What We Learned About DJ Khaled from the "Hold U Down" Video

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Still from DJ Khaled's new video "Hold You Down"
DJ Khaled is going to give this girl a bunch of money, even though she looks totally creeped out by him.
It may be Monday, but it's never too early in the work week for a sex anthem.

DJ Khaled is holdin' u down till the weekend with the premiere of his latest video, "Hold U Down," featuring Chris Brown, Jeremih, Future, and August Alsina -- four of the silkiest voices in the modern R&B scene.

The visual is pretty standard in that it's an over-sexed advertisement for Khaled's copious commercial endorsements, but in case you didn't see his ground-breaking mini-movie for "No New Friends," Khaled is kind of a film entrepreneur. He lets us in to another level of his personal life with this six-minute doozy, and while watching, we learned some strange things that can never be unlearned.


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Watch James Brown Play a UFO Cult Leader in This Bizarre Episode of Miami Vice

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James Brown stars in your strangest acid trip on Miami Vice episode.
Hit me!

The new James Brown biopic Get On Up is gettin' on up them screens today, and any soul-addict should hit the theaters, at least sneak in, to see Chadwick Boseman sweat his ass off while doing right by the Hardest Working Man in Show Business.

All the great music and personal intrigue aside, there's even more reason why we as Miamians should support the film. Back in the day, James Brown had mad love for our city, and we have a special, if not somewhat embarrassing, connection with the multi-talented soul man.

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Sir Michael Rocks Filmed "F&%k SeaWorld" Music Video at Miami Seaquarium

Categories: News, Video

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Still haven't watched Blackfish, the documentary shaming Orlando's SeaWorld as one of the cruelest keepers of orcas and other fishy friends?

Well, surely, all of your couch-activist friends have related how damning it is, that it will make you cry, and how you'll never want to go to an animal theme park ever again.

In fact, one of your anti-oceanarium pals might be former Cool Kids rapper Sir Michael Rocks. He just dropped a new video "Fuck SeaWorld" (filmed after sneaking into, um, the Miami Seaquarium), and he's got some choice words for all evil zoologists.

See also: Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty Rapper

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Paris Hilton's EDM Vomit "Come Alive": Why This Song Sucks Worse Than Anything Ever

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Courtesy of UMG/Cash Money

We want to start by reminding you that Paris Hilton is 33.

If, at that age, we are prancing around a sound green-screen stage dressed like a my-size Barbie princess doll, please, don't hesitate to shoot us. No adult woman should be stuck in such a stunted hell.

That she looks magically shiny at 33 is also a lie. And so is this new music video for "Come Alive," her latest foray into the commercial free-for-all that is EDM. Her image is as organic as the synthetic beat, and we'd bet money that Paris' voice was run through the ringer too.

See also: DJ Paris Hilton Signs to Cash Money: Five Reasons Her "House Album" Will Suck Balls

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Otto Von Schirach, Pepe Billete Talk "Tipo Tropical," Shot in Pablo Escobar's Mansion

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¿Que es un "Tipo Tropical"?

Well, just ask Cuban puppet and Miami media mogul Pepe Billete: "Imagine it like this ... If you went to sleep tonight and were visited by the morronga fairy and tomorrow you woke up with five additional inches added to both the length and diameter of your pinga, what kind of guy do you think you'd be after three years? That's un tipo tropical.'"

Or as electronic musician and 305 genius Otto Von Shirach says: "It's an elegant, wise outlaw, who's seen it all. Always calm, like a tiger. Always tropical."

See also: Miami's 25 Best Electronic Music Acts

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Crazy Stories at Churchill's Pub: A Video Interview

Blood. Shit. Spilled beer. "And a girl," as Churchill's Pub enforcer Nicky Bowe recalls, "pissing into a saucepan."

Only a few examples of the weird, wild, and occasionally disgusting stuff that can happen in the course of a trip to Our Beloved Shithole at 5501 NE Second Avenue on any given night of any given week.

Just check out today's vid on the crazy stories at Churchill's Pub.

See also: Churchill's Pub: An Oral History

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Favorite Bands at Churchill's Pub: A Video Interview

It's been said that Churchill's Pub just might hold the world's record for having the most live acts in a single venue.

But while the massive mission (and accompanying pint-drinking campaign) to complete that count rages on, we here at Crossfade can say it's no doubt been the home to some of Miami's best and favorite bands over the last three decades.

From Charlie Pickett and the Holy Terrors to Jacuzzi Boys ... Check out today's vid on the bands at Churchill's Pub.

See also: Churchill's Pub: An Oral History

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History of Churchill's Pub: A Video Interview

It is Miami's embassy of punk, rock, metal, noise, and pints.

After 35 years under the ownership of beloved founder Dave Daniels, the cultural landmark otherwise known as Churchill's Pub has been sold.

Some are worried about drastic changes. Others expect the place to see another million mosh pits. In either case, an era has come to an end.

That's why we here at Crossfade are celebrating the 305's best rock club ever with a cover story entitled "Bangers & Mosh" and a series of video interviews with Mr. Daniels, local music legend Rat Bastard, and pub enforcer Nicky Bowe.

Check out today's vid on the history of Churchill's Pub.

See also: Churchill's Pub: An Oral History

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Anthony Bourdain Slams EDM: "Come Ye Lords and Princelings of Douchedom"

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Courtesy of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown

We are all quite aware that food celebrity, television host, prolific author, and hilarious asshole Anthony Bourdain is basically a rock 'n' roll guy.

On the tube, he can often be seen palling around with Queens of the Stone Age's Josh Homme, another funny, prickly professional shit-talker. And the theme song for his latest TV show, CNN's Parts Unknown, is a woozy rocker from Homme and ex-Screaming Trees frontman Mark Lanegan.

But did you know that Bourdain is also a big fan of magic?

Also, he hates "electronic dance music."

See also: Six Reasons to Never Have Sex With a DJ

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Glitch Mob on DIY Electronic Music, Actually Playing Instruments: A Video Interview

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Photo by Neil Krug

The Glitch Mob isn't your average DJ group.

In fact, these guys don't usually DJ. They're one of those rare, talented acts who play electronic instruments. And they even help design those instruments, as well as the stage production behind their performances.

We've caught them in the act and we've been blown away. So we were stoked at the chance to chat with the Los Angeles-based Mob during the first day of Ultra Music Festival 2014.

The topics of conversation include the successful new album Love Death Immortality, their new stage design, and why ravers need to disconnect to connect.

See also: Ultra 2014's Ten Best Moments

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