Photo by Chad Sengstock via facebook.com/SuicidalTendencies

Between 1984 and 1989, Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas, as "Sonny" and "Rico," respectively, were the coolest motherfuckers on television, eliminating highly dramatized drug crime 'round South Beach in pimp Armani blazers over pastel t-shirts on NBC's Miami Vice every Friday night. And just like show itself, music featured in the TV action-drama was often sexy as hell.

So naturally, when Mike Muir received a phone call asking if Suicidal Tendencies wanted to appear in an episode, the hardcore punk group's frontman dismissed it as a friendly hoax.

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-Die Trying on Flatlands and a Prostitute: "Who's She Feeding With That Money?"

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Listen ...

When Rick Ross raps, "Put molly all in her champagne, she ain't even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it," he actually means, "We were just two consenting, not-unconscious adults, enjoying some intimacy-inducing drugs, fine champagne, and mutually enjoyable sexual intercourse."

Or as big homie just tweeted: "I dont condone rape. Apologies for the #lyric interpreted as rape. #BOSS."

UPDATE Hundreds of rape victims have joined an open letter demading "Reebok drop Rick Ross for bragging about drugging and raping a woman."

UPDATE #2 Rick Ross's rape lyrics are getting dropped from Rocko's "U.O.E.N.O."

UPDATE #3 Rick Ross's Reebok endorsement deal has been killed over the "U.O.E.N.O." rape lyrics.

UPDATE #4 After two weak attempts, Rick Ross has finally, truly apologized for apologized for his "U.O.E.N.O." rape lyrics.

See also:
-Rick Ross Officially Recognized as "Bawse of the Year 2012"
-Rick Ross Shooting: Police Sift Though Surveillance Footage, Not Discussing Suspects
-Rick Ross Raps About Rape, Says He Don't Rap About Rape
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Rick Ross needs to Bawse up and take responsibility for his verses. But he doesn't seem ready to admit to rappin' about rape.

Some guest spot lyrics on "U.O.E.N.O." from the Miami MC have got a lot of women reconsidering their love for the hefty player. But just as we saw a couple of months ago, Ross is good at dodging bullets.

When he was asked to apologize, he denied ever rapping about rape at all. And the Bawse's reasoning: He never used the word "rape" directly.

UPDATE Rick Ross has issued another insincere apology for rapping about molly sex assault: "I don't condone rape #BOSS."

UPDATE #2 Hundreds of rape victims have joined an open letter demading "Reebok drop Rick Ross for bragging about drugging and raping a woman."

UPDATE #3 Rick Ross's rape lyrics are getting dropped from Rocko's "U.O.E.N.O."

UPDATE #4 Rick Ross's Reebok endorsement deal has been killed over the "U.O.E.N.O." rape lyrics.

UPDATE #5 After two weak attempts, Rick Ross has finally, truly apologized for apologized for his "U.O.E.N.O." rape lyrics.

See also:
-Rick Ross Officially Recognized as "Bawse of the Year 2012"
-Rick Ross Gets Death Threats from Gangster Disciples, Cancels MMG Tour Dates
-Rick Ross Shooting: Police Sift Though Surveillance Footage, Not Discussing Suspects
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Our nation loves a good cause, and we seem to have made Rihanna one of them. This whole country is just one bad-gal Instagram photo away from a million-man march to raise awareness and call for an end to the singer's tumultuous relationship with Chris Brown.

Never mind that the pair is "in love" and possibly balls-deep in the freakiest engagement of all time. He kicked her ass once, and gosh darnit, he'll do it again.

And according to this Law & Order: SVU episode inspired by the rocky gossip rag favorites, someone like Chris Brown could totally leave Rihanna floating dead in the water.

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-Rihanna and Chris Brown Getting Married? Couple Allegedly Planning Fire-Breathing Wedding With "a Near-Naked Waitstaff"
-Chris Brown Punches Frank Ocean Over Parking Spot
-Chris Brown Feels Victimized: "A Day in My Shoes Is a Day in Hell"
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Baauer knew not what he had created.

Just a week ago, Baauer and his "Harlem Shake" was simply an underground sensation. Sure, his name was on the lips of everyone in the know, but how many skinny-jean hipster trapper keepers are there?

