Halloween Costumes, Celebrity Edition: Kardashians to Jimmy McMillan
We've already suggested some feminista slut costumes, but if you don't feel comfortable cutting breast holes in addition to eye holes to become a sexy ghost, we have some other costume ideas for you - celebrity style, from politics to pop culture.
The Kardashians: Everyone loves a group theme, right? And one thing many Miami ladies have on their side is their gorgeous tan skin. If you can find two more girlfriends and a couple extra hours in the sun, you too can be the Kardashians.
Here's what you'll need: To start, you will need three long brunette wigs. For Kourtney you will need a friend on the midget side, jeans and a cute top, lots of accessories, big heels and a baby boy on your hip. (If you have a boy friend who is willing to be her douche baby daddy Scott, all he needs is a pretentious looking suit.) For Khloe, grab a Lakers jersey and over the knee boots (preferably with a 6 inch heel) and you're good to go. For Miss Kim, grab a dress that is more than skin tight, jumbo platform heels, tons of makeup, huge sunglasses, and a very large Louis Vuitton bag. To top it off, throw on your Spanx and fill them with a few properly well-placed packs of ground beef in the booty area and maybe you too will get your very own momager.
Christine O'Donnell: Yep, this tea bagger is great for so many reasons. First, should we repeat that she is a tea bagger? OK, moving on. She is running for the Delaware U.S. Senate seat and has gotten a lot of shit for the dumb shit she said anywhere from 10 years to 10 minutes ago. She was part of an anti-masturbation campaign (never a good idea) and once said she dabbled in witchcraft before launching into an I Am You campaign.
If you are looking to get political this holiday season, go into your mom's closet and grab her tackiest two-piece suit (preferably a skirt below the knee--she keeps it sexy) and a strand of pearls. Next, head down to your party supply place and grab a witches hat and broom. And trick or treat your Republican ass off.
Lindsay Lohan: This is more than simple. The beauty of Ms. Lohan is that the bitch changes her hair color every other day, so whatever what shade comes out of your head is just fine. Cut up a pair of jean shorts, a tank top with a black bra or you could always throw on some flannel, pair it with a big pair of wedges, bug-looking sunglasses, and carry around a bag of flour and poof: you're a socialite. If you could get arrested, go to rehab and twitter about it that would obviously be ideal.
Snooki: Living in Miami, we all have at least one chonga friend. You know her: speaks Spanglish, loves Pitbull more than life itself, calls Hialeah home, heads out to places like Club Dream and Space like it's her job. Well, it's time to call her up for your Halloween costume. You're going to need to borrow her highest heels (preferably with a clear heel) and the tightest and shortest dress she owns. With these two glorious pieces, grab a black wig and a spray tan (orange paint will work too) and do your best to get a great poof. We suggest pulling up some of the top pieces of the wig, pinning in a rolled up pair of socks and working around it. If none of that works, you can always throw on a Ed Hardy hat and call it a day.
The Obama Streaker: If you haven't heard about this mess because you were too busy crying over the Chilean mines (want to be one of them? Hard hat, jeans, a little dirt on the face, a Chilean flag and some Oakley sunglasses--BOOM!) then let us catch you up on the Obama streaker. Some chubster from Philidelphia made us all loose our appetites when he ran naked in front of the president with battlecam.com written on him. First, what a douche. Second, what a great costume idea. Grab some nude color undies, a permanent marker and maybe eat a few extra thousand calories for the next few days and your done. If you still have one of those Obama 2008 signs you pretty much golden.
TLC Sister Wives: When women hear the words, "I'm getting married" from a friend, pure joy comes over her. But when the statement follows with, "Will you be in the wedding?" the only thing that comes to mind is the terrible dress she is going to make you wear. Well, good news: she wasn't lying when she said, "The dress is great! You will definitely wear it again." Only this time, it's going to be on Halloween. If you were lucky enough to get put in the bridal party with a bunch of your girlfriends, gather them up, tell them to put those horrible dresses back on, pin up a terrible up- do and you are instantly TLC's Sister Wives. To really add to the group, one of the ladies is pregnant, so throw a balloon in the belly and your bump will be polygamy-rific. Really want to go all out? If any men in your life have an ill-fitting suit, and can grow a great goatee, then throw that man in your lady pile and you bitches have yourself a husband.
Jimmy McMillan: For the record, we thought of this one before he was spoofed on this weekend's SNL but we suggest you dress like the candidate from the Rent Is Too Damn High party because a.) rent really is too damn expensive b.) dude had has more flare than a TGIF hostess.
Here's what you'll need: Start with the foundation of a dark suit, throw in some black, knit gloves (even if you'll be inside and live in the tropics), find some dark-rim glasses, and most importantly, either grow or fake a wrap around 'stache with a goatee that looks like two angle wings. Did you hear that? Children and renters are applauding.