Dear Ricardo Guerrero: Ten Reasons Why Miami Venues Don't Suck Dick

​Recently, Crossfade covered local musician and promoter Ricardo Guerrero's declaration that "Miami Venues Suck Dick."

The scintillating article managed to pile up a total of 117 comments. Some people agreed with Guerrero's statement. Others tried to offer suggestions to grow this little scene.

It's a classic underground music fight, and it's funny to see that the argument never evolves. Either way, here are ten reasons why Miami venues don't suck dick.

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Ricardo Guerrero: "Miami Venues Suck Dick" and I'm Moving Death to the Sun to Lake Park

In another instance of local music scenesters using Facebook to rail against the scene (see also: Fernando Perdomo Wants You To Know That Experimental Music is Crap), Crossfade was surprised to see a surly post from This Heart Electric frontman Ricardo Guerrero acerbically declaring that "All Miami venues fucking suck a fat fucking dick" and that he would be moving his annual Death to the Sun festival to the recently opened Snooze Theater in Lake Park, Florida.

Guerrero's statement is weighty not only for its critical, kind-of-manic tone and approach, but also because the musician, promoter, engineer, and artist is such a dedicated member of the Biscayne Corridor music and arts community.

Crossfade shot Guerrero an email to get a feel for why he's so bummed out on Miami and its venues.

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Cocodrills Name the Best Grub, Music, Pick-up Lines, and More in Miami

Cocodrills' Adam Cruz and Christian "Pridef" Diaz.
After years of being knee-deep in the grime of Miami's nightlife and music scene, Cocodrills have become experts on the city's best music spots, the best places for a meal, and the best summer drinks.

Before catching the duo tonight at the Electric Pickle for their monthly Tech-Support party with opener Jared Esdale, Crossfade linked up with DJ-producers Adam Cruz and Christian "Pridef" Diaz (as Pridef sipped on a Mango Bellini) to find out what they consider the best of the best in this town of booze, babes, and beats.

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Crossfade Successfully Bullies Peter, Bjorn and John Into Booking a Miami Show

A few months ago, Crossfade initiated an intense letter-writing campaign in an attempt to bully (er, woo?) a bunch of our favorite indie bands into booking Miami shows.

And while certain targets of our stalker-ish affections, like Fleet Foxes, have steadfastly ignored our pen-and-paper threats (er, pleas?), there are other outfits, like sweet Swedish songsmiths Peter, Bjorn and John, who've actually acknowledged our dangerous obsession (er, wholesome affection?) by scheduling a visit to SoFla.

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Five Tips to Help Miami Chum Bucket Get Back on Track

Photo by Kitty Kaaos
At the end of March, punk music venue and multipurpose space Miami Chum Bucket opened with the chaotic roar of powerviolence virtuosos Gorilla Pussy and the wild churning of an inaugural, non-stop mosh pit. The moment marked the culmination of over a year of fundraising.

But less than two months after it opened, the punk oasis came under fire and its future is still uncertain. After the jump you'll find five chunks of advice for Miami Chum Bucket.

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The Earl Sweatshirt Saga Generates Internet Memes

Last month, Complex reported that Earl Sweatshirt had been tracked down. Odd Future's 17-year old lyrical mastermind was enrolled at the Coral Reef Academy in Samoa, an "off-shore treatment program for at-risk teenage boys."

A source said Earl had been sent there by his mom because of his "disrespectful music and behavior," then pictures of Earl (whose real name is Thebe Kgositsile) eating ice cream cones surrounded by Polynesian bros, and working on some type of drawing with a heavily tattooed Samoan surfaced.

At last, the missing rapper found. "Free Earl" sentiment grew, and more and more Odd Future fanboys started rocking screen printed Earl tees at OF shows.

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Sean Hannity Disses "Controversial Rapper" Common, Karl Rove Says Common's a "Thug"

Artist's Twitter
Common sure doesn't look like a thug.
Fox News' Sean Hannity dedicated 10-minutes of his program last night to shit on Common, and criticize Michelle Obama for inviting the "controversial rapper and poet" to her White House Poetry Night.

In typical "fair and balanced" fashion, Hannity even invited two black guys to discuss the "running list of controversial comments" Common's made over the years. Unfortunately, as Rap Radar points out, one of the dudes played the "Uncle Tom" role and "threw Common under the bus." And when Bucknell University Professor James Peterson chimed in with anything, Hannity and David Webb quickly countered with bullshit rebuttals about how fucked-up the White House is for inviting a dude that uses the "the N word" into "the people's house, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue."

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Tyler the Creator Is Strapped and Set to Swag the F#$% Out

Earlier this month, Tyler the Creator and his Odd Future collective arrived at the Coachella Music Festival strapped and ready to start a ruckus. They were swagging the fuck out after a chaotic mid-afternoon Friday set, spraying unsuspecting victims with squirt guns until security said no mas and allegedly kicked the whole crew out.

After the incident, Tyler tweeted a picture of the "faggot nigga" who kicked him out, and gave the poor dude more shit for "taking his faggot job (too) serious" in a subsequent Twitter outburst. While Tyler's I-don't-give-fuck attitude is starting to piss people off, the PR mastermind's also generating mad media buzz along the way.

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An Open Letter to The Decemberists, Love Crossfade

The Decemberists.jpg
Decemberists' Facebook
Dear Decemberists,

Congratulations, The King is Dead is a remarkable album. We can't wait to hear it live.

Actually, on second thought, we probably won't hear it live because the awful reality is that your tour's not stopping in Miami. Hell, it's not even tickling Florida's Panhandle. But that's what the letter's for, to convince y'all that the 305 is "itching to get more shows down here," including "another great indie folk band," like the Decemberists, in an effort to shake negative stereotypes associated with our music scene.

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Help Crossfade Convince Peter, Bjorn and John to Play Miami!

Hey, PB&J! Come to MIA!
On Monday, we wrote a letter to Fleet Foxes about their upcoming tour.

We assured them that Miami's music scene is on the up-and-come, and promised that if they came down here, we'd willingly fork over the price of admission for a night of culturally relevant indie rock. The band read our article, and promised they'd "make Florida happen, hopefully in the fall."

Now we're targeting Peter, Bjorn and John.More »

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