This morning, Baauer holds the No. 1 song on the Billboard Hot 100, the first time a relatively unknown artist has ever debuted at the top spot. And why? Because the internet.

Baauer's "Harlem Shake" became the biggest meme of the year overnight. Everyone and their mom are doing it - literally. Your grandma, beanie babies and cats on drugs are doing it. We're not really sure how we feel about all this, a would-be classic turned viral joke, but either way, let's take a closer look at just how universal this non-Harlem Shake "Harlem Shake" has become.

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"Welcome to Pleasureville!"

It's a magical place where everybody masturbates (solo or en masse) every minute of every day. And there is never a shortage of over-the-counter sex toys, tingly warming lube, or Ecstasy™ condoms.

Or as we here at Crossfade call this autoerotic paradise... South Beach.

Just listen closely and you will hear the climactic screams of South Florida's sex enthusiasts. Partly because Trojan's gonna be hosting a "massive vibrator giveaway" at SoBe nightclub NoWhere Lounge next week.

Oh yeeeaaahhh.

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-Free Boob Job Giveaway at South Beach Club!
-Ten Best Songs About Masturbation
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Via ESPN

MLBers Justin Upton, Evan Longoria, Brandon Phillips, Giancarlo Stanton, and Shane Victorino covering Devo's Freedom of Choice.

Sure, the Miami Marlins might've been passive-aggressively shopping slugger Giancarlo Staton to any MLB team prepared to spend an "overwhelming" amount of cash.

But trading the last star in the Marlins' clubhouse to a New Wave art-punk band from Akron, Ohio that's best known for singing "Whip It" while wearing bright-red, dog dish-shaped "energy domes" on their heads?

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-ESPN Viral Video Tells LeBron Haters to STFU
-Miami Heat's "All of the Lights" Video: Is The Big Three Actually a Boy Band?
-LeBron Raps, Popping Million Mollies in Five Minutes: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown
-LeBron James and Dwyane Wade Sing Crappy Michael Jackson Karaoke!

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They don't call her 'Superhead' for nothin'.

If one were to envision the sex life of your average shmazillionaire rapper based on their lyrical content, the picture developed would be downright obscene.

We're not talking high-budget HD cuddle porn shit. If their rhymes are to be believed, the libidinal reality of the average MC is more akin to a brightly-lit gymnasium filled with 500 people doing the nasty.

But in real reality (which, for the sake of this blip on the content-sphere, we're going to simply assume exists), the carnal exploits of hip-hop's biggest names reads more like the epic and vertiginous erotica of Gabriel García Márquez's world-renowned novel, and smutfest, One-Hundred Years of Solitude.

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Via twitter.com/Freddy_E

Frederick Eugene Buhl, AKA Freddy E.

"Fuck... my... life."

Those were among the last words of a 22-year-old MC named Freddy E. (born Frederick Eugene Buhl) who published 16 distraught Twitter updates in 107 minutes on Saturday, January 5, before killing himself.

Among the speculated motives for Buhl's suicide: A breakup with Toronto rapper Honey Cocaine about which he tweeted: "If there's a God then He's calling me back home. This barrel never felt so good next to my dome. It's cold & I'd rather die than live alone."

And obviously, even though she's approximately 3,352 miles away, Miami supergroupie Kat Stacks (freshly released from a Louisiana immigration detention center after two years) has joined the Twitter debate.

UPDATE Kat Stacks supports the Dream Act! So the supergroupie's tweet-chatting with DreamActivist.org and some undocumented youth.

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-Kat Stacks Free! Supergroupie Won't Be Deported, Released After Two Years
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Don't you wanna be like this guy?

When your scene decides to find its "next superstar" on a reality television show produced by the same people behind Jersey Shore, then your scene probably needs a life raft, 'cause it's drowning.

Edmcasting.com is a website where all "producer-DJs" are invited to "start honing your skills" and apply for a casting call on the upcoming, first-ever, definitely-not-necessary electronic dance music reality competition show.

It's gonna blow harder than Pauly D's hair.

See also:
-Ten Richest DJs: From Pauly D to Tiesto
-Six Best EDM Riders: From Deadmau5 to Pauly D and Diplo
-Ten Reasons EDM Is the Wimpiest Youth Culture Movement Ever
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