Justin Bieber's Miami Beach Arrest Report and Mug Shot: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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Miami-Dade Corrections

"Why the fuck are you doing this?"

That's what Justin Bieber whined when a Miami Beach Police Department officer halted the 19-year-old pop star and his homies' impromptu, early-morning street-racing escapades along Pine Tree Drive.

According to the MBPD's arrest report, Bieber had "a flushed face, bloodshot eyes, and an odor of alcohol on his breath." He was arrested, failed a sobriety test, and given a Breathalyzer as well as a so-called "drug evaluation."

The Biebz's misdemeanor charges include resisting arrest without violence, DUI, driving with an expired Georgia driver's license, and being a douche.

Check the cut for the full report.

UPDATE Was Justin Bieber's drunkenness exaggerated by Miami Beach Police?Read the MBPD spokesperson's response.

See also: Justin Bieber Blows $75,000 on Strippers at King of Diamonds in Miami

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Drake and A$AP Rocky's Miami Vice Ripoff: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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When lil' rappers like Drizzy Drake go to sleep at night, of what do they dream?

A Miami Vice-slash-Scarface world in which they are outlaw heroes with a mansion, an armory stocked with illegal machine guns, a closet full of suits and t-shirts, and an ethnically ambiguous girlfriend who needs to be rescued.

Of course, Drake is rich and famous enough to buy his wildest fantasies now. So instead of music videos, he's making elaborately art directed, meta-awesome, seven-minute versions of his best (wet?) dreams, as based on '80s TV shows and movies.

Just check the cut for an extremely detailed breakdown of Drizzy and A$AP's Miami Vice ripoff.

See also: Pitbull and Flo Rida Make Shocking Discovery: "White Girl Got Some Ass!"

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Miley Cyrus, America's Worst Twerker: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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America. We're on the brink of war, just moments from disaster, shaking up and down, side to side, hanging out the bottom of some nude-colored shorts.

No, we're not talking about Syria. We're talking about Cyrus -- Miley Cyrus. And while the President fumbles with words and foreign relations, the nation finds itself distracted by the greatest ratchet white-girl story that the world has ever known.

From delusions of grandeur to twerking, from nude swings to rap debuts, Miley Cyrus is the hottest mess Disney has ever produced.

See also: Video Vixen Workout: Seven Steps to Total Twerk Fitness!


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Flo Rida Makes Crappy Music With Lasers: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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"Have you ever dreamed of being a star?"

Who's asking? Flo Rida! He wants to make your dreams come true, and he's not going to do it with the exciting new BeamzByFlo, "the future of interactive music."

What is it? Probably the cheapest piece of plastic crap turned musical instrument since Guitar Hero, with about the same level of playability. It is four red laser beams stretched across two black plastic bars, and you play it like an asshole to hear shitty covers of pop hits.

It comes with a 30-day free trial and a heaping pile of regret. Let's watch the infomercial.

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Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber "Twerk": An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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Study this face, for pretty soon, we'll never see it again.

Poor Miley Cyrus. The former Disney princess finally has her moment in the spotlight, and turns out, she's a one-trick pony. We're starting to think she just shows up at parties and gets to doing the single awkward thing she can. Well, she's probably pretty good at bummin' lines, but we don't actually have any proof of that one.

Yet the last thing we need is more proof that this scrawny gringa thinks she's a ratchet dancer, but for the millionth time in two days, that's what she's given us. Oh, and hey, Justin Bieber is getting in on the action too.

Are you ready for the saddest example of black culture appropriation since Riff Raff? OK, let's dive in.

See also:
-Miley Cyrus (Briefly) Takes Over South Beach's Clevelander Hotel: "Twerk Contest, Anyone?"


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Trina's "Ass Fat": An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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Trina is Da Baddest Bitch. And that's the way it's been ever since her career first took off in the late '90s.

But it's a decade and a half later. And the 34 year old's got some stiff competition, what with all these bodacious youngins hitting the charts.

