David Guetta Moves to Edgewater: "This Is a Little More Cool, a Little More Cultural"

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Photo by: Nabil Elderkin
Hey, what's David Guetta looking at? Why, it's the Wynwood Art District!

David Guetta is something of a perverse pioneer. He's a true trailblazer, even if we don't all necessarily want to follow his path.

Several years ago, the scraggly-bearded Frenchman brought dance music to the masses unlike anyone before him. And today, he still sits atop the pop charts, alongside Miami natives and residents like Pitbull, Flo Rida, and Lil Wayne. So why not join the rest of these hitmakers by moving to the MIA?

However, unlike most other stars, David Guetta hasn't chosen a long-established celebrity enclave. The "Fuck Me, I'm Famous" DJ is once again poised to lead the way -- but not in a musical sense. He is joining the real estate takeover of non-SoBe Miami, essentially becoming the latest face of mainland Miami gentrification.

Get ready, hipsters ... Guetta is officially moving to Edgewater.

See also: 13 Richest DJs of 2013

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Ratchet Christmas: Top Ten Videos

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Where all my ho ho hos at?

Santa wants all the naughty girls and boys to drop it in his lap, because we're celebrating the most ratchet Christmas that the streets have ever seen.

What makes a ho ratchet? Well, she's probably gold diggin' in a messy weave, twerkin' in her stockings, chewin' like she's got Vaseline on her gums, and talkin' way too loud.

Of course, a ratchet Christmas just isn't complete without this set of insane Christmas carols and twerk vids. So come over here and eat our cookies like you 'spose to.

See also: XXXmas: Ten Sexiest Christmas Songs

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The Six Ravers You Meet on EDM-Date.com

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Photo by: Ian Witlen
Disclaimer: We chose these pictures at random from our archives, and they don't actually portray registered EDM-Date users.
You know that feel when you're at the rave get-down all by yourself and everyone around you has a spirit-hooded cuddle buddy? Big room drops just aren't the same without someone to love, but never fear, edm-date.com is here!

The sweet kandi gods of love did smile upon thee with this dating website designed to bring you closer to your "Clarity," your "Cinema," your perfect raver dreamboat. Whether you're looking for a man or a woman, a straight, a gay, a curious, a trance family member, a dubstep diva or even a hopeful producer wanna-be, edm-date.com can make your beat match happen, no train wrecks allowed.

Just don't search for a male ages 25 to 35 in Florida interested in "blog house." No such user exists.


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Rent Gloria Estefan's Star Island Guest House for $30,000 a Month

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You've been working hard, haven't you? Don't you think it's time for a vacation?

Well, if you're looking for the perfect waterfront pad, and you have a month to kill and at least $30,000, not only are you a rich son of a bitch, but we've got the deal for you!

Gloria Estefan, Miami's beloved musical and cultural icon, is opening her very swank guest house for getaway rentals. Tucked away across the bridge on Star Island, this 4,500-square-foot escape is the ideal spot to "shake your body, baby, do the conga" in peace.

See also: Otto Von Schirach Officially Mega-Mixes Gloria Estefan's "Wepa"

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Rick Ross, DJ Khaled Win $120,000 Free-Throw Contest

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"We the Miami Heat of hip-hop."

Now, obviously, when Rick Ross uttered that boast, it was meant as more than just a Bawse-ly metaphor.

Because big homie and his buddy DJ Khaled got such skills from the stripe, they recently won $120,000 in a free-throw contest.

See also: Rick Ross Smokes His Weight in Jamaican Weed: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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The Weeknd's Free Kiss Land Condoms Are Coming to Miami

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Welcome to The Weeknd's Kiss Land.

It is a glitteringly cold, irreversibly twisted, bleakly sexy netherworld where we're "all faded off the wrong thing" and we "gotta pay with [our bodies]." You know, a lot like Miami.

There is a "room where the kisses ain't free." (But the Adderall cocktails come complimentary.) And the clubs are just crawling with strippers and groupies who'll tweak and stroke and yank you like a slot machine that can't stop puking dollar bills.

So, uh, yeah ... You're gonna need some condoms.

See also: The Five People You Meet in the Weeknd's Kiss Land

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Tupac Biopic?! Five Slanderous Post-Death 'Pac Projects

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For most of us schlubs, death is the end. But for an influential artist, it is only the beginning. In fact, there is a guy who has made his entire lucrative career from steering the estates of dead icons including Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and the street-wise prophet Tupac Shakur. His name is Jeff Jampol, and he thinks of himself as a sort of posthumous architect of souls.

"[Tupac's mom] talked about how Tupac had a blueprint for the message he wanted to carry," he told Variety. "That word 'blueprint' sparked a light bulb in my head. I realized if you look at what these artists said, what they did, and the art they created, they will reveal to you the blueprint. They will tell you where to go."

Sometimes we wish those blueprints came with an end point, but the bottom line is always dollar bills, so it's a never-ending cycle to stay relevant beyond the lasting treasure of his living worth. Can you believe the things Tupac's corpse is capable of? Check out these five timeless moments.

See also: Hip-Hop: Five Most Annoying Buzzwords

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Five Reasons Will.i.am Is the Most Embarrassing Pop Star of Our Generation

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Will.i.am is one of the world's most popular musicians, which is very strange considering he's also one of the worst pop stars on the planet.

What do we mean by "worst?" Well, he continually proves himself to be an untalented, unintelligible hack. His lyric writing abilities -- as showcased on chart-topping Black Eyed Peas records -- are elementary at best. He's the kind of person who thinks slogans are a language and hashtags are a way of life.

Not totally convinced? Let us show you the worst of the worst moment in will.i.am history. Warning: You might die of laughter.


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David Guetta Is Pissed, Threatens Site Over Fake Story

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What's dumber? A dance music blog completely fabricates an absurd story about one of the world's most popular DJs, or that said DJ would be personally offended and find that the clearly false story is damaging to his career. More specifically, possibly affecting his ranking in the DJ Mag Top 100?

We know. That's a lot of stupid.

Yet alas, it's true. David Guetta served wunderground.com with a cease and desist, threatening to go Malcolm X on the perps and put the pressure on the site by any means necessary until the offending article was taken down. So, how is this whole thing going down?


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Pitbull and Flo Rida Make Shocking Discovery: "White Girl Got Some Ass!"

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Almost 200 years ago, famed naturalist Charles Darwin boarded the HMS Beagle, an exploratory vessel captained by pioneering meteorologist Robert FitzRoy, for an epic voyage to the wildly exotic, nearly untouched, species-rich Galápagos Islands.

There, Darwin and FitzRoy would explore the landscape and catalog the biosphere and become renowned men of science.

But today, ol' Chuck and Bob's triumph has been trumped. Because native Miami ass-splorers Flo Rida and Pitbull just made a shocking discovery ...

See also:
-Diplo Calls Flo Rida a "Fuckboi," Accuses Rapper of Stealing Misogynist Video Concept


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