Kickball and Five Other Pseudo-Sports to Try with Coworkers
|Pitchers and kickers report to camp Feb. 25 at Peacock Park.|
But the thrill of competition is only part of what makes kickball fun. There's also the ogling coworkers in skimpy athletic gear, wearing wristbands and headbands for no discernible reason, and possibly hooking up with (or even better yet getting rejected by) Susie from accounting and then having to face her the next day. The point is kickball is here to stay as an adult pseudo-sport. But sadly, kickball season eventually comes to an end. Luckily, Cultist is here to suggest five other fake-sport-leagues-that-are-just-an-excuse-to-drink-and-get-laid.
5. Paddle Tetherball, S&M Style
Apparently mining playground games of our youth is where it's at for adults looking for after work fun, so we'll start with paddle tetherball. A slight variation on the game Napoleon Dynamite played, this sport involves smacking a ball tied to a poll with a wood paddle. The game has its limitations as a league sport, but what it lacks in every imaginable definition of sport, it makes up for in ready made sex props. There is the rope (or tether) which can be used to tie up kinky Susie from accounting, a ball which can be used as a ball gag, and a wood paddle for, you guessed it, some light spanking.
4. Strip Box Ball (aka Four Square for Strippers)
Remember this game: four boxes drawn within a larger square in chalk on the floor and you one bounce a large rubber ball to any of your opponents' boxes to see who messes up first. In our version remove an article of clothing every time you foul up. With a strip element in the mix, and we're sure eventually more boxes will be exposed.
|It's easy and our version is sleazy.|
3. Butts-Up (aka Wall Ball, Burn Ball, Red Butt, Fumble, Asses Up, Suicides, No Fear, and Sting)
More than foreplay, this game is perfect for the times you really want to get back at co-workers who got that promotion and raise you didn't. You play by throwing a tennis ball or rubber ball violently against a wall and when somebody eventually bobbles and drops the rebound, they have to sprint to the wall before getting beamed by the other player. In some versions of the game, if you don't get to the wall before somebody grabs the ball, you have to stand next to the wall, lean forward with "butt up" and let your opponent peg you.
Dodgeball is very popular, even more popular than kickball we'd guess. As well as being tailor made for a league sport between workers in different divisions of the same company, or different companies in the same industry, it is yet another example of a sport/game to help get out any lingering anger from the workplace. If you grew up in this country, you should know how to play. If not, check out the clip from Dodgeball, for some tips on learning.
1. Cock Stride
Admittedly, this game only makes our list because we think it will be fun to try and convince your coworkers to sign up for a game of Cock Stride. And then explaining how the game works. Here's how it goes: Between 3 and 15 individuals are needed and they need caps or hats of some kind or if all else fails you can pay with crumpled paper as well. One player--the cock--is blindfolded and stands in the stride position. The other players take turns throwing the caps between the cock's legs from five to ten feet behind the cock. They then go and stand next to wherever their cap landed. When everyone is done the cock drops on all fours and, while still blindfolded, crawls forward until he touches someone. That person immediately becomes the next cock and is chased by the rest of the group. When he or she is caught they are pummeled. That's right, everybody pummels the cock.
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