Wanda Sykes Had an Off, Unfunny Night at the Fillmore Miami Beach
The theater was full of middle-aged housewives, T-shirted twinks, and their boyfriends, all eagerly applauding the mere act of you standing on a stage and thanking your opening act, Keith Robinson.
And speaking of Mr. Robinson, he's someone who truly knows how to warm-up an audience. Too bad a third of the crowd was running around the lobby, using the restroom, buying beers, and scrambling to their seats while he busted out an endless silly string of offensively fresh jokes.
They included a bit about sticking his dick inside of a pencil sharpener and pretending to sharpen it in first grade, digging "older ladies, the kind you take to a Denny's on a Tuesday for a free meal", and how his baby's mama keeps on threatening to kill his turtles...although he doesn't own any turtles. "I'll give you some turtles, steal them, and fuck them up then!" Robinson said in a crazy-eyed impersonation of his ex.
The laughter was never really boisterous. It was a little louder at points, but never that kind of chuckle that would endow audience members with kickass abs from 100% pure ha-has. It was a little sad, because all of us in the MIA wanted you to be freaking hilarious.
Actually your best jokes, if not a little mean, were about your two-year-old twins: Lucas, who also has a huge, uneven head and will surely work a job where his name will be stitched to his uniform, and Olivia, who sings and dances to "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" like she's a pint-size stripper in training.
And I'm sorry to tell you this Wanda, but the audience started to trickle out of the theater well before your act was over. And I apologize for having to write this because I really wanted to enjoy you. And I feel you could've done better. But last night just wasn't your night.