25 Signs You Spend Way Too Much Time on Facebook
|Flickr CC Exey Panteleev|
You know you're spending too much time on Facebook if:
1. You recognize total strangers on the street because you saw them on your friend's page.
2. Your Facebook friends know you're pregnant before your family does.
3. You choreograph your picture-taking according to what would make a great profile picture.
4. You know exactly what your ex -- from ten years ago -- had for breakfast this morning.
5. You don't see the point in reunions. You already know everything about your former classmates, including the potty habits of their children.
6. You ask your spouse to change your Facebook password temporarily so you can get some work done.
7. You break up with your girlfriend by changing your relationship status to single. Ouch.
8. If you want to know the results of a Heat game, Marlins game, or presidential election, you check everyone's status updates.
9. You didn't get that great job because your would-be employer saw photos of you doing Jell-o shots while topless.
10. Your lawyer uses your ex's status updates in court to milk him for all he's worth.
11. Your just-out-of-jail childhood friend jacks your TV because he knows exactly when you "check in" at Coldstone Creamery every day.
12. The cops track down your kidnapper because you checked in at the mall and had not been seen since.
13. You have threatened, at least once, to end a 20-year friendship over the posting of a picture.
14. Your sister's friend's ex-boyfriend says he liked your wedding dress. He wasn't at the wedding.
15. You change your profile picture to your favorite cartoon all in the name of unwittingly helping out your local pedophile.
16. You accept your high school nemesis's friend request just so you can snoop through her photos. You knew all those cupcakes would catch up with her sometime.
17. You get to a party and a total stranger says, "I thought I'd see you here."
18. You don't check traffic updates; you check status updates to plan your route to work.
19. Acronyms have become your first language: LOL, ROFL, LMAO, FML, WTF.
20. You've reposted your support for the Army, your love for your mother, and your bra color -- twice -- all because the other status updates dared you not to.
21. You could pick out your friend's stretch-mark-filled baby bump in a lineup.
22. At least one of your breakups was a direct result of the photos you were tagged in.
23. You check your mother's page to find out what you're having for dinner.
24. You freak out every time you see one of those "I just saw who's been looking at my page" posts.
25. You're reading these and thinking, That's so true!
-- Rebecca Salgado
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami