries, though, 'cause Crossfade's got free tix to Oakland emcee Kreayshawn's live performance at Mansion this Friday. And we're just giving that shit away like Adderall.

So if you wanna chill with the self-described "cinematographer/rap beast/pot smoker/Bitch snatcher" with "the swag ... pumping out [her] ovaries," just check the cut for contest instructions.
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