In an age when ass shots are plentiful and every stripper has a surgically enhanced donk bigger than the next, Miami's Diamond Princess had to hit the beat and remind these freaks who indeed has the "Ass Fat" to make a player throw his cash.

For serious, "you don't know nann ho," and we're going to break it down for you.

See also:
-Miami's Seven Most Essential Rap Anthems


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The-Dream's Banned "Pussy" Porn Vid:
An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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R.I.P., feminism, for we bury it on this day.

The-Dream released a pornographic music video less than 24 hours ago. And almost immediately, it was pulled from YouTube for breaking the nudity rules. Thankfully, there's Vimeo for all our prurient needs.

The clip for single "Pussy," featuring Big Sean and Pusha T, shows some stripper touching herself, getting jizzed on by massage oil, and simulating sex with The-Dream's forthcoming CD. Let's check it out.

See also:
-Mystikal Contemplating XXX Career, Might F#$% Wit Porn Star Pinky for Free
-Gucci Mane Raps for Empty Porn Expo on South Beach: A 10-Photo Recap
-Tyga Launches RackCity.XXX Adult Site, Directing Porn


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Azealia Banks's "No Problems" Video, Shot at Ultra 2013: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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How weird was it to wake up this past weekend and not immediately jump on the Metrorail bound for Ultra Music Festival?

After two consecutive weeks of fist-pumping, (almost) naked raver bros, nipple pasties, and Molly, the earliest stages of rave withdrawal were starting to creep into our central nervous system.

But thank God for Azealia Banks, who just debuted the music video for her Angel Haze dis track, "No Problems." Aside from being a gnarly club banger, the video is also a look back at Ultra Music Festival, 'cause the whole thing was shot during Miami's biggest dance party.

Check out the extremely detailed breakdown after the cut.

See also:
-Top 13 Hardcore Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!
-Naked Dancing Dude Gets Arrested at Ultra 2013 (NSFW VIDEO)
-Top Ten Twerking Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!
-50 WTF Quotes From Ultra Music Festival 2013
-Toothpaste Man and Nine More Crazies at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!
-Ultra Music Festival 2013: The Complete Coverage


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Cassidy Teaches to "Stroke 'Em Condom Style": An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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Boom! You're pregnant! Or worse!
Yo, listen up. Cassidy has a public service announcement, and it's mad serious and relevant to your lifes.

When you see a hot-ass mami and she's shakin' her jelly, you've got to get in it. But you can't be lovin' them guts raw, dawg. Like Snoop said: "Ain't no pussy good enough to get burned while I'm up in it."

Some of y'all be sleepin' in the goodie trap. Some of y'all think it's just a game. So Cassidy is reminding you that freakin' be serious business, and he's doing it "Condom Style."

See also:
-Rick Ross Smokes His Weight in Jamaican Weed: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown
-Lil Wayne and DJ Paris Hilton's Sex Tape: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown
-LeBron Raps, Popping Million Mollies in Five Minutes: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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LeBron Raps, Popping Million Mollies in Five Minutes: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

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LeBron James is so #ballswag on the court, he can pop a molly and sweat it out like his first name was Trinidad.

In fact, Trinidad James and King James have a lot in common. The rapper gives it up to them "hipster bitches." The basketballer rides the Miami critical mass. They've both expressed at least a modest interest in fashion. And they both seem to know the words to Trinidad's hit "All Gold Everything."

Just the other day, the champion player was caught mouthing the rap jam in the middle of a Heat game. What's even better, is someone set the clip to the original music, then looped it for five minutes straight.

Goddamn it, Internet, we love you.

See also:
-ESPN Viral Video Tells LeBron Haters to STFU
-Miami Heat's "All of the Lights" Video: Is The Big Three Actually a Boy Band?
-2 Chainz, Lil Wayne, and LeBron James at B.O.A.T.S. Tour in Miami

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