Miami's Best Albums, EPs, and Singles of 2014

Categories: Lists, Local Music

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Photo by Marco Torres
Miami, where the streets rumble with dirty house, street rap, metal, indie, punk rock, and EDM.

Welcome to the 305. The city that vibes. And shakes ass. And shreds.

Too often, jetsetters and Midwestern tourists land on the sandy white shores of South Beach seeking only uhntz-uhntz and a trip to the VIP. And sure, we love that stuff too.

But the locals know Miami is also about that dirty house music, raw street rap, sludge metal, indie tuneage, punk rock, and tripped-out EDM. We pop booties one night. And we headbang the next. That's the real Dade County.

Here are Miami's ten best albums, EPs, and singles of 2014.

See also: Miami's 50 Best Bands of All Time

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King of Diamonds: Ten Best Rap References to Miami's Most Notorious Strip Club

Categories: Lists

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Photo by Derrick G.
Drake, Birdman and 2 Chainz at King of Diamonds.

When it comes to rap music, King of Diamonds is like guns, weed, and sex. It's everywhere.

Atlanta might be Strip City, but KOD is the king of strip clubs, and rightfully so. Almost every rapper, from 2 Chainz and Gucci Mane to Lil B and Nelly, has mentioned this Miami nudie mecca in a song or two. Or three. Or four.

This summer, New York City investors bought the club for over $6 million, which sounds about right. After all, they weren't just buying a gentleman's club. They were buying the keys to the castle.

Given the club's notoriety, we here at Crossfade decided to do the dirty work of digging up the ten best rap references to King of Diamonds. And if there's anything to be learned from this list of songs, it's that being told "you could work at KOD" is, in fact, a compliment and your chances are very high, especially if you are a rapper, of finding love in da club.

See also: Rap's Ten Best Songs About Big Butts

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30 Richest Musicians of 2014

Categories: Lists, News

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Photo by Sayre Berman
Miley is smiley 'cause she made $36 million in the last 365 days.

Glitz. Glamour. And obscene, seven-figure weekly paychecks.

Such is the life of the rich and famous pop tarts, rock stars, rappers, and superstar DJs who enrich our lives with their inspiring music, spectacular tours, semi-nude Instapics, and endless drug-taking, DUI-ing, sex tape-ing antics.

Can you imagine making $100,000 a day? Well, even the poorest among Forbes' highest-paid musicians of 2014, like Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga, pull down that many greenbacks every 24 hours.

Others, meanwhile, mint that much moola in 60 minutes. All day. All night. All year.

See also: Eight Signs You're Not VIP

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Five Signs This Club Sucks

Categories: Lists

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Photo by Christopher Victorio
Sign a club sucks: You walk into a room filled with candy eaters.

Free time is a precious commodity. Weekend warriors have a mere 48 hours to get as nasty as they wanna be, then it's a long, hot shower and another five days of money makin'.

No one wants to waste their Saturdays on shitty drinks in shitty environments. And there's nothing fun about wasting hundreds of dollars on a night that you'd rather forget.

So here are five signs this club sucks... And if three or more of these triggers are set off by the party spot that your best friend just suggested, don't drop a dollar on cover charge.

See also: Ten Worst Raver Cliches

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Blowfly's Top Ten Contributions to Music

Categories: Lists, Local Music

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Yo momma's favorite filthy rapper, Blowfly.

Blowfly, otherwise known as Clarence Reid, is more than just the world's first recorded rapper, a smooth-singing soul crooner, and a sex prophet for profit. He is living proof of Miami's global relevance to the world of music.

And there are not many people who know Blowfly as well as manager, drummer, and number-one fan Tom Bowker. He has both traveled the world with Mr. Fly as a touring musician and incurred his wrath over pizza.

So in preparation for this weekend's Save the Funky House Party, here are Blowfly's top ten contributions to music, according to Bowker.

See also: Blowfly's Save the Funky House Party: "Take Care of Our Local Legend"

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Miami's Ten Best Rockabilly Bands of All Time

Categories: Lists

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Steve Alaimo and the Redcoats.

There is more to Miami's music scene than meets the eye. But surely, no one thinks, Rockabilly!, when the Magic City is mentioned. What a damn shame, because our city's seen its fair share of quality rockabilly acts.

Showing its Southern roots, Miami was home to a thriving rockabilly scene in the '50s and '60s. There was local talent. There were homegrown record companies. And there were bands arriving from all over America to tear apart our world class hotels. Even the King of Hunch, Hasil Adkins himself, had some of his whacked-out seven-inch platters released by South Florida labels.

Here are Miami's ten best rockabilly acts of all time.

See also: Miami's 20 Best Punk Bands of All Time

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III Points 2014: Winners & Losers

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Photo by Alex Markow

Looking back at last weekend, the second-ever III Points was a real big winner.

It was bigger and more ambitious than its predecessor. Attendance was up -- way up. The move to Soho Studios was the right one. And between Shake Shack, La Latina, and Panther Coffee providing festival-goers with food and drink, there was no reason to ever leave the grounds. (And unlike almost any other festival, III Points 2014 had a very liberal in-and-out policy -- which is a good thing, if you ask me.)

Still some people and things were "winning" bigger than others. And, well, there were some losers in this batch too. So let's look back at III Points and break it down for you.

See also: III Points 2014: Miami New Times' Complete Coverage

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The 10 People Who Won't Make It in Miami

Categories: Lists

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Photo by George Martinez
The Dolphins new quarterback? He definitely ain't gonna make it.

Someone once said, "You go to New York to become someone, you go to L.A. when you are someone, and you go to Miami when you want to be someone else."

We like to think we're somebody, but it would totally make sense if we found out we had been someone else our whole life. It takes a certain kind of special to make Miami work. You can't have too many hangups. You've got to be OK with tacky and classy being approximately the same thing. You've got to be chill and kind of a bitch all the time. It takes practice.

Some people will just never get it right, and that's fine. For them, there's New York or L.A. or whatever.

See also: The Six People You Meet on South Beach

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Ten of Miami's Oldest Bars

Categories: Lists, Nightlife

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Photo by George Martinez/gmartnx.com
Tobacco Road, keeping it real since 1912.

You can tell a lot about a city by its bar scene.

Just take a look at Miami. The Magic City may be home to some of the flashiest uhntz-uhntz powerhouses in the country, but the 305 wouldn't be the nightlife mecca of the south if it wasn't for the vision set by our thirsty founding fathers and their love of beer.

In honor of our hardcore party rep, here are ten of Miami's oldest bars that have kept their doors open throughout the years, dating from the 1980s and beyond.

See also: Miami's Ten Best Underground Rock Venues of All Time

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Roller Disco: Five Absolutely Essential Jams, According to DJ Danny Krivit

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Party people old enough to remember Miami's roller disco days should be stoked to know that the 305 has a new party on wheels.

Roller Disco at Grand Central may be just a monthly party, but with some of disco music's most legendary DJs headlining, it might be the single best excuse to party all month if you do nothing else.

Nicky Siano of Studio 54 fame helped kick off the party during the summer, and October's installment presents none other than Danny Krivit, beloved veteran of the seminal NYC disco scene alongside Siano and other legends like Larry Levan and François Kevorkian.

Ahead of the party, we couldn't pass up a chance to peek into Krivit's DJ bag and five of his all-time favorite roller disco jams.

See also: Downtown Miami's Five Best Dance Clubs

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