How to Visit Cuba Without Pissing Off Your Cuban Parents: Part 1, Crashing for the Night
Bro, so you're totally Cuban, right? Pero you've never been to Cuba, so that idiot on the beach visiting from France said you were all confused, right? But he doesn't know shit because he doesn't know about Hialeah or Westchester.
Pero for real though, you want to see the island already, but your abuelos will disown you if you hand your money over to Castro like that. Bro, look, next time, tell them that you're gonna do it like this, so that the money goes to the people. And plus, this way you'll have like way more cash to get snatched out your pocket in Centro Habana.
These are apartments where the people can rent out rooms, so you get to pay them directly. They gotta pay extra taxes and shit, but whatever, at least they see some of the cash, unlike hotels.
|Symbol for a Casa Particular.|
Trust me, inside, it's mad chill. You even get air conditioning. The government makes it so that the room can't be all hood and shit. Sometimes you even get a refrigerator.
Pero dog, don't let yourself get ducked out by those fake ones. Like, if you're walking down the street and some come mierda sees you with your bags and tries to drag you to his apartment and when you get there, there's some old dude sitting there who the guy claims is his abuelo, even though the guy's straight black and the old dude is white with liver-spots.
You might get the room mad cheap, but the dude asks you to keep the bedroom window closed so no one sees you staying there. And then you find out that the toilet doesn't work after like 10 p.m. Next thing you know a water pipe busts in the building stairwell in the middle of the night and you wake up to find the Amazon River rushing your bed and all your things are soaked cause you left them on the floor.
What you've found is an illegal casa. You could stay there and see how Cubans live for real, but they can get busted bad, or the apartment can be a total piece of shit. Plus, the guy who grabbed you on the street will usually try to get you to cop them a bottle of rum or something for finding you the place. Just look for the blue sign, bro. Then you know it's legit.
The casas particulares cost like anywhere from $10 to $30 a night, dog, cheap as shit! In the pueblitos, it can be like, good luck finding one. In Havana, bro, you know they're gonna charge you closer to $30. Also, for a little more flow, they'll make you breakfast.
Next time I'll let you know where to eat for like a dollar, and even if your old man calls you crazy, at least he can't bitch about where the money goes.
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