Stitches Joins eBay, Selling "STITCHES DONK" for $12,600

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Still from Stitches' "Brick in Yo' Face"
Stitches: Viral sensation, brick broker, used-car salesman.

What's Miami native, "Brick in Yo' Face" rapper, internet celebrity, and self-proclaimed cocaine king Stitches do when he's gotta fund a reup?

Apparently, he joins eBay, lists his "STITCHES DONK," and waits for the bidders to bring a briefcase full of donk dollars to his "threshold." (That's Stitches speak for door.)

He may "love sellin' blow!" And "make drug money, fool, don't need a rap check, never." But it seems he wouldn't mind about $12,600 in cold, hard, used-car cash.

See also: Rapper and Viral Sensation Stitches May Not Be Who He Says He Is

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Rick Ross Gets Miami Heat Face Tattoo

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Via instagram.com/RichForever

The Bawse got that Fuego fever.

After four straight trips to the NBA Finals and two championships, our Miami Heat (or el Miami Fuego, as the team is known during the National Basketball Association's annual Noches Latinas) has gotten off to a lackluster start for this 2014-15 season.

We lost LeBron to the Cleveland Steamers. And so far, we've posted a losing 15-20 record.

Still, Rick Ross is a lifer. And he just got a Miami Heat face tattoo to prove it.

See also: Ten Best Miami Rap Anthems Ever

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"How to Twerk" Makes Miami's Most Googled Searches of 2014

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Photos by Chris Carter/ra-haus.com
Is this "twerk"? Apparently, the 305 doesn't know.

C'mon, Miami...

Of all the places in America that should possess an encyclopedic understanding of what it means to "dance in a sexually provocative manner while in a squat, thrusting the hips and popping that booty," we'd expect the 305 to be numero uno con ese culo.

And yet it seems that we were just as befuddled by the twerk fad of 2014 as the rest of them skinny-bum chumps across this clueless, Caucasian-majority country.

The proof: We asked Google "how to twerk," like, a billion times.

See also: "Twerking," "Dubstep," and Other Dumb Music Words in the Dictionary

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Jeopardy! and Alex Trebek Dis Miami's Ice "Billion" Berg as "Not a Successful Rapper"

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Two actors and a successful rapper. Win $200 if you can tell which is which.

Ice "Billion" Berg is "so fucking fly" that he "can stand on the ceiling." And though standing on the ceiling is not one of the listed Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, given that Berg is going to buy your bitch and start claiming your daughter -- never mind that all his whips are from across the border -- it's tough to suggest that Berg is not successful.

And yet Monday night's Jeopardy! included the category "Not a Successful Rapper" in which three rapper names were supplied and contestants had to identify the one out-of-place or made-up name from the list. The $200 clue (one-fifth of a "stack," for our readers using the metric system) was "Ice Cube, Ice Berg, Ice T."

See also: Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty Rapper

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Kill "Pitbullshit," Fake DJs in New Video Game

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Still from Dr. Kucho's Ghosts 'n DJs video game trailer

Does Pitbull's "Timber" make you wanna murder? Are you effin' fed up with fake DJs like Paris Hilton getting paid $1 million per night?

Time to play Ghosts 'n DJs, a new, retro video game from a Spanish electronic music producer named Dr. Kuch.

The mission... Rid mankind of all the pop and EDM hacks who "came to take over the world and punish our ears to death."

See also: Pitbull Ranked Ninth Worst Rapper of All Time

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What We Learned About DJ Khaled from the "Hold U Down" Video

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Still from DJ Khaled's new video "Hold You Down"
DJ Khaled is going to give this girl a bunch of money, even though she looks totally creeped out by him.
It may be Monday, but it's never too early in the work week for a sex anthem.

DJ Khaled is holdin' u down till the weekend with the premiere of his latest video, "Hold U Down," featuring Chris Brown, Jeremih, Future, and August Alsina -- four of the silkiest voices in the modern R&B scene.

The visual is pretty standard in that it's an over-sexed advertisement for Khaled's copious commercial endorsements, but in case you didn't see his ground-breaking mini-movie for "No New Friends," Khaled is kind of a film entrepreneur. He lets us in to another level of his personal life with this six-minute doozy, and while watching, we learned some strange things that can never be unlearned.


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Watch James Brown Play a UFO Cult Leader in This Bizarre Episode of Miami Vice

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James Brown stars in your strangest acid trip on Miami Vice episode.
Hit me!

The new James Brown biopic Get On Up is gettin' on up them screens today, and any soul-addict should hit the theaters, at least sneak in, to see Chadwick Boseman sweat his ass off while doing right by the Hardest Working Man in Show Business.

All the great music and personal intrigue aside, there's even more reason why we as Miamians should support the film. Back in the day, James Brown had mad love for our city, and we have a special, if not somewhat embarrassing, connection with the multi-talented soul man.

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Buy Justin Bieber's Driver License, Debit Cards, and Gold Gatorskin Change Purse for $500

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Via icollector.com

Ooohhh, Beliebers!

We've spent oh-so-many long days, sweaty nights, and tween years just desperately dreaming about owning "the ultimate amazing one-of-a-kind unique Justin Bieber collectable!"

Not his bowling ball from the "Baby" video. Not his favorite pimped-out sizzurp cup. And no, not even a lightly used deodorant stick.

The Bieber memorabilia of our dreams: "Justin's actual personal Georgia Driver's License, along with two of his personal Debit Credit Cards, both imprinted with his name."

See also: Rick Ross Tattoos "Rich Forever" on His Face

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Rick Ross Tattoos "Rich Forever" on His Face

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Via instagram.com/RichForever

Every boss has a favorite saying.

But only the Bawse Rick Ross is so serious about the power of words that he gets a fave phrase tattooed on his face.

Indeed ... Over the holiday weekend, the man and mogul born William Leonard Roberts II commissioned California-based ink-and-needle artist Nikko Hurtado to write "'Rich Forever," as the rapper explains, "under my lip."

See also: Proof: Rick Ross Is Florida's Fave Musical Artist

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David Guetta Moves to Edgewater: "This Is a Little More Cool, a Little More Cultural"

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Photo by: Nabil Elderkin
Hey, what's David Guetta looking at? Why, it's the Wynwood Art District!

David Guetta is something of a perverse pioneer. He's a true trailblazer, even if we don't all necessarily want to follow his path.

Several years ago, the scraggly-bearded Frenchman brought dance music to the masses unlike anyone before him. And today, he still sits atop the pop charts, alongside Miami natives and residents like Pitbull, Flo Rida, and Lil Wayne. So why not join the rest of these hitmakers by moving to the MIA?

However, unlike most other stars, David Guetta hasn't chosen a long-established celebrity enclave. The "Fuck Me, I'm Famous" DJ is once again poised to lead the way -- but not in a musical sense. He is joining the real estate takeover of non-SoBe Miami, essentially becoming the latest face of mainland Miami gentrification.

Get ready, hipsters ... Guetta is officially moving to Edgewater.

See also: 13 Richest DJs of 2013

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